One Of The Best Things You Can Do When Cooking For Yourself Is To Always Double The Portions In A Recipe

I spent a lot of time handcuffed and in a cage in high school, for a charity bit the grocery store I worked at would do

the bit was that I was "put in jail for having too big a heart" and customers could donate to my bail to get me out (and the money would go to a children's hospital or something)

now. I was very clearly a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a large cage. and I would honestly tell people that I had been in there for hours. and people would say, that's terrible! that's awful! and I would show them my wrists red from the tight handcuffs, and say but I'm sooooooo close to making bail.

and then they would dump some cash in the basket, I'd thank them, and they'd walk away.

and every so often, one of the managers would come by and collect some of the cash, so I could keep being soooooo close to making bail.

I was very good with this bit. Parents with small kids would pay $5-10 if I told their children I had been placed in jail for not cleaning my room/doing my homework, etc. For people in their 20s, I'd threaten that I was very bad at playing the harmonica, but I WOULD play it and we'd all suffer unless they paid me. and for the most amount of money, older men in suits would almost always pay $20s if I avoided eye contact and stammered a lot.

eventually, the managers started to feel bad because I was in the cage so fucking long and often, that I'd need someone to brace me when I got out because I'd have no feeling in my legs. wobbling like a newborn giraffe.

but I would also rake in at LEAST $100 an hour in charity.

so they were like, hey champ. can we, uh, give you a pillow to sit on. in the cage. would you like a pillow so you're not just sitting on a cold metal slab. can we give you a pillow.

and I had to explain to them that if they gave me a pillow, people would think I was more comfortable, so they wouldn't feel as bad, so I'd bring in less money.

the compromise was that they'd bring me a nice coffee every couple hours, which I would have to try to block with my body from the customers.

all this money went to charity. that's what the money was for. it's what was on the sign. but how much they were willing to pay was very contingent on how comfortable I looked, never mind the fact that I was still a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a cage.

and out of the dozens of shifts I did this on, not ONCE did ANYONE say, hey kid I'm going to go talk to your manager because what the fuck is going on here. they would just drop money in the basket, and I'd thank them and sip from my secret drink.

I actually had people get MAD at me that I told them I was far away from bail, they donated like $15, and then 20 minutes I got let out because my shift ended.

again. the money was for charity. it was on the sign that was very clearly placed on the upper half of my cage.

so yeah. even when people think they mean well. people can be really, really fucking stupid.

having sex with your friends is so very normal please stop poisoning the youths minds with shame surrounding hooking up with your friends. especially if you’re gay

i finally gave a lore comic to my loser gf x girlboss gf OCs!! insta || bluesky || patreon || shop

hey sorry for getting really pissy at you earlier because I could hear you chewing. see I have a condition called [remembers pathologizing my behavior is unhelpful] it's actually because I hate you, specifically,

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

Earlier I was scrolling Reddit and I come across a post in r/shrooms, a sub reddit dedicated to psychadelic mushrooms and frequently featuring entries from users who are posting during a trip.

A guy posts, freaking out, that the delivery person who dropped off his food had a huge snake wrapped around his neck and the snake was talking to him and tripped him out.

He shares a picture ne sneakily took of the delivery driver.

The delivery driver actually does, in fact, have a live 7 or so foot long boa constrictor draped across his shoulders.

Can you fucking image. Being blasted out of your gourd on hallucinogenic substances, getting a random knock at the door and the guy has a live gigantic snake just chilling. Your head would explode

There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.

saying "whoever did this should be stabbed" whenever i dislike anything ever just in case julius caesar happens to be behind it

I got todays cosmerdle in 6!

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥

🟥🟩🟥🟩🟥

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Try and beat me at https://cosmeredle.net/

i think i can be proud of 6

I got todays cosmerdle in 9!

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟩🟥🟩🟥

🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥

🟥🟩🟥🟥🟥

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Try and beat me at https://cosmeredle.net/

This one was a struggle because I didn't know the world they were from- I consulted the coppermind which I feel is kinda cheating

My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it