“Some Moment When The Moon Was Blood / Then Surely I Was Born;”

TJ MIKELOGAN'S HALLOWEEN 2023 EVENT, day 21 a recent horror film: BONES & ALL (2022) dir. Luca Guadagnino

and if we're friends that's just fine- yeah, it happens all the time and I know neither of you are mine so tell me why you told me to choke you ?

naufrague.

eu poderia mergulhar nos seus olhos castanhos da mesma forma que se mergulha em um oceano, eu sinto como se meu corpo realmente estivesse nadando, afinal, o seu amor me deixa ofegante. Eu tenho uma queda pela sua alma, pelas frenéticas batidas da pureza que há em seu coração, pelo caos que se instala em sua cabeça. Estamos em um mundo caótico, querido. E felizmente teu caos combinou com o meu. Então naufrague nesse oceano comigo, sinta sua pele se arrepiar pelo gélido das ondas e procure se esquentar nos meus braços, me abrace, me beije, me ame e me torne seu aconchego preferido, da mesma forma que você se tornou para mim.

“I hated the lot of them: my parents with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal… my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them… that’s him. He was younger than me, and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”

stevie nicks performing edge of seventeen, 1981 | taylor swift performing august, 2023 (x)

Love never dies of a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illnesses and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings, but never of natural death. Every lover could be brought to trial as the murderer of his own love. When something hurts you, saddens you, I rush to avoid it, to alter it, to feel as you do, but you turn away with a gesture of impatience and say: "I don’t understand."

Anaïs Nin, from The Four Chambered Heart

I am my mother's daughter when I clean because I'm depressed, and cry when over stimulated. I skip meals and tell everyone I "forgot". I feel my chest heavy with anxiety. I do not ask to be medicated. I am the strong one. The pillar. And I read a book that reminds me of her, but also of me. I hold no sympathy for her, only anger. I did not ask what made her react this why, only why that was her only reaction. I identify her trauma responses, but can't find the solution to my own. I understand her, but hate the traits she has given me. And intergenerational trauma is real, so if I was in my mother when she was in her mother, and my daughter was in my mother when I was in her, then what is a clean slait for any of us? when they say, we become more like our mothers the older we get, do we inherit their ability to bow, and bend, and break but never make a sound? But if I am my mother's trauma, do I scream uncontrollably because my life isn't in my palms? I swore to never be the woman that takes a man's fist, but my own fist is in my mouth as I look into the mirror and ache to shatter it. Am I my mother's trauma when I forgive a man for treating me like I am invaluable? Am I my mother's daughter when I half-jokingly prepare to give up on my dreams, just to be half-heartedly loved? And I pride myself in knowing that I can tell when someone is manipulating me, but then just as shamelessly ask to be manipulated; to be told that I am loved even if it is a lie. Where is the sense in being senseless in the name of love? Am I my mother's daughter when I overshare to a stranger because no one I love, loves me back enough to listen? And if I am a vessel of trauma, what will my daughter be? Am I my mother's trauma when I yearn to be with someone that does not even respect me? And if this is all my mother's, then am I my father's daughter when I look at my mother in detest over the destiny that she has handed over to me?

bones and all (2022)

screenplay by david kajganich

DID YOU KNOW I RECENTLY HAD A BROTHER DIE, TOO?

the bear / phoebe waller-bridge / lilly dancyger / david byrne / dan pearce / suzy kassem / toni morrison / joseph fink / rabbi joseph telushkin / emily dickinson / richard siken / lone twin network / aanchal malhotra / frank ocean / gabrielle calvocoressi / maurice sendak

BAD IDEA RIGHT? OLIVIA RODRIGO, 2023