The Vibes Of My Anxiety, Hesitancy And Apathy Are Slowly Being Converted Into Just Straight "who Gives

HE KEEPS DOING IT. I can't screenshot cause laptop is trash. I'm on the verge of tears each time it happens because he does it just outside my peripherals. Was playing till like 1 am last night trying so hard to be quiet.

So I'm playing new vegas for the first time (technically second) but I'm in freeside doing the door guard for the van graffs and I turn to look at simon...only to see Arcade making direct eye contact with Simon staring him down.

Pros of having a brain that makes very fast associations: Good comebacks and jokes.

Cons of having a brain that makes very fast associations: that story about how you broke your foot reminded me of a fun fact about lizards.

The fact I've felt deeply alone as a trans man who acts "oddly" is hard to deal with. I'm just another dude, but suddenly I'm not queer enough because my hair isn't dyed! But I'm suddenly to feminine because I paint my nails. It's like I don't fit in anywhere in the queer community!!! Every queer space I've ever been in has always excluded me as a transman because I'm not enough to them! It's beyond frustrating to have to explain my every breath to people, especially other queer people who should understand!!!! I've recently been trying to come to terms that I may be bisexual and so many people have been telling me as a transman I either have to be straight or gay, that suddenly me being trans means I can't be queer in another way. It's depressing. I shouldn't have to even label myself if I don't want to! But I'm not enough of a man to others apparently!??! Even when I enter queer spaces I'm excluded and often ignored because I'm the only transman around for miles!!!!!

trans men & mascs are constantly in a damned if you, damned if you don't state of being when it comes to finding community with other queer folk. if we dress "too masculine" and pass for cis men, we are too threatening, we "scare" the women and (feminine) nonbinary folks. if we are "too feminine" and have long hair, wear makeup, have ""feminine"" hobbies, dress in feminine clothing, etc. we are constantly harassed for not being "Real men" and people literally proudly misgender us.

there's no way to win if people keep shifting the goalposts on purpose so they don't have to accept that trans men exist and are just as varied and complex as anyone else when it comes to identity and presentation.

rewatching captain america brave new world for the first time since theaters and every few scenes i just have to stop and be like “this. this is a good movie whether people want to admit it or not.”

When you tell people you have DID and they instantly say "like that Split movie." Im going fucking explode dude its nothing like that.

I need you all to see what my deranged doodles of mirage consist of every time i just try to sketch him. it always devolves into a pure chaos.

There’s something I can’t quite put my finger on about the fact that nearly every transmasculine person I have known of is some kind of artist, writer, cinephile, visionary, or storyteller of some variety, often doing that work for free, and the separate but related fact that we are the least explicitly represented or acknowledged gender in any form of media. Something about how seeing a trans man on a screen feels illegal, and is still taboo even when people pretend it isn’t because even the discussion of existence of the taboo would cause our being to spread like a virus, and that can’t possibly be allowed. It’s a feeling like you have watched the curtain peeled back on creation. We have always been here, telling our stories, and you can see glimpses of us in everything, but our explicit acknowledgement is terrifying to everyone who isn’t us and has a vested interest in maintaining their position above us in the social order even while the thought of us can never cross their mind. When people say that no one is scared of trans men it makes me want to laugh. We are so unfathomable to everyone indoctrinated into the cissexist binary that we cannot even be spoken of except as echoes and ghosts of our true selves, never to be fully brought into the light, just madmen weaving our tales in the shadows only for those who listen.

“you're on T to look like yourself

i'm on T to look like myself

take my hand

we will walk into darkness together, and there we will find ourselves

the light shining from within us will illuminate our path

i love you, brother”

i love you, brother

YES the Thunderbolts have a fantastic team as family dynamic, yes they are living in Avengers tower, yes history is repeating itself and 2012 tower fics are so back. BUT!

instead of "Alexei eating poptarts" or "Yelena in the vents", we must come up with new headcanons and make history

Bob always does normal domestic chores, often getting in the way of important missions and spy business. "All I'm saying is Bucky is our best sniper" "It would be a much quieter assassination if I just slipped into the condo and cut his—" "Hey sorry guys, anyone have laundry? I'm doing a load"

Yelena and her guinea pig always eat meals together at the dining table. Everyone has their Chinese food or barbeque, meanwhile the rodent is loudly munching on a salad right beside them

Bucky is the mom and always keeps them on track. "Ava you have a dentist appointment in the morning, and bring Bob so they can add him to the insurance. Lena how was therapy? Alexei, I said no vodka until dinner"

Alexei is always coming up with new promotional ideas for the team. Cartoon tv show, cereal, toothpaste flavour...every day he thinks he's come up with the next big thing. Whenever they actually get put into production (Wheaties) he collects and saves it, and won't let anyone use a different product. (He threw out Yelena's frosted flakes and it took both Bucky and John to get her to stop attacking him)

Ava likes to phase and sneak attack her teammates at random. She claims it's for training but really she just thinks it's funny hearing them scream

John gets blamed for everything, even if it isn't his fault. Especially if it isn't his fault: "who ate the last bagel?" "John." "Where's my hair straightener?" "John had it." "Whose turn is it to unload the dishwasher?" "Johnnnn"