A New Set Of Scans Came In.

A list of things that should no longer be explained in 2019 because y'all have had ample opportunity to Google or listen:

The Black Lives Matter movement 

Representation matters 

Colin Kaepernick wasn’t protesting the anthem 

The validity of different sexual orientations

Non-black people can’t say the N-word

Feminism isn’t about hating men

Pro-black/ celebrating your heritage isn’t anti-white

Blackface isn’t okay

Minimum wage should be raised

Who’s considered a millennial

Feel free to add on

Something New

I had a dream about, a lot of things. 

but mainly that I gave birth to a baby I wasn't prepared for at all. I didn't know I was even pregnant. I was so unprepared I knew I needed to search for some diapers. I kept asking for help but no-one would help me. I asked a nurse and she said “usually people come with that stuff” and I was like... “ I didn’t know I was pregnant” 

so I put my baby down to search for diapers. I ran into a house, and there was a lot of things happening that aren't relevant to this part of the story. 

but I fell asleep and when I woke up and remembered I was a mom and needed to go find my baby !

so I ran and found her. and she was starving. She was excited to see me and I was like, okay I need to change your diaper. Then I stopped and said... wait. your hungry. I need to feed you. So I paused because not only did I not find diapers but I didn’t get any food. But then I realized , this is a baby. I am a mom. I can breast feed. So I picked her up and fed her and she ate and was satisfied. Then we laid back to rest finally. 

I talked to my mom about this. 

She said babies are a symbol of new life. 

Maybe the play I've been working on. I gave birth to something new and unexpected. And then I neglected it. But when I finally gave it my attention, it was happily waiting for me.

I chimed in with, it’s not even like wasn't tryna take care of the baby I was looking for ways to take care of her. But when I found her, what I was looking for wasn't even what she needed. She needed me, and what I already had.

milk

something from me. and my being. 

Wild dream.

Interesting idea. 

but I gotta listen to it. 

I gotta feed it myself.

I am enough

I can take care of my own creations

I just need to give it me. 

and it will be satisfied. 

I’m not okay

I quit my job because a brand new employee made a racist comment and I was sexually harassed as in the same day.

I quit because I was made uncomfortable. Because I do not want to live in fear. I want to be safe.

I made an announcement about it because I wanted other people to know that this was happening and this was not okay.

Everyone told me how proud they were and what steps I should take next to deal with it .

But no one asked if I was okay.

And actually I think one or two people did and my response was yes!

Because I handled it and everyone was proud of me.

But no I am not okay.

I didn’t need to be reminded of every other assault or harassment I was subjected to.

I didn’t need my ptsd to kick in

I didn’t need to be reminded that not everyone sees me as a human and I should be aware of my facticity.

Yea I did the right thing but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

And it still happened.

A Ramble

jay z and Beyoncé confession tapes .. how they went

Should we change the world

Or

Should we separate and be happy

Should we talk about how jay z manipulated the fuck out of Beyoncé’s career

And how Beyoncé had to suffer because he was right

he treated her like shit but so did her parents and everyone who manipulated her molded her To be Beyoncé

And now Beyoncé is fucking Beyoncé

She has to be Beyoncé

For everyone else

Jay z can’t kill his ego

His ego helped him get what he wanted

He can admit his wrongs

He can grow

But he can’t not be jay z

Jay z is leaving a legacy

The carters are putting roots in America

They are helping to build black America

They know what effect they have

They know what good they can do

They can be people

But these people

Are Beyoncé and Jay Z

And Beyoncé and Jay Z

are people who can change the world

People who can leave ripples

People who’s ripples are starting to make waves

Beyoncé and Jay Z

Have to be Beyoncé and Jay Z

I think they are fulfilling their purpose in life by starting the new mold for black America

They are the beginning of the era

Look at the waves they already made

Lemonade and 4:44

All about acknowledging the pain and expressing that we’re people

It hurts

We hurt

We have feelings

Those feelings are valid

But then we have a choice

What do we do with those feelings ?

Do we get revenge

Do we seek help

Do we suppress and forget

Or do we accept

Do we forgive

Do we choose to try again

What can we do differently with our situation

Well we can use ourselves

Said Beyoncé and Jay Z

And be the people we needed to see

We should break the cycle

We should be real

We should set an example

We should be a strong black family

They said

We should be better

The obamas took office

And the carters prepared to take over

The elections are over

The first family of black America

The Carters

They started a wave.

Beyoncé made being a black women

Iconic

She had people shook when she reminded them she was black

Jay z is out here trying to remold the black man

He told us it was cool to be a real man

A dad

A role model for your family

Your community

Be the strong manly figure your dad tried to make you

Men are also victims of the patriarchy

And Jay z is trying to change that

He has Chris rock

Anthony

Will Smith

All out here trying to own up

To acknowledge their wrongs

And talk about the future

How to have black economies

How to have black joy

How to have a black family

How to love

How to love yourself

Love your blackness

Love love love love love love love love love love love

Black America

It’s coming

It’s basically here

Just follow the leader

Follow our leaders

They were people too

They are people too

We can be a happy thriving community

In the country we were produced in

If we’re here

Let’s take root

Let’s be here

In the mist of it all

I shine

In the space of existence

I float

I swim

I tred

I become

I move though time

As my own light

I move with grace

I stumble

I fail

I make wrong turns

But each step I take

Is the right one

The journey is even more

If not

Just as

Important as the unknown destination

.

.

A beam of being slides through the universe

What would you call such a happenstance?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Life.

I miss me

It’s been a long job.

I’m getting calls because my friends and family have forgotten that a few weeks ago I told them how busy and broke I’d be.

And even though they understood my missing presence, I must be leaving a larger hole than expected.

While I’ve been off learning,

I’ve also been missing me.

My routines have been broken and forgotten

My learned habits have become memories

And my forgotten habits feel like new toys in a goodwill window

Reminding me how nice they were and yet I have to remind myself why I gave them up in the first place.

The job is almost over and I’ll be emerging a new person.

Worn and in need of rest

In need of an uplift

A cry

And then another blast of energy to keep me going.

I miss me

But I’m never the same

Day after day

I keep growing

And I need to learn how to take care of me

Day after day

Learn my needs for each day and work with them

Care for them

I need to learn to hear myself more then anyone else

Love and exchange light everywhere you go.

Be bright in places that are dark

Treat others the way you want to be treated

If you want people to love you

You have to love them.

Make the world a better place

Leave your mark by leaving yourself

Your presence

In the hearts and folds of the world and it’s people