The Anxiety I Felt With Adaine Not Having Her Top Button Done Up Was Truly A Secondary School Moment

I also think about the fact riz carried around baron in his briefcase for an entire year a lot.

it feels a lot like a queer (specifically ace for me) denial that I'm intimately familiar with. you know you don't want it but you keep the idea of the life you're supposed to have, the partner you're supposed to want, in your back pocket to fall back on if being different gets too scary, so if all your friends find people who matter more to them and leave you might have someone too. you know it feels scary and stifling and wrong but you keep it there in the bottom of your briefcase just in case, just in case. you can't let it go and you can't let the shame that goes with it go because that would mean being alone, right?

anyway I'm in a perpetual romantic attraction crisis (am I demiromantic or is that just internalised aphobia rearing its ugly head again) and riz gukgak is a mood

i think about the fact riz carried around baron in his breifcase for an entire year a lot. btw.

like yeah you defeated him in the nightmare forest and he isn't a threat now or whatever but. he's there. you know he is. and you carry that invisible weight of the fear that one day all your friends will move on and you will die alone for a year. for more than a year.

and you see it coming true. your plan to keep all your friends together crumbles between your fingers and you don't know what to do.

then it comes back in a massive moment, there is no shoving the monster under the bed anymore. you cannot shy away from mirrors and cover your ears and act like it was never there to begin with. it is too large and you have ignored it for far too long. you must face it.

I've been watching transplanar every time I feel overcome with despair about being trans (right now mostly in respect to the uk supreme court ruling last week, though it is a feeling I get a lot unfortunately) and like it's working but at what cost

the amount of times I've dislocated my jaw from gasping (just heds things yk) at worlds beyond number is truly unhinged. like I feel like my jaw should be owed compensation for this storytelling

soo just listened to the battle of twelve brooks and I have too many thought and not enough word and oh my fucking god

cannot be the only one who cannot bear to deny blathers the opportunity to infodump about fish I've played this game for years and I will always say yes please to facts

it's day one of nanowrimo but it's also day one of mushrooms coming out in animal crossing so I'm conflicted

it's trans day of visibility so I thought in honour of that I'd share all my trans bad kid headcanons :))

we're starting with fabian because ofc we are. I love every iteration of trans fabian, transfem, transmasc, enby (less seen but still good). I personally hc him as transmasc, just because I enjoy the imaginary representation of rejection of anything remotely feminine due to dysphoria and then slowly coming back to the things that you genuinely like about it.

adaine next because I almost exclusively talk and think and breathe about adaine. gender nonconforming for sure, probably nonbinary (doesn't use a more specific label than that I don't think), either they/them or possibly they/she pronouns?

kristen is nonbinary and I think probably uses all pronouns?

gorgug also uses all pronouns, the third point of the nonbinary trinity. transfem gorgug also means a lot to me

riz is transmasc to me, he/him pronouns.

fig is transfem, she/they pronouns

lmk your trans bad kid headcanons because I've yet to hear one that doesn't work for me, these are just my personal favourites. happy trans day of visibility, love and solidarity to all my fellow trans people <3

fun fact it's actually harder to drag criss angel to hell than it is to eat your dad with your ribcage but only by a little bit

just knitting a hat and openly weeping watching fearful symmetry what about it

vandal is fucking everything to me. that's it that's the post