Hey Tumblr... I Haven't Seen A Certain Poll Or Anything... I'm Also Not Getting Involved At All... And

I don't think you understand the comedic value of hiring a guy to be security for your museum only to come back one day and see said guy just standing there with the entire road outside of the building destroyed and caution tape in random parts of the building. Also he tells you there's hundreds of catalysts on your property.

a kind of continuation of my ‘hermes in his cowboy phase’ post

cause i want jimmy to stop being mean to that kid before i swat him with a newspaper! i will uncle-fy him myself if i have to

nothing highlights how weird xisumas base is more than him starting his monologue about being homesick with "i miss the Skull"

british hermits, most to least normcore, by my own whims (normcore here associated with arranging and participating in social events, often with the lads, and or fitting in at an office dayjob):

grian. he's the most normcore british hermit. they're all strange, but he's the one most likely to be assimilate into the real world. can be imagined going to nandos with the lads (Jimmy, Joel etc.)

falsesymmetry. ok getting weirder. false is a little deranged but she gets things done. you can look at her and assume she's normal and being weird is a hobby for her

stress. stress IS deranged but she does run a fitness channel which decreases her weird points. she's also responsible and prioritizes her children over her minecraft, so I'd trust her with real world responsibilities

rendog. there is something wrong with him (affectionate), but i think he'd get enrichment from being introduced to the lads at spoons

xisuma. he has tried so hard to be normcore that he's fallen out of the other end. this vibe is almost overwhelming in an xisuma stream when you're listening to cleo sigh and go 'oh x'. would perplex the lads at spoons and refuse to eat at nandos

cleo. try and introduce cleo to the lads and they'll dissolve. loner energy. perfectly suited to being online. hermit most likely to understand joe hills. with enough prep will approach the lads like a cat sniffing through the door (and then get involved in a series of death games)

mumbo jumbo. it's quite simple really. redstone whizz who cycled the whole way across europe for fun. mumbo is a special flavour but it's not normcore (idk what it is tho)

zedaph. least normcore. why is he like that? it's wonderful, but why? he perplexes even the gamecode. phenomenal work

25 for the wrapped drabble!

25: "Bremen", PigPen Theater Co.

It was part of the plan, everbody would stand On their hind legs, hands holding high the other Like a tower of brothers, and the one on the top Would crow warnings and call in the morning And call out the storm that was coming The one on the bottom would steer 'til the road was clear And people would learn to rejoice and to fear our coming

It is, ironically, a mild, wet temperature over Dogwarts, the sort of weather that mostly feels dreary rather than being properly cold, or snowy, or icy, or any of the sorts of things that the kinds of people who claim to bring forth winter would be expected to have over their fortress.

"Oh, come on, you've gotta be cheating!" says Skizz, throwing his cards down on the table. They're stained a strange purple. "Dippledop, tell them that he's cheating."

"I mean, I don't know, Skizz," Impulse says. "You aren't good enough at cheating to have taught me how to spot it..."

"I mean, you're the one marking cards," Martyn says idly.

"You know I can't help it!" says Skizz. "It's my ender-what's-its. My purple scales. My, my general, uh, what's a good word for it -"

"Ourple," Etho says.

"What?" Impulse says.

"He's ourple," Etho says, and then doesn't elaborate at all.

"You know, if you're going to accuse me of cheating, why not accuse him?" Martyn says. "I mean, look at him. He's wearing a mask while we're playing poker. That's basically against the rules."

"I don't have a face, man," Etho says.

"Did you mean -" Big B starts. Impulse puts a hand on his leg. Big B stops.

"I'm just saying," Martyn says, as he takes the distraction as an excuse to palm one of the cards using and replace it with a king he's been keeping in a pocket. He knows the king won't be suspicious largely because he's been keeping track of the cards Skizz has had, and the king he's about to put in his hand is the same one that Skizz had three hands earlier.

Martyn is going to win, like, so many meaningless favors from people who are all definitely going to die before Martyn can call them in, but hey. He's definitely going to die before he has a chance to worry about it, either.

(At one point, it had been about winning. He's good at cheating.)

"You know what, yeah! That is cheating! Show us your face, huh, Etho?" says Skizz, pointing dramatically. Big B snorts into his cards.

"Uh, I mean, I don't know, man," Etho says, putting his hands up and nervously backing up. "It's like - you know I don't take this off..."

"Actually, yeah," Impulse says. "I sorta wanna see you try to keep a poker face. Take it off, Etho."

"Woah, woah boys. I know we're all friends here, but I don't know if I'm ready for a strip tease," Martyn says, which makes Etho turn bright red, and also makes Big B flustered enough that Martyn can see his hand. Okay, that's not a threat. Not that Big B's a threat to anyone, really, but he's still green for a reason.

Skizz isn't a threat for a completely different reason. His heart's right there on his sleeve. He has a shit hand this round. He gave that given that well away the moment he drew it.

That leaves Etho and Impulse to figure out.

"I - oh, geez, guys," Etho says. "I -"

"Take it off!" Skizz starts chanting. "Take it off! Take it off!"

"I'm - I like you guys, but I'm not taking off my mask!" Etho says. "Impulse, Impulse, we're buddies. You should understand!"

"Yeah, but like..." Impulse says, before shrugging. "I mean, if it really upsets you, I guess... Guys, maybe we should stop."

"Naw, don't try to talk him out of it!" Skizz says.

"Haha, you know, I want to see it too," Big B says. "It's a bonding thing, right?"

"Oh, well you can't argue with the bonding thing, now can you," Martyn says.

"Guys," Impulse starts saying, and then there's the sound of a creaking door, and everyone stops at once as the courtyard changes from dreary and wet to a certain chill. If Martyn didn't know any better, he'd say it's the chill of the grave, but there hadn't ever been any for him, so. Probably not.

Instead, it's just...

"My loyal Dogwarts," says Ren, quietly. "What is all of this commotion about?"

"We're playing cards, My Lord," Martyn says immediately. "See?"

He shows his hand to Ren. Ren chuckles.

"Well, laddie. Show me how you win at cards."

Well, the answer to that's 'by cheating'. But he can't really show Ren that, now can he? He's got to keep some things in his pocket. Besides, it's not like any of the favors in the pot matter.

They're all gonna die before they matter. Some of them already are.

Martyn loses the hand to Impulse. He collects the favors with a sheepish grin. Ren barks out a laugh. "You'll get them next time, laddie."

"I'm sure I will," Martyn says.

"Mom, Ren's playing favorites," Etho whines.

"That's - that's unbecoming a knight of -"

"Yeah, Ren's playing favorites," Big B says.

"I mean, dudes, uh, I mean - my loyal Dogwarts -"

Martyn laughs so hard that he forgets to pay attention, and loses the next hand too.

For the prompts;

ZIT or team B.E.S.T. ? :D

Ah, yes, ZIT. Zedaph, Jungle Gym, and Tango.

a kind of continuation of my ‘hermes in his cowboy phase’ post

cause i want jimmy to stop being mean to that kid before i swat him with a newspaper! i will uncle-fy him myself if i have to

there's a bit of a language barrier there I think I just wanted a excuse to use this headcanon, but the dudes! the guys be vibin! did have another three pages planed for this, never got around to it though,,,

transcript and extras below the cut!

Xisuma/Grian: *general arguing about starting conflicts* Xisuma/Grian: *it is actualy about taxes* Cleo:,,, What are those two even arguing about? Zedaph: something about taxes? Maybe???

Cleo: What do you mean maybe? Zed, You always talk about how well you understand Galactic??

Zedaph: Hey! I can Read galactic very well, yes! ,,,spoken is, a different story however,,, Gem: yea, spoken galactic is honestly a struggle to learn,,,

Scar: what's with X trying to egg Grian into starting the                        another war over there Cleo:,,,Scar

Scar: hmm? Cleo: Scar, last week you said you didn't know any galactic.

Scar: oh, no no, I don't, why?

Zedaph/Gem/Cleo:,,, Scar: ,,, OH! Is that what that language is????

and here's the unused part of the script + my thumbnails! if any place deserved this part of the script, it'd be Tumblr <3

I love that everyone's doing lore or on a break and Zedaph and Hypno have just noped off to the corner to have fun on their own worlds

normal team best meeting