Every Year I Reach New Lows And Wish I Killed Myself Earlier

I feel fake

I love them with all of my hesrt

But my hearts so broken and beaten

Do I even know how to love

I want to scream run

I want to scream hide

I have to protect them from the broken shards of glass i will surely try to throw

Am I selfish for wanting to hold them close

Am I selfish for wanting them to leave when they're my whole world

Am I selfish when I know i help them

But if they knew the truth

They'd be destoryed

I love them so much

Is love holding on or letting go

the “i wanna go home” never leaves my head even when i’m physically sitting in my bed

growing up is terrifying i wasn’t supposed to make it this far and now my future depends on me and i have to make wise choices and decisions and i’m just sitting here like a clueless little kid

The best thing about life is that it’ll end one day

"How do you cope with your disorders?"

I don't.

You ask why I didn't reply to your text

I wanted too

But the weight of a conversation felt impossible to carry

You ask why I dont text back

I tried too

But I was scared id say the wrong thing

You ask why I never tell you things

I want to

But im scared you'll hate me for everything I do

You ask why I dont talk

I tried too

The words couldnt seem to come out

You ask why I dont wanna be your friend

I want to

But I couldnt handle you leaving

So I left first

Tw sh talk

I need to slit my wrists

I need to watch the blood run down my arm

I need to watch my skin forced apart

I need to feel the stinging as I slice my flesh open

The release as pain is the only thing I feel

I need to watch the scars form

I need to feel the sting when I shower

The pain as it rubbs against my clothes

For this is my punishment isn't it

Pretty like tired nights

Pretty like dying leaves

Pretty like broken glass

Pretty like bleach stains on a black shirt

Pretty and fragile

Pretty and gone

Why do I feel this bad

My parents are okay people

I have money

Education

Everything everyone wants

So why do I still feel this shitty