Hey, No Homo, But I Am Sitting On The Broken Swing Set Out Back In The Perfect, Quiet, 2:00am Blackness

I was a godless heathen given neither rack nor humor

I gave myself both with the power of drugs

god gave me great tits to distract everyone from all the stupid shit that comes out of my mouth

every time a trans girl infodumps me abt something they're passionate about i cant help but i fall in love a little bit

If you made me think about markiplier's pillowey man-bosoms again, I'm making everyone else think about them too.

trans women r literally so cool theu get tits AND a prostate?? i thought only markilpler could do that

America be like "you cant have free healthcare or easy access to disability but you can have a gun"

Oh please let this be the timeline where Will Wood collaborates with the original broadway cast of newsies. I would die for that colab.

I live your music mate! Please collaborate with Will Wood 🙏🙏

I am 99.9% sure Will Wood has no idea who I am 💜

what if your doppelgänger wasn’t evil it was just a person. what if your doppelgänger wasn’t trying to replace you it was just trying to learn to be a person and you were the best model it had. what if your doppelgänger looked at you with your eyes and said with your voice that it just wanted to be loved. what then.

Fuck you, City of Ur!

If you're dumb enough to buy a cartload of copper this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Ea-Nasir's Imported Metals!

Bad deals! Low grade copper! Thieves!

If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Ea-Nasir's, you can kiss my ass!

It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker you'll fall for this bullshit! Guaranteed!

If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly ass! You heard us right, shove it up your ugly ass!

Bring your deposit, bring your sealed tablet, bring your messenger! We'll send him back!

That's right, we'll send your messenger back through enemy territory!Because at Ea-Nasir's, you're fucked six ways from Sunday!

Take a hike to Ea-Nasir's, home of challenge pissing! That's right, challenge pissing!

How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up and not get wet, you get no down payment!

Don't wait, don't delay, don't fuck with us, or we'll turn you into a eunuch!

Only at Ea-Nasir's, the only merchant that tells you to fuck off!

Hurry up, asshole! This event ends the minute after you make a donation to the palace, and it better not bounce or you're a dead motherfucker!

Go to hell! Ea-Nasir's Metals: Sumer's filthiest, and exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches in Mesopotamia! Guaranteed!