AU Where Everything Is The Same, Except Din Knows About Star Wars Lore, But He Doesn't Particularly Care

reblog the money pigeon for a financially stable future

Yea so Ody is finally home and he’s with his wife and son. It’s all cool and fun. But hold on. Can you imagine how HORRIFYING Odysseus and his family must be to other Royals now?

Here is a king that fought monsters, witches, slaughtered most of the male Nobles in his kingdom. FOUGHT POSEIDON AND MADE HIM BEG FOR MERCY!

And worst of all, he is crazy smart. So negotiating or trying to make deals with Odysseus must be the most horrifying thing in existence at the time. You can’t threaten him, you can’t negotiate a better position than him, you can only just sit there and smile as you pray you don’t accidentally offend him.

Oh and that’s not all, If Penelope also dislikes you, you’re f***ed. Because Odysseus fought a war for 10 years over an oath. Imagine what he would do if someone tried something with his wife… OH WAIT, we don’t have to. He SLAUGHTERED them! And she might not even need him to.

She is from Sparta and by Odysseus own words JUST AS SMART AS HIM. The main reason she didn’t go out and fight those nobles/kick them out is because of the laws of hospitality (which are enforced by Zeus). But with her god piercer husband, she doesn’t need to be so polite anymore. And she held the kingdom together for 20 years! She knows how to handle business. So yea, don’t mess with her either.

And his kid? He’s a warrior of the mind now! Who has the favor of ATHENA! WHO in a very short time learned how to fight. Going from losing a fist fight, to fighting dozens of men who only overwhelmed him because he got TIRED of kicking their asses! He has ATHENA on his side as his best friend. Dont even try

Point is The Ithaca royal family is a f***ing nightmare to deal with now.

I made a new ship.

Nim Pianna and Arla Fett. Started a fic (You’re Safe) with that pairing on ao3… and I think it’s a completely new tag, I came up with the ship months ago while reading How a Romance Novel Saved the Galaxy by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte), but… yeah. Thoughts?

Johnlock and Pirate Shanties

so "unsinkable" by sail north is either the perfect song for sherlock, or, if you want to get a little meta, the perfect song for johnlock and all the people who support it.

also, also, also, sherlock playing a violin instrumental version of "leave her, johnny, leave her" (also by sail north. i think.) when john brings one of his girlfriends over. please think about it.

thoughts?

troy: warrior of the mind, cyclops: remember them, ocean: keep your friends close, circe: done for, underworld: monster, thunder: different beast, wisdom: legendary, vengeance: dangerous, wisdom: would you fall in love with me again.

you?

Whats your favourite epic song from each saga?

X-Men: Days of Future Past [2014]

fox: your general lets you call him Obi-wan? as in, first name???

cody: yeah

fox: that's such a breach of protocol

bly: aayla is fine with it as well

*collective groan*

fox: bly'ika, you are literally the LAST person who gets to speak here

ponds: you've been kriiffing your general since the first year of the war

fox: fuck, im glad quinlan isn't here. i think he's the ONLY person who doesn't know that yet

ponds:

rex:

cody:

bly:

fox: okay just listen---

pov its the end of the clone wars. anakin skywalker is going into a downhill spiral and obi wan needs caf. everything is about to go to shit and there is nothing anyone can do.

fox exists.

It was a normal day- except it wasn't. Fox was in a mood, and this particular mood was called a hangover. Too much partying- and with half of the 501st, at that- and too many drinks. It's one of those mornings- he's alive, and now everyone has to deal with it.

You see, every day, Fox puts a tally on the wall- a tally for every day he goes without shooting a certain someone between the eyes. Today, he stares at the wall, sighs, and puts on his helmet. He's hung over, hungry for the blood of the bitch, and pissed off. Why not go out with a bang? Everyone else seems to do it.

So Fox makes his way up to the Senate, climbs the hundreds of stairs just to make this all the more satisfying when he gets to the top, and he says his prayers and hopes that the bitch is in his office.

And he walks in to see Chancellor Palpatine in a black cloak and hood. What the fuck is this guy doing, cosplaying? Fox must have caught him doing something important- a holonet cosplay contest, perhaps?- as the Chancellor looks up sharply and tries to go for something. In the frenzy, Fox messily raises his blaster and puts the charge right where he wanted it. Then, he drops the gun and stares at the body of the bitch he had to report to for three years and is about to open the comm link to report that he just assassinated the Chancellor.

Then a whole entourage consisting of Mace Windu and co- plus Anakin fucking Skywalker, a few moments later- runs in, and sees Fox standing at the desk, trifling through very weird and oddly evil-ish papers. Palpatine's body is on the floor.

"Fox," Mace asks, almost calmly but letting some relief and confusion into his voice. "How did you know the Chancellor was a sith?"

Fox pauses, and looks up at Mace. He doesn't take his helmet off, but the expression on his face is almost emotionless as he asks, "He was a what?"

From that day forward, Fox was awarded as the savior of the galaxy. The clone that took down the sith that years and generations of jedi could not. The world goes on. Anakin Skywalker does not fall. Obi-Wan Kenobo becomes a godfather. Ahsoka and her 501st buddies reunite. Everyone doesn't realize that they dodged the largest bullet in history.

All because Fox was done with the Chancellor's shit and decided to give him what he deserved.

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

Clark: It’s not that being around kids makes me uncomfortable, but why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle?