I Like Not Taking Credit For Stuff And Just Telling Everyone Someone Really Hot Did It. If They’re

He’s not okay

Why does the duolingo app look like that right now

Couldn’t get this idea out of my head after making the last edit to this sound so now it’s in your heads too!!

Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!

Be the bigger person out of spite.

me putting on a cute outfit: I understand you now, Niko

me spilling cherry juice on my cute outfit: I... truly understand you now, Niko

I’m not🥲

finally caught up with dracula daily

My friends and I used to do this thing where we'd dress up on a theme and go do something totally normal.

We dressed up as pirates and went bowling.

We dressed as vikings and went to the grocery store. The security guard told us we had to move our longship because it was illegally parked.

We dressed as Romans and went to Blockbuster. The staff chanted, "toga! Toga! Toga!" at us.

We dressed up all steampunk and went to the museum. Tourists kept taking our picture.

if i can impart any one piece of wisdom to y’all, it’s to, whenever possible, assume good intentions

assume people are trying their best, want to be good and treat others well, and that when their behavior doesn’t align with those goals, it’s because of outside factors that are pushing them to their limit

it’s hard to do, it doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s worth it

*the best typo in the world

Turns out the potassium nitrate I had as fertilizer for algae to feed my slut isn't fucking a nitrate salt at all and I am pissed

eggs are most delicious when least touched by fire (so poached, sunny side up, etc declining in quality to over easy, hard boiled). this is because fire cleanses the egg of sin (primary source of flavor). this is also why the objectively most delicious egg is soft boiled (hardened purified exterior traps the delicious sin inside the soft gooey interior), and why scrambled eggs are morally ambiguous