I've Been Watching Transplanar Every Time I Feel Overcome With Despair About Being Trans (right Now Mostly

thinking about marya and how when you think you've lost everything you still have something. even if that something is worms you hid in the back of a chair. her silk shirts and her youth and her love for the world and for adventure. trauma is hard and bad and it strips you of everything you were and everything you think you'll ever be and it leaves you to waste. but somewhere there are worms you left in the back of a chair. and you'll wear silk shirts again. and your friends will write your story better than you ever could. and you are that person and you always will be. and some young mech-wielding bright-eyed transfem will worship the ground you walk on.

I'm like really okay and fine I swear

a fun drinking game

take a shot every time I whisper *out loud* alone "this is fucked up" while watching the arc 1 finale for the chaos protocol

evan "what if I was bright green" kelmp is an autistic mood

sometimes healing is forgiveness and sometimes it's devouring your dad with insect teeth from your ribcage and also biblically accurate criss angel is there yk

"I love you"

"I think we're in a lot of trouble"

okay so given the circumstances I get the stress but damn silver that is not a good response to your girlfriend saying I love you for the first time

excited to have landlords in the sims so I can lock them in disgusting rooms until they die

Hi guys, I made a quiz:

I also think about the fact riz carried around baron in his briefcase for an entire year a lot.

it feels a lot like a queer (specifically ace for me) denial that I'm intimately familiar with. you know you don't want it but you keep the idea of the life you're supposed to have, the partner you're supposed to want, in your back pocket to fall back on if being different gets too scary, so if all your friends find people who matter more to them and leave you might have someone too. you know it feels scary and stifling and wrong but you keep it there in the bottom of your briefcase just in case, just in case. you can't let it go and you can't let the shame that goes with it go because that would mean being alone, right?

anyway I'm in a perpetual romantic attraction crisis (am I demiromantic or is that just internalised aphobia rearing its ugly head again) and riz gukgak is a mood

i think about the fact riz carried around baron in his breifcase for an entire year a lot. btw.

like yeah you defeated him in the nightmare forest and he isn't a threat now or whatever but. he's there. you know he is. and you carry that invisible weight of the fear that one day all your friends will move on and you will die alone for a year. for more than a year.

and you see it coming true. your plan to keep all your friends together crumbles between your fingers and you don't know what to do.

then it comes back in a massive moment, there is no shoving the monster under the bed anymore. you cannot shy away from mirrors and cover your ears and act like it was never there to begin with. it is too large and you have ignored it for far too long. you must face it.

it's day one of nanowrimo but it's also day one of mushrooms coming out in animal crossing so I'm conflicted

you ever just see a super niche piece of d&d advice (idek if this is the right word for it) and feel an itch in your bones to make an entire zine that's effectively an essay talking about how much you dislike it and the ableist implications of it being enforced at tables but it's just for you because you don't share your thoughts with other human beings that'd be wild and you don't particularly feel like being told it's not actually ableist and you're just oversensitive and can't take a joke today. no just me never mind dw about it