[at Disneyland, On The Teacup Ride]

“You don’t choose the Chologuard life, the Chologuard life chooses you.”

Eddie: “Be honest what really made you come around?”

Venom: “You, Eddie!”

Me:

Loki: *finishes eating a banana* *drops the banana peel on the ground and walks way*

Peter: *innocently walking to the Avengers Tower* *slips on banana peel* *does a backflip and saves himself* *keeps walking*

Peter: *sighs with relief* That was close– *walks into a bunch of garbage bins*

Dan: Oh hey Eddie see you drinking protein shakes.

Eddie: Huh? Oh no this isn't protein shake it's chocolate milk. Venom asked for this.

THIS. THIS IS THE MOMENT. THIS IS WHEN I FELL IN LOVE WITH BUCKY. He is FUCKING TERRIFIED that the Winter Soldier is going to come out. That he will be made to hurt or kill people.  Sebastian’s little lip quiver is a masterpiece of acting.

Peter Parker

If you mother effers, I'M TALKING TO YOU MARVEL, think for a SECOND that Pepper Potts will not defend her husband's son from the Daily Bugle....

Tony on his computer: Hey Pepper?

Pepper: If you’re gonna ask me if Peter would like one of those giant stuffed animals you got me the answer is no he wouldn’t

Tony: ….

Tony adding it to his cart: No I’m pretty sure he’ll like it

Me after I explain the entirety of the mcu to my family but they still answer with “what?”

Venom: I'm a bad motherfucker mmkay? I'll eat HER head, I'll eat HIS head, I'll eat MY OWN head. I don't care about anything or anyone so fuck this planet and fuck you in particular you're sushi for the taking

Eddie: *walks in, stumbles and falls flat on his face*

Venom:

Venom: Look I'm the softest bitch you'll ever meet all I wanna do is eat chocolate marry this human trashbag over there and have like six kids

I will not be taking any questions at this time.