I Do Love The Idea Of The Justice League Finding Out Batman’s Identity And The Fact That He’s Actually

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

More Posts from Elizabethhood and Others

elizabethhood

5 months ago

my prof told me homer actually prolly did this intentionally in order to have a bigger target audience

Prof (Of classics) just told me that we can interpret Achilles and Patroculus any way we want bc the ancient greeks couldn’t even make up their minds “It all depends on who you ask when and where”

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elizabethhood

4 months ago

i may despise galen erso from the bottom of my shriveled maggoty heart but i have to tell you guys how he managed to sneak in the death star weak spot according to the rogue one novelization because it’s hilarious. if you’re expecting some feat of engineering genius so subtle no one noticed it, you are wrong. galen got krennic to sign off on it himself.

he annoyed the fuck out of krennic by cc-ing him in like a million emails to death star r&d.

so i know we’re behind schedule here but we found this structural flaw and wanted to let you guys know about it, says galen.

and r&d is like okay so how do we fix it?

and galen is like well we could start over?

and r&d is like no that’ll take too long.

and galen promises to think about it and writes to them later all hey how about we make some additional investments and get better materials?

and r&d is like no that’s too expensive.

and galen is like weeeell….

and r&d is like well what?

and galen goes well there’s something we can do but you’re not gonna like it.

and r&d is like okay what is it.

and galen is like are you sure you want to hear it?

yes, goes r&d.

like, really really super sure?

yes, goes r&d.

okay so the problem is radiation buildup, says galen. have i mentioned the problem is radiation buildup?

30 emails ago, r&d says.

right, so. says galen. we could build this exhaust port but it’s not going to get rid of all the radiation all the time, so if you’re having some stormtroopers around they might be exposed to it. i can look into some other options to reduce–

at which point krennic, who’s been cc’d in all of this, goes JUST PUT THE FUCKING EXHAUST PORT IN AND GET IT OVER WITH FUCK THOSE STORMTROOPERS ALL THESE EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS

and galen is like okay :)

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elizabethhood

9 months ago

Tell you what I need? I need some more public perspective and outsider POV of the clone wars.

I want fail compilations and highlight reels. Deep dive analysis of certain battles and videos on the Top Ten Things We Still Dont Know About The Jedi.

Give me the girls who hang pictures of Jedi on their wall and play kiss-marry-kill with the seperatists.

Give me the boys of the street swapping homemade trading cards and daring each other to try touch the troopers as they pass.

I want to hear from my Mrs. Anakin Skywalker’s on their religiously run fan page. Who organise weekend trips to coruscant with their online friends to see the Temple in person.

I want Jedi-sonas and unofficial Jedi merch. Different coloured wristbands to signify which is your favourite legion. Fanart and problematic ships.

People camping outside the temple gates waiting to try catch a glimpse of their favourite Jedi.

Zealous fans sneaking into the temple by stowing away on service craft and vlogging it for their ThySpace channel.

Why can’t I see the conspiracy theories with hour long rants shot on a portrait datapad camera, proving that the Jedi are all actors and the force just special effects.

Where are my stylised Jedi robes worn by high-end fashion events. The holonet trends and challenges.

Where are my doomsday protesters who the Jedi are devil worshipers, and then the cult that think they are gods.

Late night talk show hosts giving professional sounding and wildly misinformed opinions on a war they aren’t qualified to give opinions on.

The woman who swears she is secretly married to a Jedi appearing on space Dr. Phil.

Kids watching shaking camera footage of battles in the back of a class room and fighting each other with lightsaber sticks in the yard.

Where are my clone look-a-like contest and stolen armour used to try sneak onto ships.

I want long lost family members who gave up their kid to the Jedi suddenly appearing on talk shows for their five minutes of fame.

I want the public grieving when a favourite general dies, and the memorials in the streets. The worry when a Jedi hasn’t been spotted in a while.

Daredevils with broken arms from where they try to replicate famous moves pulled by Jedi. The press release from the temple when one dies in the process.

Hushed tales told by grizzled men in smokey bars, whiskey shots pushed into shakey hands as they recount the time they saw Skywalker in person, a supernova behind his eyes and blood staining his bared teeth.

I want the fear, the awe, the obsession and the outrage.

GIMME. PUBLIC. OUTSIDER. POV.

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elizabethhood

1 year ago

Please. Please work.

Update: IT WORKED!!! Got an amazing score on my standardized test, as in 99th percentile amazing, thank you bagel. Thank you

Second update: and got into one of the colleges I’m applying to 48 hours after applying??? Thank you bagel!!!

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elizabethhood

3 months ago

oh mood

see the THING IS I don't feel like I ever worked hard enough to have "earned" the burnout, which is. probably how we got here.

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elizabethhood

10 months ago

Arla Fett is rescued from a Death Watch transport by a tiny Padawan Kenobi and adopts him on the spot, unilaterally deciding that she will be accompanying her boi on all missions in order to loom ominously behind him during negotiations and eliminate any perceived threats to his safety (and happiness) with prejudice

she ignores Qui-Gon Jinn's existence entirely

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elizabethhood

4 months ago

dreamin' of all these monsters that I'll never get to fight

SING LEGENDARY FROM EPIC W/ ME! SING IN TH REBLOGS!!

It's just me, myself and I....

I made a new ship.

Nim Pianna and Arla Fett. Started a fic (You’re Safe) with that pairing on ao3… and I think it’s a completely new tag, I came up with the ship months ago while reading How a Romance Novel Saved the Galaxy by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte), but… yeah. Thoughts?