“Mom!”
“What?”
“Mom!”
Bruce raised an eyebrow but didn’t look away from his laptop. “What?”
“MOM!”
“WHAT?” Bruce shouted back, finally closing his laptop after figuring out he wasn’t going to get any more work done for the day.
Bruce peaked his head out of his study and sighed when he saw Tim motioning for him to follow him. “Tim I swear if someone’s bleeding out again-“
“Ugh no! Will you let that go already?” Tim rolled his eyes and tugged on Bruce’s arms, dragging him into the kitchen.
“Can I eat this?” Tim opened the fridge and pointed at a box of sushi in the fridge.
“What? No, that’s yours brother’s.” Bruce shook his head, wondering if this was all that Tim called him for.
“Yeah… but it’s been in here for an hour. I don’t think Dick’s coming back for it Dad.” Tim said, hands reaching for the box, licking his lips like a cartoon villain.
Bruce lightly smacked Tim’s hands away and closed the fridge. “Stop that. You know Dick would kill you. Go find something else to eat.”
“But there’s nothing!” Tim whined, dramatically throwing himself on a counter and dragging his upper half around like a child. “Can I order sushi then?”
“No, especially after you and Stephanie misappropriated your bank account for that prank last week? That’s funny, make a sandwich.” Bruce chuckled softly, ruffling Tim’s already messy hair and stopping himself from bursting out laughing as Tim grumbled and tried to seat his hand away.
Bruce left the kitchen with Tim still trying to bargain. “If you eat the sushi I’ll tell your brother it was you!” Bruce called out, his only response and offended and betrayed shout of ‘Mom’.
The response to this Ben Shapiro video.
Conservatives are waking up to the grift.
Did I just download an entire game in Japanese cause there isn’t an English version?
Maybe
Good thing I’ve been meaning to learn Japanese.
Man, TimKon has to have craziest in-laws. Imagine what headache the After marriage dinners get.
Duke: hey um… can you pass the salt *eyeing Lex Luthor*
Lex: *takes the salt but moves it away from Duke*
Selina: God why are you even in here?!
Lex: Because I am Conner’s BIOLOGICAL father unlike you, you stealing broad—
Lois: *tiredly sighs* Oh my God, here we go again…
Bruce: Blood relation means nothing, Lex.
Dick: to quote Maya Angelou: "Family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs”
*Lex proceeds to stand up and points at the person at the end of the table*
Kate: now, this is gonna be interesting
Clark: Lex can you sit down?
Lex: for all my Intellect and prowess what I don’t understand is…WHY ARE THEY HERE!! *points at the Al Ghuls*
Talia: quit embarrassing yourself, Luthor. Timothy is my beloved’s son and brother to two of my sons—
Selina: *looks at Talia tiredly* would you please move on?
Talia: No! *slams the table* you are only his Girlfriend. While I am the Mother of his sons.
Selina: No sane mother trains her children to be weapons of war *pulls out her nails*
Talia: you haven’t seen this mother. *pulls out a sword*
Damian: Mothers, can you all stop? It’s embarrassing.
Minkhoa: as far as I’m concerned, I’m the spouse.
Bruce: Please I beg of you don’t do this Minkhoa
Jim whispers to Barbara: is it always like this?
Barbara whispers back: only during holidays
Jim: remind me not to attend during it
Stephanie: I could get why Talia is here but why is he here *sideeyes Ra’s Al Ghul* Didn’t you steal Tim’s spleen?
Ra’s: I am Talia’s father which makes me the detective’s father-in-law, by extension Timothy’s Grandfather.
*Alfred audibly cocks his shotgun under the table*
Jason: Crazy mental gymnastics there, geezer.
Ra’s: It is a shame that the detective’s choice to spend eternity is with that abomination…
Lex: you take that back, he’s genetically perfect! He’s half of my crush I meant rival and half of me! Me! you ancient terroris—
*a chorus of outrage erupts*
Jon: WOAH WOAH!
Dick: HEY!!
Luke: neglecting the part where Lex just admitted to—
*cuts short by Lucius Fox*
Lucius whispers: I strongly advise, you don’t add fuel to whatever this is, Luke.
Minkhoa: I mean he’s not wrong…
Tim leans on Conner: Welp, that checks my ‘racism at the table’ bingo card
Jean Paul: You are all sinners! I condemn this unholy matrimony! No man can marry a man much less born out of unnatural means!
Conner: There goes the homophobia one *checks the bingo card*
seeing people on twitter call buck “clifford the big red bisexual” and remembering clifford only grew so big because he was loved so hugely and unconditionally by emily elizabeth. and thinking about twinky lonely season one buck who’d just joined the 118. versus big beautiful beefcake season 8 buck after nearly a decade with bobby, hen, and chim, with his sister, with eddie and chris. so yeah, clifford the big red bisexual growing and growing and growing because their love for him is so damn big.
Apparently its canon that:
Dick and Jason look alike.
Dick is basically Bruce's carbon copy.
Can you imagine how many times Dick have been mistaken as Jason and Bruce? Or Jason being mistaken as Dick?
Dick, wearing a black tank top and sweats— looking exactly like Bruce, walks into the kitchen:
Damian: Morning, Father.
Dick, turns around, expecting to see Bruce behind him: ?????
——————
20 year old Dick casually picking up his 13 year old brother Jason from school:
Random teacher: Ah, Mr. Wayne. Are you here to pick Jason up?
Dick: Mr— It's me, Dick??? Dick Grayson??????
——————
Dick walking into the Manor after Bruce and Jason having an argument about something:
Bruce: Jason? You're back?
Dick in a leather jacket: He's out killing people wdym??????
——————
Dick just wanting to get some coffee, gets stopped by paparazzi, thinking he was Bruce:
Random reporter: Mr. Wayne!
Dick: STOP CONFUSING ME AS MY DAD
——————
Dick hanging out with Tim:
Random passerby whispering to their friend: That's Bruce Wayne and his son Timothy Drake!
Dick, who could hear it: ...
Tim: Calm down. Calm your tits.
——————
Jason walking into the kitchen, Bruce and Tim are there, both have been awake for 72 hours now:
Bruce: Morning Dick.
Jason: Did you just call me a dick????
Tim: But— that's your name?
Jason: My name is Jason. I'm NOT DICK.
——————
Jason and Dick getting de-aged, both wearing their Robin costumes:
Cassandra: Sooooo... which one is Dick and which one is Jason?
Bruce: I— I never realised they look so similar.
Duke: The angry and feral one must be Jason. Dick's the smiley one.
Tim: Nope. Dick's the feral. Jason's the happy. Been stalking them for years, I would know.
——————
Dick crying hysterically: Do I look old enough to be mistaken as Bruce?!?!?!?!
Bruce: *glares*
Jason: Exactly! I don't look that old to look like Dick.
Dick: FUCK YOU
——————
But of course, sometimes it's an advantage. Dick could get away with things like being Batman, getting his brothers out of trouble, etc.
While Jason could get away with being Nightwing and stuff. (ehem that time when he dressed up as Nightwing and killed people in the suit.)
SO THEY MADE WOOLY MICE USING MAMMOTH GENOMES AND I LOVE THEM
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"
STOP. moment of gratitude for those precious times of breathing from your nostrils when you don't have a stuffy nose
Tim: I've decided that if I'm going to be chronically ill and fainting all the time, I'm going to make it interesting
Tim: by the end of the year, whoever catches me most gets 100 dollars
Jason: im going to push you down so many staircases
23 - She/Her - Bisexual You can call me Anna Linktree
189 posts