DID YOU KNOW I RECENTLY HAD A BROTHER DIE, TOO?

when jaun elia said "tujhko bhula nahin woh shaks jo teri baahon mein bhi akela tha (didn't forget you the person who was alone even in your arms)" and taehyung said "i just wanna be happier is that also too much of a greed?"and bts said "I can’t come closer to you I don’t have a name to be called by" and hozier said "all that I've been taught and every word I've got is foreign to me" and harry styles said "what if im someone i don't want around" and mitski said "my god,im so lonely so i open the window to hear sounds of people" and sappho said "im broken with longing" and the goo goo dolls sang "i don't want the world to see me 'cause i don't think they'd understand" and jorja smith said "im just crying cause i can't escape what could've been" and sahir ludhianvi said "dukhi man mere, apne liye kab hain yeh mele ham hain har ek mele mein akele" (sad heart of mine, when has these festivities ever for us we are always alone even in this crowd of festivities)

Love never dies of a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illnesses and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings, but never of natural death. Every lover could be brought to trial as the murderer of his own love. When something hurts you, saddens you, I rush to avoid it, to alter it, to feel as you do, but you turn away with a gesture of impatience and say: "I don’t understand."

Anaïs Nin, from The Four Chambered Heart

guillermo and nandor / hands

who wore it better™

i'll go down in a bitter glory

regulus arcturus black he/him. gay. survivor. black coffee. stargazing. never enough. always second. sarcastic little shit. depressed poet. angry petty boi. he can hold a grudge and it will be your demise. burnt out. attentive.

my favorite james potter fancasts

reiky de valk

kevin price

gabriel stewart

dev patel

adarsh jaikarran

jeenu mahadevan

xolo maridueña

I'm in love

I am my mother's daughter when I clean because I'm depressed, and cry when over stimulated. I skip meals and tell everyone I "forgot". I feel my chest heavy with anxiety. I do not ask to be medicated. I am the strong one. The pillar. And I read a book that reminds me of her, but also of me. I hold no sympathy for her, only anger. I did not ask what made her react this why, only why that was her only reaction. I identify her trauma responses, but can't find the solution to my own. I understand her, but hate the traits she has given me. And intergenerational trauma is real, so if I was in my mother when she was in her mother, and my daughter was in my mother when I was in her, then what is a clean slait for any of us? when they say, we become more like our mothers the older we get, do we inherit their ability to bow, and bend, and break but never make a sound? But if I am my mother's trauma, do I scream uncontrollably because my life isn't in my palms? I swore to never be the woman that takes a man's fist, but my own fist is in my mouth as I look into the mirror and ache to shatter it. Am I my mother's trauma when I forgive a man for treating me like I am invaluable? Am I my mother's daughter when I half-jokingly prepare to give up on my dreams, just to be half-heartedly loved? And I pride myself in knowing that I can tell when someone is manipulating me, but then just as shamelessly ask to be manipulated; to be told that I am loved even if it is a lie. Where is the sense in being senseless in the name of love? Am I my mother's daughter when I overshare to a stranger because no one I love, loves me back enough to listen? And if I am a vessel of trauma, what will my daughter be? Am I my mother's trauma when I yearn to be with someone that does not even respect me? And if this is all my mother's, then am I my father's daughter when I look at my mother in detest over the destiny that she has handed over to me?

An evening in Ketterdam

—your song, elton john