Reblog The Money Pigeon For A Financially Stable Future

the holy grail types of fanfic

the pure unadulterated loyalty Batman inspires in the Justice League is proof that you can be a total asshole to your coworkers AS LONG AS you come through on the deliverables every single time.

everyone has a mean coworker they hate, but it’s so much harder to hate the guy when he’s building spaceships, leading hyper efficient team meetings, and saving your ass from an impossible situation for the third time that week.

Batman is your mean coworker who is so good at his job, people love him anyway.

finally, someone for tumblr

Batfam incorrect quotes because I like to:

—

Bruce: Alfred, what do I do?

Damian: This is an issue...

De aged Dick: I told you I didn't want little siblings! D:<

De aged Jason, crying under a table with a batarang: I DON'T WANNA BE KIDNAPPED!

De aged Tim, staring at Bruce with big, wide eyes: :o

De aged Stephanie, tackling Dick:

—

Bruce: Alright, until Zatanna can get here, you're gonna need to be on your best behavior.

Stephanie: I want my Mom!

Stephanie, kicking Bruce's shins:

Bruce: I am so glad you're not my kid.

Dick, staring at a Nintento game card: Why's the game cartridge so small!?

Bruce: Oh, yeah, I forgot you grew up in the 90's... Um...

Tim, trying to eat said game card:

Bruce: Timothy Jackson Drake, no!

Tim, dropping it quickly and posing like a startled Red Panda: :o

Alfred, holding Jason by the scruff: Sir, master Jason attempted escape again.

Jason: I'm telling my Dad on you! He'll beat you up! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU! JUST YA WAIT, THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU FOREVER!

Bruce: Hrn, maybe I should've talked to Jason more about his birth parents when I got him...

Alfred: No Father is perfect, sir.

Stephanie: MY MOM SAYS EAT THE RICH!

Stephanie, taking a bite out of Bruce's hand:

—

Bruce: Look, I turned on a movie!

Dick: . . . Why is THE LION KING IN REAL LIFE!?

Bruce: It's live action—

Dick: KILL IT!

Tim, lifting a camera up slowly and snapping a picture of Bruce from a corner:

Bruce: !? Tim?! Where'd you get a camera!?

Tim, dropping to all fours and quietly crawling along the shadows to leave the room:

Bruce: . . . What?

Damian: Father, permission to be a tad bit suspicious of Tim's humanity?

Bruce: He didn't have any when I met him, now I think he might not be human.

—

Jason: I'M IN A BATMOBILE AND YOU'RE NOT!

Bruce, trying to open the door frantically: Jason Peter Todd get out of that car right this instance!

Jason: TAKE ME HOME!

Bruce: Jason, please, I'm not trying to kidnap you.

Jason: I WANT MY MOM!

Tim, popping up from the back seats to climb into the passenger seat and snap a photo of Bruce, desperately struggling to get inside the bat mobile:

Jason: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, shrugging:

Jason: . . . YOU'RE WEIRD!

Dick, running around in Stephanie's Robin uniform: BATMAN, NANANANANANANA!!!

Stephanie, squealing as she swings Tim's bō staff around:

Damian, chasing after them both: ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU! YOU ARE ACTING CHILDISH!

Jason, crying: I want my Mooooom.

Tim, turning on the radio, gasping when it works: :o

—

Dick, glaring at a laptop: That's not normal. Why'd you flatten the computer?! WHAT IS THAT THING ON IT!?

Bruce: It's a laptop, and that's internet, and I'm trying to contact Lucius to inform him neither Tim or I will be there for work today.

Damian: Must I go to school? This seems like a family emergency.

Dick: I don't wanna go to school either!

Tim, dropping from an air vent onto the floor, landing face first like a limp rag doll:

Bruce: OH MY GOD!?

Tim, coughing once before picking himself up and snapping a picture of Bruce:

Bruce: . . . I need to get Tim tested.

Damian: For?

Bruce, watching as Tim waddles away: Everything.

—

Stephanie: This place is to big, my Dad would never let me stay at a place this fancy.

Jason: We're being human trafficked!

Stephanie: I dunno, that guy hasn't tried anything.

Jason: Them why do you keep bitin' and kickin' 'im?

Stephanie: I just like to.

Tim:

Jason: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, lifting up a blank, thick, white binder, flipping it open to reveal page after page of pictures of both Bruce and Batman, as well as Dick and Robin:

Stephanie: What's that?

Tim: Batman.

Jason: YOU CAN SPEAK!?

Tim: . . . Wanna hear me talk about Batman?

Stephanie:

Jason:

Both: Sure.

Tim, big gasp: :O

—

Dick, swinging from a chandelier, singing: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Bruce, sipping from a mug of coffee: I'm glad I got those reinforced...

Tim, taking a picture:

Bruce: . . . Are you hungry?

Tim:

Bruce: You... You haven't eaten.

Tim:

Bruce: . . . Alfred, can you contact Cass? She might be able to communicate with Tim.

Alfred: Right away, sir.

—

Cass: Hi, Tim.

Tim:

Cass: What am I meant to do?

Bruce: Communicate with him..?

Cass: . . . How?

Bruce: You know body language better than I do.

Cass: He seems neutral.

Bruce: I don't think his facial expression has changed once.

Cass: What?

Bruce: Unless blinking counts.

Tim, looking at Bruce: I know what you are.

Tim, waddling off:

Cass: Why was he scarier as a child?

Bruce: The only one who wasn't terrifying as a child was Tim.

Jason, running through the halls with a bucket on his head, right into a wall: Oof!

Bruce: . . . And Jason.

—

Stephanie: You're pretty.

Cassandra: Thank you.

Stephanie: Why is there so many boys here?

Cassandra: Men usually have a harder time dealing with complex emotions and so are more likely to turn to violence to cope, hence why Bruce became Batman. As for Tim, Dick, and Jason? They ended up with Bruce and inherited his... Coping mechanisms.

Stephanie: . . . What?

Cassandra: . . . Want to go hang out at our girls only club?

Stephanie: YES!

—

Babs: Permission to ask?

Cass, braiding Stephanie's hair: No.

Stephanie, eating a king sized Hershey bar, looking like Kirby as she opens her mouth to consume it whole:

—

Bruce: Alright, I had to bribe Alfred with a months vacation, but...

Bruce, putting down two big bags of McDonald's:

Dick: MCDONALD'S!!!!

Tim, snapping a picture:

Jason: Is it drugged?

Bruce: No more than Gotham's food usually is. I got you a Wonder Woman toy.

Dick: I WANT SUPERMAN! :D

Bruce: You got Superman.

Jason: Hm . . . Bribe accepted, but only because if you try to hurt me I'm gonna tell the cops your Batman and get you arrested for forever.

Bruce, knowing damn well Jason hates the police and ain't no snitch: That's fine.

Jason, digging into a bag instantly:

Tim:

Bruce: Uh...

Bruce, slowly lifting a French fry between two fingers:

Tim, eating it from Bruce's fingers before waddling away:

Bruce: . . .

Dick: Wait, isn't that our neighbor?

Jason, lifting his toy in the air: WONDER WOMAN!!!

Dick: Wanna make her fight my Superman!?

Jason: HELL YEAH!

—

Bruce: Alright, Zatanna will be here in an hour. Thank god.

Dick: Is she gonna make us grown ups again?

Bruce: Yes.

Dick: YAY! NO MORE SCHOOL!

Jason: But I like school! Can I still go to school as a grown up?

Bruce: Uh... Of course, Jay, lad.

Jason: YES! EDUCATION! I can't wait to graduate again! :D

Bruce: uhhhh...

Tim: I ate the game card.

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce:

—

BONUS:

*Tim and Bernard, sitting in a hospital room*

Bernard: How'd you get a Stardew Valley Nintendo switch game stuck in your large intestine?

—

So I’m catching up on Batman lore and comics.

I NEED A FANFIC WHERE SOMEONE SITS DOWN AND TELLS JASON THAT BATMAN TRIED TO KILL THE JOKER, ALMOST STARTED A WAR, AND WAS STOPPED BY SUPERMAN.

It drives me insane that the only reason Joker is not in a lead box at the bottom of Gotham Harbor is he somehow magically became the Iranian ambassador (how?!) and the UN hired Superman to stop Batman from causing WW3.

AND NO ONE TELLS JASON!

Oh! I hear you cry, But he saved Joker’s life after Dick beat him to death! Jason deserves to be angry.

OH BULLSHIT!

Dick wasn’t trying to avenging Jason! He almost kills Joker by mistake in a moment of grief and Joker egging him on! Dick literally mourns after he realizes what he’s done, claiming by killing the Joker “Joker won.”

So why would Batman save the Joker? I’ll tell you why. Batman didn’t save the Joker for Joker! Batman saved the Joker to save Dick!

Dick is acting on revenge for the near death of Tim and despite it being Killer Croc who had captured and presumably killed Tim, Dick blames the Joker and goes on a poorly thought out vengeance quest that haunts him even when it doesn’t work. He’s spiraling the minute Tim points out Joker is dead. You really think Bruce couldn’t see the writing on the wall that actually killing someone would destroy Dick and try to minimize the guilt Dick would feel by not letting the Joker die.

His second son is dead. The third was just thought to be dead. Batman isn’t going to sit back and let his oldest kill himself!

(Now you could argue all that I’m saying is fandom rationalizations of weird character choices made by multiple writers over at DC (Disregard Canon). Batman does let Dick walk away in shame after reviving Joker. But if I chose to forget that Bruce PUNCHES Dick after Dick rightfully demands to know why Bruce didn’t try to tell him his brother died before the funeral, I can damn well recontextualize a stupid panel and scrape together a consistent character profile based on the versions of Batman that I like! Fuck you!)

So yes! SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL JASON WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AFTER HE DIED SO HE CAN MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION FOR ONCE!

I feel like I deserve either a medal or a smack upside the head.

I just wrote a essay in half an hour, without having prepped any notes or made any outlines or drafts, and having slept a single-digit number of hours with the past 72. An essay where we were given two paragraphs of source material in another language to base our analysis off of. I just wore an essay, and a vaguely-intelligent sounding one at that, on the educational methods of the Druids at the time of the Gallic wars and Caesar’s interpretations thereof.

codywan song

Was listening to ‘Brave Enough’ by Lindsey Stirling while planning the second chapter for my fic Children of War and thinking of Cody and Obi-Wan, post Order 66, with flashbacks to the Clone Wars. I’m sad now.

i may despise galen erso from the bottom of my shriveled maggoty heart but i have to tell you guys how he managed to sneak in the death star weak spot according to the rogue one novelization because it’s hilarious. if you’re expecting some feat of engineering genius so subtle no one noticed it, you are wrong. galen got krennic to sign off on it himself.

he annoyed the fuck out of krennic by cc-ing him in like a million emails to death star r&d. 

so i know we’re behind schedule here but we found this structural flaw and wanted to let you guys know about it, says galen.

and r&d is like okay so how do we fix it? 

and galen is like well we could start over? 

and r&d is like no that’ll take too long. 

and galen promises to think about it and writes to them later all hey how about we make some additional investments and get better materials?

and r&d is like no that’s too expensive. 

and galen is like weeeell…. 

and r&d is like well what?

and galen goes well there’s something we can do but you’re not gonna like it.

and r&d is like okay what is it. 

and galen is like are you sure you want to hear it?

yes, goes r&d. 

like, really really super sure? 

yes, goes r&d.

okay so the problem is radiation buildup, says galen. have i mentioned the problem is radiation buildup?

30 emails ago, r&d says.

right, so. says galen. we could build this exhaust port but it’s not going to get rid of all the radiation all the time, so if you’re having some stormtroopers around they might be exposed to it. i can look into some other options to reduce–

at which point krennic, who’s been cc’d in all of this, goes JUST PUT THE FUCKING EXHAUST PORT IN AND GET IT OVER WITH FUCK THOSE STORMTROOPERS ALL THESE EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS

and galen is like okay :)