There Is No Such Thing As A Future You. Time Is Not Real. Stop Dreaming And Just Show Up. Don’t Make

decide what your base is and make sure you never leave the house without it:

Base hygiene (showering/ deodorant/ skincare etc)

Base make up (a simple look that takes you less than 10 minutes)

Base outfits (have some go-to outfits always ready)

Base hair (learn 3 simple hairstyles that elevate your look)

base jewellery (simple studs, a tennis bracelet or two)

Base emotions (how do you want to leave the house feeling? Do you want to grab a bite before you leave? Do you need to call yourself down?)

hobbies to try out ♡

hobbies are such a great way to spend your time rather than being on technology all the time. It's great to have a skill, as skills can help you make friends, and can also open up new job opportunities!! here are some ideas, some are easy and simple and others are a little more advanced, there's (hopefully) something for everyone !!

O1 , painting / sketching

O2 , ballet (or dance in general)

O3 , sewing

O4 , reading

O5 , journalling

O6 , gardening

O7 , baking

O8 , photography

O9 , creative writing / songwriting / poem writing

1O , yoga

11 , learning an instrument (electric/acoustic guitar, drums, piano, violin etc)

12 , bracelet/jewellery making

13 , thrifting

14 , skateboarding

15 , hiking / exploring

16 , calligraphy

17 , pottery

18 , knitting / crochet

19 , pilates

2O , learning a language

21 , origami

22 , archery

23 , bird watching , herping , and animal/bug study in general

24 , mycology , plant observation/documentation

25 , start a podcast or amateur radio

26 , roller skating

27 , gymnastics / acrobatics

28 , cardistry

29 , terrarium making

30 , calisthenics

hope this helps!!!

I'll say it as many times as it needs to be said: track your housework. Have a schedule and keep it. Make sure you know what you're doing every day. If you aren't keeping track, it's so easy to fall into a rut and feel like you haven't done anything. It's so easy to over work yourself. Much of household maintenance is invisible. If you're keeping up, your home will pretty much look consistent and it gets difficult to recognize all the work you've actually put in to keep it that way.

When I first started, I'd over work myself to the point of passing out each day because I wasn't pacing myself. I was trying to deep clean the entire house every single day, which is not only impractical, but also impossible to maintain. I started tracking everything and now not only do I have more energy but I have time for myself during the day. I don't burn out anymore. Keeping track and scheduling is sincerely a lifesaver.

Crafting a Personality and Capitalising on it

How do we craft a personality that is socially charming yet true to our roots?

How do we mingle and meet new people without feeling awkward or shy about it?

How do we not lose ourselves while following all these blah blah etiquette rules?

Welcome to part 2 of my Chic Girl Mentality series. 🤍

Today, we will focus on crafting a personality that is still you but better.

First, let’s talk about people in social settings. You’ll meet people who are confident, secure and socially charming. You’ll meet quiet people who may be equally socially charming or just very shy and conscious. You’ll meet the braggers and the doe-eyed followers. There’s a lot of different types of people in the world and knowing how to gracefully navigate most of them is nothing but a learned art.

People, regardless of their bank balance, are insecure of what they do not have yet. This can be looks, money, experience, lifestyle, and so on. How do we capitalise on this without exploiting or manipulating anyone?

By knowing how to tell a story.

That doesn’t mean that you need to become a public speaker or politician, it just means that you need to be able to craft intriguing stories about yourself, using your own life and experiences, to “sell” an interesting version of you socially. We’re all interesting people but only a few of us know how to say that we’re interesting without saying that we’re interesting.

Experience 

People, even those with money, will always be more attracted to those who have experiences, especially, unique ones. Whether it’s travelling to exotic locations or trying new culinary destinations, or wearing unknown designers, knowing obscure artists or writers, or being at the top of your industry… experience is the most important thing to cultivate first.  You already have experience. If you went to school, high school, college, joined clubs, your first job, any travelling, etc - these are all experiences.

Make a list of 5 of the most interesting experiences you think you have.

Hobbies and interests 

Have a couple of lowkey hobbies that you feel enthusiastic about. Whether it’s doing some charity work on Sundays, or cooking, or pottery, whatever it is, keeping a hobby is healthy. 

There should be something to you that an acquaintance can remark about: “CSB? Oh yes, I’ve heard that she’s a great dancer.” 

Vulnerabilities 

Certain vulnerabilities must never, ever be shared. It will 100% be used either as gossip or blackmail. 

However, coming across as someone with no weaknesses is rather untrustworthy- it makes the other person feel that you’re clearly hiding something. 

Make a list of vulnerabilities that are small and you don’t mind sharing. These should be vulnerabilities that will never ruin your reputation in any form but can be used as a form of bonding with empathy. 

And make a list of hard core vulnerabilities you know you should never share with anyone. Keep it memorised rather than written down. 

Experience + Hobbies or Interests + Safe Vulnerabilities = Personality

Storytelling 

Now that you have some experience, hobbies, interests, and your “safe” vulnerabilities sorted even if it’s limited - what will make it stand out is the art of storytelling. Some storytellers can make even the most mundane experiences sound magical - it’s all in the words and delivery. There’s a reason why every Holy Book is a story, packed with lessons and morals - it’s impactful, easy to remember and recall and relatable. Craft your experiences into stories. Use those 5 experiences that you noted down and start writing them down as stories.

Take up an online storytelling class or watch videos. Start honing this skill by writing and reading good literature. 

Refine your 5 experiences further. Run it through chatGPT, say them out loud and most importantly- start testing them out on people. See what makes them chuckle and what doesn’t; what makes them empathise and what doesn’t.

A famous comedian whose name I can’t remember does the same thing. He creates his set. He goes to a small pub and tries it out on the audience there. And the first set is always the first. The audience may not laugh at his jokes, they might boo him or sometimes, he might get a laugh out of them. But every time, he goes home and refines his set further. Once his set is fully refined, and he accomplishes his goal of the audience peeling with laughter at every joke, that’s when he goes on national TV / on tour etc etc.

The most important thing is to craft your stories of your experiences in a way that it delivers the value you want the person to remember about you.

For instance, if I want to be seen as creative and innovative, I won’t tell the person in front of me, “oh, I’m soo innovative and creative!”

Rather I will weave that into a story. “When I was 24, at my first job in the advertising space, we were losing clients left and right. And one weekend, I was on a trek on the mountains - it’s one of my hobbies - this idea hit me, and I suddenly knew exactly how to get our clients back. My team was hesitant about my idea, and we got a lot of pushback, but we went ahead. The night before my launch I was so nervous, I got hardly sleep. And you won’t believe it, but the idea worked! The response was fantastic.”

Let the other person come to the conclusion of you being innovative and creative. Human beings love to deduce things and jump to conclusions and provided you set the context the right way, you should be able to project the version of you that is the best part of you.

Vocabulary 

A sign of a good education- even if you don’t have it - is a diverse vocabulary. I’ve always had a little more respect and awe for those who are articulate, can speak smoothly and speak confidently. I’ve noticed that my American friends, for instance, tend to talk fast with lots of filler words, and sentences tend to end with a pitch up instead of down, which to me indicates hesitation or indecision. Speaking slower, ending your sentences with pitch going down to indicate a full stop rather than up makes you seem like a refined speaker even if your subject is utterly stupid. 

Body language and mannerisms, social interaction 

Watch old classic Hollywood movies to really understand this - especially romantic ones. Choose ones with a femme fatale or siren-like female lead, and watch how she enraptures the male lead or the audience around her. 

A combination of fantastic storytelling and body language will take you places beyond your dreams. Some of the biggest frauds, scammers, politicians, criminals are also some of the best storytellers. Humans are attracted to stories, we pick up body language intuitively, we can sense when someone is nervous or isn’t. Unfortunately the world isn’t a kind place and will not necessarily help you out of your shyness- in fact, that might just make you the best target for exploitation. 

Storytelling + Vocabulary + Body Language = Your Best Personality

The Charisma Myth: things that I liked

dokumen.pub

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism 9781101560303, 2011043729 - DOKUMEN.PUB

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Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.

Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence).

Expensive clothing leads us to assume wealth, friendly body language leads us to assume good intentions, a confident posture leads us to assume the person has something to be confident about. In essence, people will tend to accept whatever you project.

when you can project both power and warmth together, you really maximize your personal charisma potential.

charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind. Knowing how to skillfully handle mental discomfort is even more important than knowing how to handle physical discomfort. Anxiety is a serious drawback to charisma. First, it impacts our internal state: quite obviously, it’s hard to be fully present while you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety can also lower our confidence. Anxiety, low presence, and low confidence can show up directly in our body language, as well as reduce our ability to emanate warmth.

 The single most effective technique I’ve found to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. Pick an entity—God, Fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs—that you could imagine as benevolent. Imagine lifting the weight of everything you’re concerned about—this meeting, this interaction, this day—off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you’ve chosen. They’re in charge now. Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

Golfer Jack Nicklaus said that he never hit a shot, even during practice, without visualizing it first. For decades, professional athletes have considered visualization an essential tool, often spending hours visualizing their victory, telling their mind just what they want their body to achieve.

“There is good evidence that imagining oneself performing an activity activates parts of the brain that are used in actually performing the activity,” Professor Stephen Kosslyn, director of Stanford’s Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, wrote me. Visualization can even physically alter the brain structure: repeated experiments have shown that simply imagining yourself playing the piano with sufficient repetition leads to a detectable and measurable change in the motor cortex of the brain.

Silvia recently confided that visualization is one of the secrets to her success. Before key meetings, she’ll imagine “the smiles on their faces because they liked me and they are confident about the value I’m bringing them. I’ll imagine as much detail as I can, even seeing the wrinkles around their eyes as they’re smiling.” She visualizes the whole interaction, all the way through to the firm handshakes that close the meeting, sealing the deal.

A twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by imagining the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.

Self-confidence is our belief in our ability to do or to learn how to do something.

Self-esteem is how much we approve of or value ourselves. It’s often a comparison-based evaluation (whether measured against other people or against our own internal standards for approval).

Self-compassion is how much warmth we can have for ourselves, especially when we’re going through a difficult experience.

It’s quite possible for people to have high self-confidence but low self-esteem and very low self-compassion.

Types of charisma:

Focus: Focus charisma requires, of course, the ability to focus and be truly present. Good listening skills are nonnegotiable, as is a certain degree of patience. To develop focus charisma, cultivate your ability to be present.

Visionary charisma makes others feel inspired; it makes us believe. It can be remarkably effective even though it won’t necessarily make people like you. We assess visionary charisma primarily through demeanor, which includes body language and behavior. Due to the fact that people tend to accept whatever you project, if you seem inspired, they will assume you have something to be inspired about.

kindness charisma comes entirely from body language—specifically your face, and even more specifically your eyes. Kindness charisma is primarily based on warmth. It connects with people’s hearts, and makes them feel welcomed, cherished, embraced, and, most of all, completely accepted.

Authority charisma is primarily based on a perception of power: the belief that this person has the power to affect our world. We evaluate someone’s authority charisma through four indicators: body language, appearance, title, and the reactions of others. you’ll need to learn how to “take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation. Look expensive. 

Avoid holding a drink in your right hand, especially if it’s a cold drink, as the condensation will make your hand feel cold and clammy. Before shaking someone’s hand, whether you are a man or a woman, rise if you’re seated. And keep your hands out of your pockets: visible hands make you look more open and honest. Make sure to use plenty of eye contact, and smile warmly but briefly: too much smiling could make you appear overeager. Keep your head straight, without tilting it in any way, and face the person.

Ask people open ended questions, focus on questions that will likely elicit positive emotions. With your questions, you have the power to lead the conversation in the direction you want. In fact, even when you’re speaking, the one word that should pop up most often in your conversation is not I but you. Instead of saying “I read a great article on that subject in the New York Times,” try “You might enjoy the recent New York Times article on the subject.” Or simply insert “You know...” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.

Another way to exit a conversation with grace is to offer something of value:

Information: an article, book, or Web site you think might be of use to them A connection: someone they ought to meet whom you know and can introduce them to

Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak

Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for

When someone has spoken, see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer. The sequence goes like this:

They finish their sentence

Your face absorbs

Your face reacts

Then, and only then, you answer

The next time you’re given a compliment, the following steps will help you skillfully handle the moment:

1. Stop.

2. Absorb the compliment.

3. Let that second of absorption show on your face. Show the person that they’ve had an impact.

4. Thank them. Saying “Thank you very much” is enough, but you can take it a step further by thanking them for their thoughtfulness or telling them that they’ve made your day.

It’s not just metaphors that can paint the wrong picture. Some common phrases can have the same effect. When you tell someone, “No problem,” “Don’t worry,” or “Don’t hesitate to call,” for example, there’s a chance their brain will remember “problem,” “worry,” or “hesitate” instead of your desire to support them. To counter this negative effect, use phrases like “We’ll take care of it” or “Please feel free to call anytime.”

You can deliver value to others in multiple ways:

Entertainment: Make your e-mail or meeting enjoyable.

Information: Give interesting or informative content that they can use. 

Good feelings: Find ways to make them feel important or good about themselves. 

The longer you speak, the higher the price you’re making them pay, so the higher the value ought to be. 

If your goal is to communicate power, set the pitch, tone, volume, and tempo of your voice in the following ways:

Pitch and tone: The lower, more resonant, and more baritone your voice, the more impact it will have.

Volume: One of the first things an actor learns to do on stage is to project his voice, which means gaining the ability to modulate its volume and aim it in such a targeted way that specific portions of the audience can hear it, even from afar. One classic exercise to hone your projection skills is to imagine that your words are arrows. As you speak, aim them at different groups of listeners.

Tempo: A slow, measured tempo with frequent pauses conveys confidence.

To emanate vocal warmth, you need to do only one thing: smile, or even just imagine smiling.

Charismatic people are known to be more “contagious”; they have a strong ability to transmit their emotions to others.

The most effective and credible compliments are those that are both personal and specific. For instance, instead of “Great job,” you could say, “You did a great job,” or, better yet, “The way you kept your calm when that client became obnoxious was impressive.”

Here’s one specific—and surprisingly effective—recommendation for phone charisma, courtesy of author Leil Lowndes: Do not answer the phone in a warm or friendly manner. Instead, answer crisply and professionally. Then, only after you hear who is calling, let warmth or even enthusiasm pour forth in your voice. This simple technique is an easy and effective way to make people feel special. I recommend it to all my business clients whose companies have a strong customer service component. The gains in customer satisfaction are impressive.

Charisma takes practice. Steve Jobs, who appeared so masterful on stage, was known to rehearse important presentations relentlessly.

Retain at least a certain measure of equanimity. Most charismatic leaders are known for their ability to remain (or appear) calm even in the midst of turbulent circumstances.

Vintage workout vision board

We'll live long and we'll live well!

Elise Crombez photographed by Javier Vallhonrat for Vogue, June 2008

10 tiny things that changed my life ₊˚⊹♡

It's so easy to get caught up in the big picture, but sometimes it's the little things that can make all the difference. Here are some small things that have changed my life for the better, and I hope they can do the same for you :)

1. The power of the to-do list.

I know, I know. You've probably heard this one a thousand times before. But seriously, hear me out. Writing down a to-do list the night before has totally changed the game for me. I mean, who wouldn't want to wake up knowing exactly what needs to be done, instead of running around like a headless chicken? (Been there, done that – not cute.)

And here's a pro tip: Make sure to prioritize your tasks. You know, so you can tackle the most important stuff first and avoid those nasty all-nighters.

2. Drinking water like it's my job.

Okay, I'll admit it. I used to be one of those girls who would choose a sugary drink over water any day. But let me tell you, staying hydrated has worked wonders for my skin, energy levels, and overall mood. So, drink up, ladies! Your body will thank you later.

3. Embracing the "two minute rule".

This one's a game-changer! If a task takes less than two minutes, just do it right away.

Say goodbye to those piles of clothes on the chair (you know the one), and hello to a cleaner, more organized life. Chef's kiss.

4. Learning to say "no" (politely, of course)

It's time to face the facts: We can't do it all. So, learning to say "no" to things that don't align with our priorities is absolutely essential. And guess what? It's totally okay to put yourself first sometimes. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.

5. Feeling gratitude.

Practicing gratitude has made me appreciate the little things in life. I mean, who knew that writing down three things you're grateful for each day could have such a positive impact on your mood? (Hint: It's me – I'm telling you now!)

6. Rocking the "me time".

Self-care is everything! Taking time out for yourself – whether it's a bubble bath, binge-watching your favorite show, or reading a good book – can do wonders for your mental health. So, go ahead and indulge in some me-time.

7. The art of journaling (Dear Diary...)

Journaling isn't just for angsty teens, I promise. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be super therapeutic, and it's a great way to work through any challenges you're facing. Plus, you'll have a written record of your life to look back on – and laugh (or cringe) at – later.

8. Surrounding yourself with positivity (good vibes only!)

You are the company you keep! Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people who support and encourage you. Trust me, life is way too short to hang out with people who bring you down. So, go ahead and build your group of amazing people who will cheer you on every step of the way.

9. Dancing it out.

You heard me – dancing is not just for parties! Crank up your favorite tunes and have a mini dance party in your room. It's a fun way to let off steam, boost your mood, and get a little cardio in (bonus!). Plus, who doesn't love feeling like the star of their own music video?

10. Embracing the beauty of imperfection.

Don't let perfect become the enemy of good. For most things in life, getting it done is better than getting it perfect.

And there you have it! Ten tiny things that have changed my life, and I'm sure they can do the same for you. So, go on and give them a try – you just might be surprised by how much of a difference these small changes can make. Cheers to a better, happier, and more fabulous life! ♡

How to be more feminine?? Besides looks what can I do to increase my feminine energy

Like I always say, femininity isn’t always about looks, it’s about mindfulness.

Keep in mind feminine energy is unique to every person.

Feminine energy also does not mean you forsake a balance with your masculine energy. I have talked about it in another post.

These are simply suggestions, but this is what I find best.

Doll Diaries: Femininity From Within

1. Etiquette, Class, and Poise.

Be nice or don’t say anything at all. It’s not cute to gossip about other women, and it only speaks volumes about you, not the other individual.

When in conflict, know how to still maintain a balance with your masculine energy. Stand up for yourself when needed, while being classy. Respond to the problem, don’t attack the person. Or you can completely ignore someone who is spiteful. Either way, don’t give them the power.

-> Expressing yourself with eloquence will always win versus expressing yourself with sloppy and negative verbiage. If you find yourself complaining, work on it. If you find yourself discouraging others and yourself, work on it. Leave deprecation, especially self, alone.

-> Having manners in general will set you apart. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”/“pardon me” is very important when speaking to others. Consider the way you speak to others.

-> Know what language and what jokes are appropriate in each situation you’re in. Always be on the side of caution if you’re unsure.

-> Leave all pettiness behind. The only woman you are in competition with is yourself.

2. Confidence.

Having confidence will enhance your femininity physically and mentally. You will become more independent and in tune with yourself. Confidence is not to be confused with arrogance, which involves overzealous behavior such as bragging. A confident presence speaks before you say a word. Let it speak for you, rather than proving anything.

•Dignity — always reflect on your thought processes, behaviors, and actions. Be self aware of what can completely destroy your sense of dignity.

•Graciously accept compliments, and graciously give them. Know that someone else’s good attributes do not negate yours. Never be threatened by another woman.

•Always walk with your head high, looking ahead, never at the floor, no matter what happened that day. Have good posture to follow that — shoulders back. Walk gracefully at an even pace.

•Speak clearly enough for others to understand, and project your voice at an appropriate volume. Enunciate your words properly to show your intelligence. Refrain from “ums” and speaking too quickly.

•Take pride in your body, live a better life and have a healthier association with your temple. This is the only body you have, treat it well.

3. Nurture your mind.

Have hobbies, read stimulating material, and always be up to date with current events, rather than gossip about what Susie, your ex’s new boo and your next object of envy, wore on Insta last night. Level up and focus on yourself, rather than low vibrational topics.

Examples of hobbies:

-> Journaling

-> Gardening

-> Cooking

-> Art

-> Music

-> Sports

-> Reading

-> Dancing

-> Yoga & Meditation

-> Makeup

Have things you are interested in, so that you become enraptured in those things. Know when you need to connect with what you love. Do what feeds your soul. Have a good routine involving your hobbies/interests mixed with self care so that you will be a balanced individual.

4. Gratitude, Compassion, and Communication.

Don’t ever feel as though you are entitled to anything. Be grateful for what you have, and what others do. Express your gratitude to others with a “thank you”/thank you card or gesture, and “I appreciate”.

Know when to congratulate someone, and when to emphasize their successes.

Always stay true to your agreed obligations, and if you cannot, communicate such. Be a woman of your word.

If you’re going to be grateful, you also have to care about others.

-> Show compassion.

Be an active listener to your friends. Let them express what is on their minds. Some people just need you to listen, not fix. Some people just need you to listen, not judge. See their perspective, because a good friend would do the same for you.

-> Do things for others, within your boundaries and limits. Make others feel special, because they are as well. Engage with whoever you are speaking to.

-> Respect other opinions and know when to agree to disagree. Do not make generalizations with others and tell them what they “always” do. Communicate maturely.

Be honest, and mean what you say. Be impeccable with your word. Let truth and love prevail.

5. Self Awareness & Authenticity.

Always have the self awareness to know what is going on within yourself. Know your qualities. You can be your own worst critic, and you are the only thing holding you back from being the divine woman you would like to be.

What will set you apart from others is your willingness to be authentic and genuine. Most people are busy putting up a front to keep face. With you, what you see is what you will get. Your characteristics make you you, and you are appreciative of them.

-> Recognize your imperfections, but don’t dwell on them. Forgive your mistakes, and allow yourself to be blessed.

-> Maintain your boundaries and values.

-> Always remain cognizant of how you see yourself and how others see you. Know what impression is being made.

-> Take appropriate risks instead of being anchored down by “shoulda coulda woulda” mentality. Stop talking about it and just do it.

-> Never please others at the expense of yourself. Don’t become obsessed with people pleasing.

-> Be self aware enough to know when you must learn. Nobody is exempt from learning and adapting. Accept criticism to grow in wisdom, rather than being defensive.

Know your strengths and focus in on them. Be so finely in tune with yourself that no one will catch you off balance. If you must have a moment to yourself, withdraw and refresh.

All of these things will lead you to your path of divine femininity. These qualities and lessons go beyond outward appearance. Your relationship with yourself will set the tone for everything else.

I hope this helps!

xoxo, thevirgodoll ♡

How I manipulate people into giving me what I want

As y’all probably know I’m obsessed with social psychology and have read countless books on how to influence the opinions of others without much effort. Anyway, I was just able to get a first class ticket on a fully booked flight (I missed my original flight by over 2 hours) so I thought I’d share my general technique of manipulating people into doing favors for me :)

1. I approach them with completely open and non-aggressive body language. I walk over with a full smile, I make eye contact for a second, smile, look away, and make eye contact again (people hate prolonged eye-contact, it intimidates them), I raise my eyebrows (to show recognition), and I don’t get too close (people don’t like their personal space violated).

2. When I reach them, I make an empathetic statement. The thing is, people think the world revolves around them so the way to get anyone to like you is to make them feel…like the world revolves around them. So I make a comment like, “Wow, you must be having such a busy day” or “So, those other customers were driving you crazy, huh”. This allows them to not only feel empathized with but also acknowledged.

3. I let them compliment themselves. So in my plane ticket scenario, after giving my empathetic comment of “So, you must be really busy this morning”, I followed it up with “it must take so much patience to deal with so many cancellations”. The guy behind the counter was elated and immediately said “Yes, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and it’s really forced me to be a calm and patient man”. By allowing him to compliment himself, he didn’t have to feel that I was being fake and also felt better about himself. After that comment, I was able to ask him about his experience working at the airport and build genuine rapport for about 5 minutes (of course, focusing the entire conversation on him).

4. I add a sense of urgency. Adding a time frame to a matter is incredibly helpful because it forces your company to think of immediate solutions. So after our really pleasant chat, I simply went “Do you know where I can go to get on a flight to London? I missed my flight and have to get to class by early afternoon.” Adding a “why” to a request is also helpful because according to studies, when people have context for a request they’re much more willing to fulfill it. In response to my question he immediately began looking for the first flight out to the UK.

5. I let them offer. I never directly ask for something, it’s too intrusive for a stranger and puts them in defense mode. Instead, I wait and let them offer. I could’ve asked him to get me a new ticket and I could’ve asked him to upgrade me, but instead I let our relationship develop organically and worked on his subconscious to get him to feel inexplicably grateful for my presence and therefore like he owed me for making his day better. It’s always best to allow them to offer to help, that way they feel like they’re in control which of course, people love.

That’s it! Works like an absolute charm and no, pretty privilege has nothing to do with it :)