bones and all (2022)
screenplay by david kajganich
when jaun elia said "tujhko bhula nahin woh shaks jo teri baahon mein bhi akela tha (didn't forget you the person who was alone even in your arms)" and taehyung said "i just wanna be happier is that also too much of a greed?"and bts said "I can’t come closer to you I don’t have a name to be called by" and hozier said "all that I've been taught and every word I've got is foreign to me" and harry styles said "what if im someone i don't want around" and mitski said "my god,im so lonely so i open the window to hear sounds of people" and sappho said "im broken with longing" and the goo goo dolls sang "i don't want the world to see me 'cause i don't think they'd understand" and jorja smith said "im just crying cause i can't escape what could've been" and sahir ludhianvi said "dukhi man mere, apne liye kab hain yeh mele ham hain har ek mele mein akele" (sad heart of mine, when has these festivities ever for us we are always alone even in this crowd of festivities)
here’s Wolfstar being a couple of menaces and driving James up the wall while he’s trying to study (he’s only “studying” in the library in attempt to impress lily, so no harm done)
I’ve been hoarding a bunch of Marauders scribbles I’ll probably never clean up so expect more incoherent chaos
For My Mother, I love you but i do not like you.
For my mother, I love you but i do not like you. You created me, you made me into what i am. I am simply a mirror of you which is exactly the thing tried so hard not to be. I tried to erase every part of you from myself and yet I have still become you. My anger is yours, I hate my father for what he did to you. I hate myself for the words that spill to you when I am blinded by rage. My tears are yours, they belong to you. The tears I cry for what you’ve done are the same tears I use to mourn you, to mourn what you were and what you could’ve been. I mourn for your childhood that was ripped away when you were most definitely too young, all the while mourning myself for you doing the same to me. You tried your hardest not to, but in your own way you have imparted the very same curse your mother had put onto you. You ruined me and made me in the same brush stroke. I cry for the hatred you have instilled in me towards my own father. It was easy for you to make me hate him, because it was easy to see the wounds and scars he had given me. His hate for me came quick and rough, easily seen at the time, but the hate you showed me could not be seen in an instant. You did not cut me but poisoned me, fated me to die in a slow way, a way that i could not see until it was too late to fix, but i see it now. I both hate you and love you for all you’ve done at the same time. I cannot fix what has happened to you no matter how hard i try, i wish for you to heal from what you refuse to speak about. I realise the reason i am so forgiving towards you is because of all that you’ve been through, but now the scales have fallen from my eyes and i know now that these are not excuses but explanations. I pray that my daughter will not fall victim to the same curse that has run through the woman in our family for too many generations to count. I pray I will not turn her into what I have become. I mourn for you, I mourn for me, and I mourn for my future. I hope to one day truly forgive you for all the pain you’ve caused. I hope to one day be able to truly hold a conversation with you without being afraid you’ll say something you can’t take back. I hope one day we can say “I love you” to each other and truly mean it, but for now, I love you but I do not like you.
Love never dies of a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illnesses and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings, but never of natural death. Every lover could be brought to trial as the murderer of his own love. When something hurts you, saddens you, I rush to avoid it, to alter it, to feel as you do, but you turn away with a gesture of impatience and say: "I don’t understand."
Anaïs Nin, from The Four Chambered Heart
Autumn. Twilight. Fire lit. Restless. Solitary. She sits. She goes to window. She stands. She sits. Twilight. She thinks. She writes. She sighs. Twilight. Solitary.
James Joyce, from Solitary Hotel in “The Complete Works”
the bear / phoebe waller-bridge / lilly dancyger / david byrne / dan pearce / suzy kassem / toni morrison / joseph fink / rabbi joseph telushkin / emily dickinson / richard siken / lone twin network / aanchal malhotra / frank ocean / gabrielle calvocoressi / maurice sendak
James Waterston as Gerard Pitts in Dead Poets Society (1989)
i need james potter who has to be in control of every aspect of his life. has to make sure his friends are okay before he even thinks of himself. i need service top james potter who always put his partners needs before his. focuses on making them feel good before himself. because then it’s so good when he gets together with regulus who maybe has some issues with intimacy, or just doesn’t feel comfortable being touched at first. but he still wants to have sex. and james, eager to please, of course agrees to let regulus do whatever he wants with him. and he soon finds himself being pleasured unconditionally for the first time. he finds himself out of control of this one aspect of his life but he loves it. and regulus, who always feels out of control in every aspect of his life, finds he finally has something he has control over. and they just fit together perfectly. able to be exactly what the other needs in that intimate way.