There Are Only Two Mental Illnesses According To People On The Internet:

Happy Dracula daily day, praying for Jonathan Harker and his queer dreams <3

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

The suitors and their Wikipedia enthusiast

Bram Stoker wrote Mina Harker phenomenally then everyone else has been trying to "fix her" and falling flat on their face tripping over their own clown shoes

Partner: WHY on earth do you have 'Check on Johnathan' and 'Listen to Dracula' on today's to do list? Right next to make tea/cut pineapple/fold laundry, what does it mean?

Me: *gazing off into the distance* Our dear friend Johnathan Harker is in peril, yet again, but there is nothing we can do... [ proceeds to explain the whole plot]

Partner: Oh, well ok thats fine I guess, I hope his day gets better

Me: It will absolutely not be getting better

i hate driving. here are the laws! if you break them there will be consequences! except youre also expected to break the law just a little bit. people will get mad at you if you dont. you dont have right of way but the person who does is waving you forward for some reason. here's the speed limit! it's not the speed limit, the actual speed limit is that plus ~5-10. the light is green but you're in the turning lane. can you go? should you have gone just then? the person behind you is honking at you. there's a weird noise coming from your engine; if you try to do the right thing and get it checked out, will you get scammed? you are driving a 1-2 ton metal machine rocketing at speeds unknown to humankind for most of history. around a million people die in car accidents every year; that's about one person every thirty seconds. if you take that seriously and try to drive safely then people get mad at you.

its almost may u know. what that mean/s

castlerabbit

If Mina Murray has 1,000,000,000 fans i am one of them.

If Mina Murray has 100,000 fans i am one of them.

If Mina Murray has 1,000 fans i am one of them.

If Mina Murray has 100 fans i am one of them.

If Mina Murray has 1 fan then that's me

if Mina Murray has no fans that means I am no longer with you, though i shall go into that unknown and terrible land alone, recruited to ghastly ranks so I remain Mina Murray's one fan.

Being a fan of dracula is embarrassing for me for some reason. Like "here's my otp it's a deranged lawyer and his train loving wife"

No Dracula Daily today. Guess he's dead already.