To All Of My Dolls Finding Themselves:

Femme Fatale Guide: Top "Glow Up" Tips & Habits To Become The Best Version of Yourself

Prioritize the Holy Trinity: Nutrition, Movement, & Sleep. Following a whole-foods, plant-based diet with vegetables and/or fruit at every meal and limiting processed foods is one of the simplest ways to improve your overall health. Drink plenty of water, have any necessary supplements (like vitamin B12, vitamin D, omega 3s, etc.), and reduce your consumption of sugary, alcoholic, or caffeine-loaded beverages. Try to incorporate at least 30 minutes of walking and/or a simple 15-20 workout into your everyday routine. Make getting a full night's rest (usually 7-9 hours for most people) a non-negotiable in your life.

Practice Radical Self-Acceptance. Fully embrace your personal values. Get comfortable with your authentic desires. Define and set goals for yourself in every area of your life.

Nourish Your Body, Mind, and Spirit Consistently. Eat a healthful diet (enough food without overstuffing yourself), sleep and move enough throughout the day, and continue learning and educating yourself on current events, your industry/career field, art, culture, history, world languages, etc. Practice mindfulness and self-care activities. Honoring your sexual needs. Giving yourself at least one rest/reset day per week.

Cultivate Sustainable (and Personally-Fulfilling) Routines. Your sleep schedule, work/school schedule, workout schedule throughout the week, social and self-care time, date nights, time for your hobbies, errands, cleaning, and relaxation. Make appointments with yourself to empower you to fulfill all your daily tasks and activities to ensure you can work and play without burning yourself out in the process.

Set Boundaries. With your friends, family, work-life/professional network, romantic and sexual partners, and yourself. Understand your emotional, physical, and energetic limitations. Communicate them clearly, compassionately, and unapologetically. Cut toxic people out of your life. Avoid codependency like the plague. Nurture your healthy and supportive interdependent relationships regularly.

Learn What You Enjoy. Ensure To Incorporate These Products, Routines, and Relationships Into Your Day. It can be a piece of dark chocolate and a favorite T.V. show, a long evening phone call with a loved one, a hot bubble bath, or any other small luxury that gives you genuine pleasure and adds some necessary joy to your day.

Check In With Yourself Regularly. Pivot When Necessary. Self-improvement, goal setting, relationship building, and cultivating unshakeable self-love/life satisfaction takes time, experimentation, trial and error, and tons of self-reflection before you get it right in any area of your life. Be honest with yourself on what's work, what's not, where to remain consistent, and what areas of your life would benefit from a change.

Hello dears,

I'm starting this new account to document my journey further into becoming my best self. I've been dabbling in this side of tumblr for years now, and I feel like it's time that I dedicate a space for my endevours.

I will be documenting my experiences, sharing my thoughts and reblogging posts from the gorgeous people of this community.

With love,

Marchesa

Hi! I have a hard time owning my feminine energy, especially within romantic relationships with men, because I’m not having children. So if I’m not going to be the one carrying and raising children, then it’s hard for me to see the equality between the 2 if I still want a soft life. Does that make sense? Can you shed some light on that?

Hi love! Personally, I don't see any validity in this take as it sounds inundated in the patriarchy and patriarchal language. The equity of men and women in a relationship has to do with their individual capabilities to emotionally support themselves and their partner through different life situations/stages and communicate with each other effectively to ensure both partners' needs are being met, boundaries are respected, and preferences are attended to out of delight, not nagging or manipulation, all while learning to work together as a team to ensure your individual life needs are being met (bills/finances, jobs and career outlook, family planning and relationships, lifestyle habits, socializing needs, etc.).

What works for every couple is different. If both parties are happy with an arrangement and it does not place one party in a position of power over the other (like financial abuse or emotional blackmail), you are in a mutually-beneficial, therefore, equitable, relationship.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "soft life," as they're many interpretations of that phrase nowadays, but a mutually-beneficial relationship is an equitable relationship. Women are not defined by their wombs or homemaking capabilities. If you choose to take on these roles enthusiastically and in a way that doesn't leave you physically, emotionally, or financially vulnerable to be controlled by your partner, more power to you.

I believe that embracing your feminine energy in romantic relationships involves implementing the following practices:

Allowing yourself to embrace the fun, creative sides of yourself and share them with others. Get dressed up in your full glam for your date nights, wear the seductive perfume and lingerie at night, make the ravishing homecooked, candlelit dinner, etc. if you desire to create beautiful shared experiences. All because YOU want to do these things, and it genuinely makes you feel good to express this creative side of yourself.

Embrace your emotional side and the ability to be vulnerable about your feelings. Once someone passes your vetting process to the point of partnership status, learn to let go and express your emotions with this person. Nothing is more satisfying to the soul than feeling safe enough to be your authentic, vulnerable self, especially after a long day of performing with a hard exterior or other experiences that make everyday life frustrating (annoying coworker, demanding work project on deadline, traffic, the grocery store being out of an item you needed, etc.). Invite deep conversations, the right to cry, laugh, express authentic joy and excitement about things you fear others might find silly or mundane, and share your fears without worrying about being judged.

Learn how to get out of your own head and get your sexual needs met. You do not owe any man any sexual acts or a performance. Sex and surrounding intimate acts should be mutually pleasurable and gratifying. Speak up for what you want. Allow the attention to be solely focused on you at times. Don't worry about how you're perceived in bed for enjoying yourself. Any man should know he's lucky to be there.

Enjoy your interests freely (and frequently) without apologizing. Don't allow someone to put you down for loving certain activities, hobbies, entertainment, etc., especially more feminine ones (such as reality TV or caring about certain music/home decor/food preferences, etc.). They're not silly because the patriarchy doesn't give them the gold star of approval. All interests that don't harm others and bring you joy are valid.

Celebrate your uniquely feminine traits, routines, and habits unapologetically. PMS, menstrual routines and energy level fluctuations, greater needs for sleep in general, strict skincare routines, nightly rituals, hair removal and nail routines, need to turn down the AC, introduce certain sex toys into the bedroom, drink less alcohol, eat differently, workout differently, the time needed to gossip with your friends and go out to chat with your women friends weekly, etc. Remember that your preferences or needs are not lesser than because of your biology. In the context of a cishet relationship, this often means learning how to not feel inferior for being biologically female as well as some socialized traits like our engrained bias to maintain broader social networks, take more pleasure in putting effort into our appearances, etc. (generalizing here, I know, don't worry).

Know this was a long reply, but I think it's super important information to keep in mind. Signed, a fellow child-free-by-choice woman who doesn't want to deal with the stress of anyone else's B.S. either (especially a romantic partner, what a mood-killer).

Hope this helps xx

I’ve been getting more questions on Instagram and Tumblr about my coaching and workshops. The free membership is back open, where you get one new lesson every week for a year. Also, my Level Up Blueprint & Confidence MasterClass is now available. If you don’t want to listen to me talk for an hour, here are some of the main slides.

I did my best to create a visual way of portraying how I go about my level up journey. In a nutshell, in 2016 I locked myself in my room for a summer and decided that I would not allow myself to move back to California or date any men until I had done the work to figure out what I wanted in life, who I wanted to be and how I was going to make it happen. That was where my Signature Self (alter ego) idea came into fruition.

For each phase, I simply went through each of these categories and defined what would be ideal for me, established my goals and created visual guides (vision boards, mood boards, etc). I rewrote my script for what my life would look life if I combined all of these and decided to actually start living.

Then, for each of my goals, I established milestone/steps (as a way to provide accountability and clarity), I created rituals (based on what I could do consistently to get what I wanted in life), I established a reminders/triggers/rewards system for when I lose motivation and need to get myself back on track. It is not shown here, but I also created a list of things that I enjoy doing as a “when I think there’s nothing to do” list so if I am bored, lack motivation or just want to get out of my head. This was I limit my zero days, and can still feel productive in my own way.

Let me know if you have any questions about this! 💗 I provided an example from myself (for language learning), and one from a client).

Here you can apply for my Savage Resilience Society Membership

Not too long ago I had an anon ask me how to fake it till she makes it in manifesting her luxury lifestyle. I gave a bit of advice (you should read that before finishing this) but I want to elaborate more on a certain aspect that is crucial to obtaining an ideal life: becoming your ideal self. That ask was focused on lifestyle, but what about the self glow-up? That’s where this guide comes in. I see a lot of guides where the OP tells you the type of woman you should become, and it’s usually based on their own idea of what is desirable. This is different. This is a barebones guide that requires you to think hard about yourself and what would satisfy you to live in your own skin. To no longer wish to be anyone else. To be the best version of YOU. Who is the the ideal woman you are aspiring to be?

Here’s how to start:

BUY the 12 Month Dream Girl Guide Planner here

Step 1: describe your dream girl and create a list of 12 essential qualities/skills she has. Things that are controllable by a person themselves, not reliant on another person or location. (Good: she drinks tea every day. Bad: her boyfriend makes tea for her every day)

Step 2: make a list of how you can acquire those qualities

Step 3: dedicate one quality to each month of the year and for every single day of that month, cultivate habits that will make those qualities now belong to you. 30 days is a great amount of time to build a habit that you can continue on with even after the target date has passed. It’s not too long to feel scary but it’s long enough to make really good progress. Plus you won’t feel overwhelmed about doing all of these new things at once. Just one quality at a time :)

Step 4: after 12 months, you will have dedicated 365 days to your own personal growth and transformation and will now emerge a brand new woman.

To make this even easier on you, I will create an example using a mix of things that are about me.

My dream girl is: a beautiful and fit domestic goddess who speaks multiple foreign languages, plays instruments, is a wiz in the kitchen, and has a killer style

12 qualities to create her:

Takes expert care of her outward appearance

Eats healthy and works out every day

Speaks french

Speaks korean

Speaks spanish

Plays piano

Cooks a proper meal every day

Always dresses well no matter what

Keeps her home spic and span

Manages her emotions well to always be kind and composed to others instead of combative and volatile

Is a minimalist

Studies hard in school

(When you make your list of 12 qualities, don’t worry about making them perfectly correspond to a certain month just yet. First, just get them all written down and then you can rearrange it later. For the sake of this, let’s just pretend that mine are in a perfect order as is)

January: takes expert care of her outward appearance

For January, I will spend 31 days focused on beauty. Every single morning and night I will do my skincare routine, a face mask, use my serums and exfoliants (when necessary), and make sure to apply sunscreen. I will get a skincare consultation if needed, I will schedule a dentist appointment or do at home teeth whitening treatments. I will take a bubble bath once a day and always make sure that I’m exfoliated. I will always make time to shave/wax/epilate/whatever and maintain manicured nails and eyebrows. My hair care will be completely on point because my hair will always be deep conditioned, well moisturized, and styled to perfection.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every single day. You will now be in the habit of taking care of your external appearance and will be used to looking and feeling a certain way)

February: eats healthy and works out every day

For February, I will find a list of healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and make sure to use them as my eating guide. I will watch my calories and eat foods that nourish my body. I will cut out sugary drinks and extra sweets and do a workout for at least 30 minutes every day. I will watch a lot of content on health and fitness to keep me on track and make sure that I know what I’m doing.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every single day. You will now be in the habit of making and eating healthy foods, have a 30 day workout streak, and will have a new relationship with your health and fitness. Because you have successfully committed a whole month to this lifestyle, it will be easier to keep it going to reach your body goals)

March: speaks French

For March, I will study french every day for at least an hour. I will watch french movies and tv shows, learn grammar and memorize vocabulary. I will always keep my flashcards on an app and study them frequently so that I don’t forget anything. I will find a french language exchange partner online and talk to them everyday so they can correct my mistakes.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every day. You will now be in the habit of studying a foreign language for a dedicated amount of time each and every day. This will get you to a strong start and make it much easier for you to continue learning the language as time moves forward)

November: is a minimalist

For November I will focus on living a minimalist lifestyle and being intentional with the items I allow into my space. I will go through my whole house and declutter all of the things that I don’t need. I will not buy things this month unless they are essentials to me and my growth. I will watch/read a lot of content on consumerism and try to understand why I own so many things. I will have a better relationship with my possessions and take better care of the things I own so that I won’t need to keep buying new ones.

(Keep a log and make sure to do this every day. You will form a better relationship with your possessions and learn to let go of unimportant things. This will build the habit of being mindful of the things you allow into your space and allowing you to make better buying choices in the future)

You get the idea. So basically you will elaborate on each of the 12 qualities and make it very clear what your daily goals are for that month. The most important thing is to stick to it. You have to build the habit so that it becomes your new normal. This is how you acquire a new lifestyle and persona. You do it every day until it’s your default setting. You don’t call someone an a good student because they got an A one time, right? You call them a good student because they consistently demonstrate the actions that makes one a good student on a daily basis.

“But 2pretty! How can I stick to these things every day? What if I don’t feel like it sometimes?”

It’s all about discipline and consistency. Having your effort correspond to how badly you want something. Focusing on the big picture and sacrificing a little bit of comfort. Choosing to be your most excellent self rather than the easiness of staying the same. Growth is hard! But that’s what makes it worth it.

You all can sit here and read level up posts until you turn blue in the face but the fact of the matter is, The Ideal You can only emerge if you put in the work to become her. I believe in you.

I can’t wait to meet the new you in 12 months. See ya then.

2023 wrap up

Make a list of things that describe you. Use binary terms. Yes or no’s. Don’t try to soften the blow, just be honest. For example: I wake up at 10am. I work out once a month. I always get to work on time. I do my skincare routine typically 5 out of 7 times a week. I always get A’s and B’s. Etc etc

Mark which of those items are things you are proud of and want to continue and which you want to change.

Make a list of the things you want to describe you. For example: I want to wake up at 7am. I want to exercise daily. I want to eat clean at least 2 out of 3 meals a day. I want to speak fluent Spanish. Etc etc

Make detailed notes on how you can quit the things you want to quit and acquire the things you want to acquire.

Do it.

I really can’t with these ‘femininity guide’ posts that want to have women behaving like they just time-travelled from 1955. Getting in touch with your divine feminine is fundamentally about authenticity, not performance. Marilyn Monroe, Rihanna, Meghan Markle, Monica Bellucci, Dita Von Teese, Saweetie, and Amal Clooney are markedly different types of women but they are all rightfully considered feminine. 

If the vintage, old Hollywood vibe is authentic to you, then by all means, please embrace it. But if that is just not who you are, you will end up performing for the rest of your life. The unifying factor that makes all the aforementioned women attractive is their confidence. They carry themselves with an air of grace and self-assuredness that is irresistible and undeniably feminine. Obviously take care of your appearance, move with grace, and practice etiquette, but don’t put on a costume. You won’t be able to keep up the act forever, and people will eventually see right through it.

Here are my personal tips for cultivating divine feminine energy:

Practice following your intuition. Our patriarchal society places a huge premium on logic but it is very healthy and necessary to honor your emotions. Check in with yourself to gauge how you’re feeling in different situations. This makes it easier to set healthy boundaries and choose what is right for you.

Connect more deeply with your body. For me, this looks like yoga, breath work, and dry brushing. Practice listening to your body and honor what it tells you.

Practice self-inquiry. Interrogate your assumptions. Ask yourself why you have certain reactions to things. Engage with your shadow self, don’t run away from it. 

Cultivate openness, compassion, love, and gentleness towards the world and yourself.

Explore your sensuality. Make it a point to appreciate and celebrate beauty in your life. Surround yourself with aesthetically pleasing things and enjoy sensual pleasures. 

Explore your sexuality. Female sexuality is often policed which leads to sexual hang ups that need to be overcome. Interrogate and heal hypersexuality as well as hyposexuality. Get to know yourself intimately. I took burlesque and pole dancing classes to learn how to tap into the more sexual part of me.

Create ritual and sacred space. My nighttime routine is very important to me. I do my skincare, haircare, and bodycare, pray, and just get in touch with myself. Carve out some time in your day to do the same, whatever it looks like for you.

To put it simply, getting in touch with your femininity should be a spiritual practice. I’m happy to elaborate if anyone has questions.

decide what your base is and make sure you never leave the house without it:

Base hygiene (showering/ deodorant/ skincare etc)

Base make up (a simple look that takes you less than 10 minutes)

Base outfits (have some go-to outfits always ready)

Base hair (learn 3 simple hairstyles that elevate your look)

base jewellery (simple studs, a tennis bracelet or two)

Base emotions (how do you want to leave the house feeling? Do you want to grab a bite before you leave? Do you need to call yourself down?)