I also think about the fact riz carried around baron in his briefcase for an entire year a lot.
it feels a lot like a queer (specifically ace for me) denial that I'm intimately familiar with. you know you don't want it but you keep the idea of the life you're supposed to have, the partner you're supposed to want, in your back pocket to fall back on if being different gets too scary, so if all your friends find people who matter more to them and leave you might have someone too. you know it feels scary and stifling and wrong but you keep it there in the bottom of your briefcase just in case, just in case. you can't let it go and you can't let the shame that goes with it go because that would mean being alone, right?
anyway I'm in a perpetual romantic attraction crisis (am I demiromantic or is that just internalised aphobia rearing its ugly head again) and riz gukgak is a mood
i think about the fact riz carried around baron in his breifcase for an entire year a lot. btw.
like yeah you defeated him in the nightmare forest and he isn't a threat now or whatever but. he's there. you know he is. and you carry that invisible weight of the fear that one day all your friends will move on and you will die alone for a year. for more than a year.
and you see it coming true. your plan to keep all your friends together crumbles between your fingers and you don't know what to do.
then it comes back in a massive moment, there is no shoving the monster under the bed anymore. you cannot shy away from mirrors and cover your ears and act like it was never there to begin with. it is too large and you have ignored it for far too long. you must face it.
sometimes healing is forgiveness and sometimes it's devouring your dad with insect teeth from your ribcage and also biblically accurate criss angel is there yk
"the fact that arcane thought they could distract us from the angst in the finale with all the gay people, and they were right" -@spideysdaydream 2025
jokes on the homophobic trad Christian grandmas out there
your arts of knitting, crocheting, sewing, embroidery, and all fiber arts are being claimed by the lgbtq community
just thinking about how funny it would be if the wizards in mismag hadn't heard of lord of the rings but then are like "oh yeah for sure!" to billie eilish
fuck you keen, we all say in unison
defenestrate me please so I stop feeling these things
I feel crazy about Elias's scar, I feel crazy I feel insane, he bears the mark of his own kindness, a young and hungry, brilliant scientist who forces himself to live in a world of logic, wincing at his own reflection in the mirror because he has to face the evidence of his own emotion and righteousness adorned in blood.
The way he has to pull his hat down to hide it, which means he always has to keep his eyes to the ground, his scar literally barring him from human connection.
How he's thought of that girl who looked at him and actually smiled for Years because it means she saw his face and wasn't afraid.
Somebody through me out a WINDOW I'm LOSIN it
im here because of ur trans bad kids post i feel like kristen is transfem (which sort of doesnt work with the story but its a headcanon so. shhh) and realized later in life that you can be nonbinary and trans and probably uses any pronouns (sending an ask because i dont want my mutuals to know im into d20. ok thats all bye :3) (extra note we have the same pronouns! which i think is cool)
the amount of respect I have for trans headcanons that don't make sense in the story but just Feel Right ™️ is truly unbridled. transfem kristen is so good yes, I love the idea that helio expected his chosen one to be a dudebro fratboy and he instead got a chaos gnc lesbian.
also xe/they pronouns are objectively the best ones I don't make the rules
I have like fifty posts (all unintelligible) about how adaine abernant makes me feel sat in my drafts and I also just spontaneously burst into tears earlier thinking about how I wish I could have preserved my rage like this silly little fictional character managed to. I want to be angry like adaine and bitter like adaine and mean like adaine and I want to punch my dad so hard he dies in a forest made of my worst nightmares and I wish I was angry at people other than myself right now
idk about anyone else but I get so damn excited when closed captions are referenced or like there's easter eggs in the captions like it's the best thing I'm so tired of missing stuff because the captions are bad so when this happens it's great
having ocd that involves counting and doing fibre art and having brain fog from chronic illness and also just being bad at numbers all at once takes more brain cells than I have at my disposal
fiber crafts is like oh you think you know how to count? think again. also count again.
xe/ they | fibre artist, cosy gamer, writer, rambler | I mostly talk about d20 on here though let's be real
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