Autumn. Twilight. Fire Lit. Restless. Solitary. She Sits. She Goes To Window. She Stands. She Sits. Twilight.

I am my mother's daughter when I clean because I'm depressed, and cry when over stimulated. I skip meals and tell everyone I "forgot". I feel my chest heavy with anxiety. I do not ask to be medicated. I am the strong one. The pillar. And I read a book that reminds me of her, but also of me. I hold no sympathy for her, only anger. I did not ask what made her react this why, only why that was her only reaction. I identify her trauma responses, but can't find the solution to my own. I understand her, but hate the traits she has given me. And intergenerational trauma is real, so if I was in my mother when she was in her mother, and my daughter was in my mother when I was in her, then what is a clean slait for any of us? when they say, we become more like our mothers the older we get, do we inherit their ability to bow, and bend, and break but never make a sound? But if I am my mother's trauma, do I scream uncontrollably because my life isn't in my palms? I swore to never be the woman that takes a man's fist, but my own fist is in my mouth as I look into the mirror and ache to shatter it. Am I my mother's trauma when I forgive a man for treating me like I am invaluable? Am I my mother's daughter when I half-jokingly prepare to give up on my dreams, just to be half-heartedly loved? And I pride myself in knowing that I can tell when someone is manipulating me, but then just as shamelessly ask to be manipulated; to be told that I am loved even if it is a lie. Where is the sense in being senseless in the name of love? Am I my mother's daughter when I overshare to a stranger because no one I love, loves me back enough to listen? And if I am a vessel of trauma, what will my daughter be? Am I my mother's trauma when I yearn to be with someone that does not even respect me? And if this is all my mother's, then am I my father's daughter when I look at my mother in detest over the destiny that she has handed over to me?

       𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼

🪼 𖦹             ༊࿐ ⊹ ˚.           ࣪𓇻 ݁

              ⭒ 𓆞ㅤ 𓈒 𓇼ㅤׂ

                        ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤׂ𓆝

                                      𓆜

ֺ ༊彡⬭ 𓈒  ݁        ꒰ 🪸 ꒱ ࣪𓂂 ׅ         𖼐꒱࿐ ִ ۫

       𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼

By: @i92-93

—mothers

ijeoma umebinyuo // hyatt moore // class of 2013 by mitski // i, tonya (2017) // ? // gustav klimt // ? // lady bird (2017) // i remain in darkness by annie ernaux

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The Ghoul of IC 2118

Image Credit: Casey Good/Steve Timmons

BEN BARNES ‘‘When I was playing Prince Caspian when I was 25, everyone was up announcing “he’s supposed to be thirteen, he’s too old” and then I got cast as the Darkling and everybody said “He’s too old!”, so apparently I’m always too old.’’

Comme des Garçons f/w 1991 rtw Creative Director Rei Kawakubo Newest Cool on Instagram

Dead Poets Society (1989)

The tragedy of Black family