Dark Red Flowers: Minhyuk (MONSTA X)

2-6

2: what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Probably anything I wrote in my awkward era aka cringey af fics from middle school *is disgusted*6:  something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowIt's probably the characters. Since I use Kpop idols names, for example I thought earlier of changing L.I.E's main character from Hanbin of iKON to Seyong of Myname bc I thought for a second that the role would suit him more, but then I said to myself that the story is like halfway through and I can't change such a thing now.Thanks for asking ! Have a great day

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #7

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6

Leaving the rooftop, Hanbin lead the way downstairs. "Yah Hanbin" I stopped at my tracks. My body froze just before turning to descend the left stairs as I heard a female voice calling. "oh, Mirae" I heard Hanbin say, I could distinguish the surprise in his voice, he was smiling awkwardly,  I could guess "Where were you? What were you doing there?" The girl asked and I bit my lip and as my heart hammered inside my chest *please don't say anything stupid please don't say anything stupid* I repeated over and over in my head as I waited for the boy to utter a word for what seemed to be two eternities. What if he tells her? Ill be doomed. Goddamn doomed. "Just walking around, turned out it's locked up there" Hanbin casually answered and I mentaly sighed in relief, I had a hast urge to go up and hug him for being smart once in his life. "What are you doing here, go to class, hurry" I heard Hanbin say "Seems like you're ditching too so really" Mirae said through pouty lips "No my baby needs to study hard" the boy cooed and I rolled my eyes Eventually, Hanbin managed to shoo his girlfriend away without her finding out I was there. He cane back to the staircase after walking her half way to her classroom to find me leaning on the wall, arms crossed "You guys are quite disgusting" I said and heard him chuckle. Yes, I finally had the chance to say this. And no, I didn't regret that. "Girls love sweet talking" he replied as a matter of fact and I gave him a look. It hasn't been a long time since we started talking but I think he got the message that I wasn't too into that. "You're special okay" Hanbin added as he ascended the stairs till he was on the same one as me "You're still sweet talking" I replied in a tone, not annoyed, but way too done with this boy and his tongue. "Hey, you haven't eaten a thing" Hanbin said again and almost put a hand over my shoulder as we descended the stairs to the main hall. I couldn't believe this. This was just so wrong. Way too wrong. I was actually talking to Hanbin, I was almost getting close to him; my crush. Now this can't be true. And as much as I knew how unlucky I was, I was enjoying that although it won't probably last for long. "Are you even listening" I snapped out of my thoughts and found myself walking out the gates of school with Hanbin on my right side. I was looking more human by the time. "Huh?" Was all I could utter as I tried to process what was happening "I said let's go get something at the café nearby" hanbin repeated so casually that it didn't even sound wrong to my ear at all. "Uhh yeah, let's" I replied, trying to sound neutral as I we walked side to side further from school. So I'm technically having a date with Hanbin. Holy shit. Great now slap me for having that thought. the road to the coffee shop was rather short. We soon arrived and were seated on a table in the far inside of the shop. "I'll go get two hot chocolates" Hanbin said after putting his almost empty backpack down and headed to the counter, not even bothering to ask me what would I like to have, or even if hot chocolate was fine. What a gentleman. Hanbin soon came back with two large mugs, placed one next to me and took a seat as he put down his. he leaned back and gave me a look "Why do you look unamused" he asked, not really demanding "Haven't I always looked unamused" I answered as a matter of fact "do you really feel so" he paused then insisted again "Try and guess-" I replied after taking a sip of my drink "You get on my nerves" Hanbin chuckled and looked away in disbelief "Good" I commented with a smirk "Look who's finally in a good mood" he mirrored my smirk Ouch. That was a good comeback. He caught me off guard. "Not me" I chuckled "Yeah of course" Hanbin replied, amused and we both smiled as we locked eyes we left the coffee shop after and resumed walking, it wasn't really the perfect day to but well. Hanbin then stopped at a small hill by the riverbank and we both comfortably sat down; him laying even. It was a really beautiful place to relax. I stared at the peaceful water glowing under the still strong rays of the sun, as I felt Hanbin playing with strands o coaly black hair. maybe the fact that Hanbin came wasn't bad after all. "So.. back in the rooftop, would you like to tell me what made you sad now?" okay. I take that back. Frowning I sighed "did you have to ruin the mood now" "I'm just concerned" "I told you you didn't have to" "I just want to help goddamn it!" Hanbin finally snapped almost loudly and I looked at him. He sat up and look at me intensely ".... is that possible" he added and I sighed, resting my forehead on my knees, elbows supporting my head "I don't know... I just... I just don't know" And the next thing I knew is that I was crying. Again.

#8

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #1

He sat at the back of the class, earphones plugged and not a single shit given about the world. I didn’t really mind. I sat on the first table by the door and was class president. I had a bad habit of leaning my back on the wall not my chair so I technically had a perfect view of him; if only he wasn’t sleeping with his blazer over him the whole time or not even attending class. He was a bit taller than me, as I was a somehow tall girl myself, oh well I didn’t really mind this too, why am I even mentioning that. Many girls were probably envying my perfect spot and would pay me to take that desk. Lets face it though, he had a girlfriend, I mean come on, he looked like it. But he also looked like a player, I mean let me reformulate that; he knew he was good looking, and the fact that he thought every girl would be fawning at him with a glance annoyed the shit out of me, because he keeps staring holes into me, probably expecting me to care, but I didn’t, hell why would I, I don’t boys that’s a first, second I’d rather die in a dirty hole than be interested in him, yet he didn’t like it, he wanted me falling for him and I knew it, his arrogant self wouldn’t let him sit and watch how Kim Hajin ignores his existence while the rest of girls were all over him. Kim Hanbin just didn’t know how different I was.

I’m usually lonely on lunch time, well let’s face it, I’ve always been alone in everything, funny isn’t it? I didn’t really mind. And I slowly grew comfortable to the silence. It was my best friend, and I almost hated when someone interrupted that, probably one of my classmates “kindly” offering the quiet shy girl company, giving a famous “why are you sitting alone?”. It was because I enjoyed being alone the most, I enjoyed silence’s company the most. Silence was nice. You could always talk to silence. Yet it would never judge you. Music was nice too, I liked music. Ballady hip hop. Yes I didn’t look like it. I looked more like someone who’d listen to Barbie songs honestly. but well they say what you show is not always what you hide. People thought I was quiet because I disliked them, was complexed or just because I only minded my studies, I don’t blame them though. I actually disliked them all anyways. no one was worthy as a friend. But come on let’s be honest; I don’t even see the use of having a friend, I mean I can manage alone. I’m pretty fine alone. I am totally in no need of fake human beings by my side that act nice in front of me. And I’m also in no need of calling them my friends just because I saw them five days a week. I was growing annoyed of the fuss in the classroom. I was the type to pack a few snacks and have them for lunch in the classroom while others ate in the canteen. That place was way too crowded and noisy for me. However today was different, we had a math test this afternoon and so, many of my classmates stayed in class to “study”; Our teacher was strict as a clock. And no matter how much I tried ignored the girl that sat behind me calling my name around ten times now, she wouldn’t shut up and I was ready to shove a knife into her eyes, too bad I didn’t have one. Sorry not sorry for being sadistic. But that girl annoyed me; not like everyone didn’t. She was new, and probably didn’t know me well. Although they found it weird, my classmates grew used to me being in my own world, and never really bothered to talk to me between periods or when I’m having my earphones on, hell they wouldnt even dare, but I see she didn’t get it yet, well I hope she does before I get jailed because of her. Having enough I quietly got up and placed my backpack on my chair before pushing it under my desk; no one dared to touch my stuff so I didn’t really mind leaving it there. “Hajin are you okay? You actually got up!!” One of my classmates exclaimed, as if she just realized I actually had legs. Well I was known for not leaving my desk since I come in the morning unless a teacher told me to do something. I saw no need in wasting my energy, my classmates got up between every period, roaming around or peeking from the door to check if the teacher came. I gave her a small smile before secretly scowling at Hanbin and his girlfriend at the back of the classroom, hands intertwined and mirrored cheesy smiles. They were the definition of disgusting, oh well, not like he didn’t intertwine hands or initiated skinship with other girls. I wonder how his girlfriend is okay with that, or if she does even know. On the other hand I was kind of surprised how my classmates easily bought my fake smiles. I mean wasn’t my cold attitude obvious enough? Poor kids, thought I was the pink angel. I headed out of class, no where to go in precise. I just needed somewhere quiet, which was hard to find by the moment because you’d probably find a couple by each classroom. Ew. I looked once more at those stairs and halted my steps. Should I go? They lead to the rooftop, I had no idea how it looked like but I was hella sure it’d be quiet up there and that it’s going to be nice. Thinking twice I resumed walking. I was a coward, who am I kidding? I never took risks because I was a coward, I always followed the rules because I was a coward, I never talked to my classmates because I was a coward. I was afraid of rejection, afraid of people, of their judging, their deadly stares and terrifying whispers. I let my insecurities overcome my likes. I was a weak person, I knew it, yet I did nothing about it. I let my weakness control me, I let people’s opinions manipulate my life. Kind, nice, shy, studious; that’s what they thought I was; no. Thats what they wanted me to be. Mute, insecure, antisocial; that’s what I saw myself as, after trying to match their expectations. It wasn’t that people didn’t dare to talk to me when I’m with my earphones on. It wasn’t that they didn’t dare to touch my belongings just because they were mine. It was that they didn’t care, I wasn’t important, I was nothing, and I knew it. I was afraid of Hanbin too. I wanted to impress Hanbin and I knew it. I liked him. Yet I kept fooling myself that I didn’t, that I was cool enough to not care about any boy, that I was just different and he wasn’t my style, that I really didn’t want him to be interested in me and get close to me like my other classmates. Hanbin didn’t want me to fall for him, he didn’t even care about my existence. I was jealous of them and I knew it. Why are those girls close to him and I’m not? Why does he initiate the talk with them but never talks to me unless I was the only one in class and he needed to ask about a teacher? I really liked Kim Hanbin and I more than knew it. Yet the weak person I am told me to shut up and deal with it. I knew I had a chance of getting of close to him, what was easier than starting a conversation with Hanbin? Maths? Physics? Building a jackpot? Well everything was easier for me than that. I was going to finish my last year in high school crushing on Hanbin without anyone knowing but silence, yet guess what? I knew it.

#2 

Expect: Hansol Vernon Chwe (Seventeen)

Strongly inspired by the lyrics of ‘Expect/기대’ Hansol drabble, this had been chilling in my notes for enough time so i thought I’d post it before they actually make another comeback orz

“and you know soonyoung hyung won’t shut up about how we won first place because of his choreography. I mean yeah he did a great job but sometimes he just becomes such a narcissist” It was about eleven in the night when the couple finally got to meet again after ages. They just enjoyed late night walks where the only thing they heard was one another. Dating an idol wasn’t all that great actually, Hansol barely had time to sleep let alone going on dates. But whenever he met Hajin, he made sure to tell her about every little thing that happened to him, and she was more than glad to listen to him talking even about the weirdest things ever, especially when he comes back from international promotions, goodness he had millions of stories to tell her, and that was the case that night However this time was different, Hajin seemed to be quieter than usual, and instead of laughing and interacting with the stories he told excitedly like a little kid, giving him her fulla attention, she just chuckled or muttered an “oh really?” , head deep in thoughts. She had too much going on her mind that she zoned out often, letting the boy blabber by himself “Are you listening to me” Hansol said after noticing the girl sitting next to him had been quiet for a while, only to see her head ducked down and her eyes that were glued to the ground started twinkling under the least amount of light there “what is it, Who made you cry, Who was bad to you?” the girl bit her lips as she failed suppressing the tears in her eyes. Clutching the edges of her skirt, she felt stupid for crying in front of him. Oh well, it was too late anyway. “Lean on me” was all Vernon said in a quiet voice. He knew there was nothing that would make her feel better than knowing he was there for her Without a second thought Hajin closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, letting her sobs finally be audible. the girl soon buried her face deep on his chest, circling her arms around his left one by her side as she cried like a whiny five year old “H-han.. sol-ah.. ” she uttered between her sobs and the boy was taken aback because she never really called him Hansol. It was always Vernon, Vern or some other weird nickname she had for him. They hardly even spoke in Korean since both of them knew English very well. and her calling him Hansol meant something was really wrong. “I missed you so much you’ve been far away for so long … I th-thought you’d never come back to me even if you come back to Korea… I thought I’d– loose you.. Y-you’re always surrounded with pretty girls, they are way better– than me and I feel like I’m a b-burden to you, I don’t deserve you Hansol-ah a-and I can’t help but think of you.. l-leaving me for a prettier girl” Hajin fought her loud sobs to form these words and honestly this was what filled her head this whole time he was away. she never thought she was good enough for Hansol. Let’s be real, he was handsome and talented, those were just the two first things you could notice about him let alone getting to know him more. He was the sweetest guy alive and she was grateful yet burdened by the fact. Hajin was nothing more than regular student. She loved cute and cats. But that was it. She was trash compared to the idols he saw everyday and would totally accept if he dumped her for one. but Hansol really didn’t care. In fact he found it rather disgusting how all of the girls around him walked around with tons of obvious make up on their faces. Like thanks but he would totally pass. He just loved how the simplest amount of make up his girlfriend put made her stand out for him way more than the others. He just loved to see her fresh skin through the almost invisible layer of foundation on her face. And he more than loved how casually she dressed whenever they met and how much of a weird clumsy head she was. “Am I in your heart?” He asked, waiting for an obvious answer, which was Hajin nodding her head against his chest “Am I really in your heart?” He asked again, and the girl nodded again, uttering a quiet “umm” “That technically means wherever you go I’ll be there, even when I’m busy with promotions or outside the country there will always be a little me in your heart. Just imagine a mini Vernon inside, chilling there, sending you hearts, telling you he loves you” he said and heard her chuckle at the thought although she was still quietly sobbing “I know that it’s so hard dating me, I feel sorry the whole time. we don’t get to meet often like a normal couple would do and… I’m just sorry you have to deal with all of this And me being an idol or whatever doesn’t mean I would get attracted to some girl group member just because they dress them well and doll them up, I really don’t care about all of that. I have you and I like you just the way you are. So don’t worry about a thing. Because I’m yours and yours only, after all you’re my clumsy head, so stop bothering yourself with things that will never happen” Hansol finished, gently stroking the girl’s hair. He just hoped she took his words to heart because she was the most precious person for him and he wanted her to know that well. Peeking at her face Hansol saw that his girlfriend was already asleep in his arms, probably too tired of crying. He chuckled and stared more at her peaceful sleeping face before carrying her back home, Planning to call his manager and ask him to spend the night at her place..

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #3

#1 #2

“So this is where you vanish to lately” it was Hanbin. He had ascended the rooftop few minutes after I reached there. I had started spending more time here since me and Byungjoo came for the first time, I started liking this place so much, whether it was with or without Byungjoo’s company, I never failed to have lunch here everyday. But this wasn’t it, Hanbin was up here today, and he seemed quite interested in the fact of finally finding out where I’ve been going to. I let out a chuckle and gazed back at the typical gloomy cloudy sky of autumn. “What makes you care” I muttered, but he seemed to have a wide hearing range since he soon replied “Curiosity took the best of me” he simply stated, casually leaning on the a/c unit’s shade I always sat on, hands deep in his pockets. It was the same way Byungjoo sat but I especially found it attractive when Hanbin did it. Almost perfect. Yet so many questions lingered inside my head at that moment Why was he here? Why did he wonder where did I go? Why is he suddenly being comfortable around me? Why- Snap out of it Hajin, he already said it, curiosity took the best of him, don’t wander too far silly. “Shouldn’t you be having lunch now” I asked, not really waiting for a specific answer, I never did “Is this a dismiss” he chuckled “Take it however you want” I replied, never really making eye contact I turned to him, noticing he was staring at me for more than five seconds now “What?” I asked as he had an impressed look on. He let out a short laugh “Hey, are you really Kim Hajin?!” He bewilderedly questioned and I looked down at my uniform “Atleast that’s what my name tag says” I sarcastically answered “You’re actually acerbatic” he said, sounding fascinated by the discover. I almost slapped myself. Almost. But I mentally did though. This was Hanbin. My crush. And the guy I’ve always wanted to talk to. This wasn’t Byungjoo. My best friend. The guy that I can be opened to. What am I doing? Basically wasting my chance with him. Impressive. I didn’t know how it worked, maybe I felt weirdly way too comfortable with him that I could easily show him my real side. Maybe I was just so confused on how to attract him that I fucked it up being sarcastic. Maybe I thought being bitter would make him interested in me. Either ways Hanbin was probably judging me hard right now yet I didn’t care at all for unknown reasons. “Took you long enough to figure out” I murmured “Why do you put on that mask then” I didn’t answer. In fact, I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what to say. Hanbin asked such a question my brain stopped functioning. What was the use of this fake behavior. A part of me knew, but another didn’t. “It just… worked out like this. I became the Kim Hajin everyone knew, and burried the real me away” “Why” “You don’t ask why Hanbin. Everyone had issues in their lives that led them to certain decisions” He paused. “..Are you happy like this” I stayed silent. Kim Hanbin had the ability of making my mind a total mess in a span of a nanosecond. I never hesitated answering any question. Never. Yet look at me now, all pathetic for one. “As long as I’m following the standards, I am” The bell rang. And be honest I was more than glad to go and study Physics, mark this as a historical event please. I won’t deny that I’ve always wanted to talk with Hanbin at least for a short while, but now I’m desperate to escape. Hanbin asked precise questions. As if he knew everything. As if he could see through me. And I wasn’t sure if I was feeling comfortable or not, because as much as his questions made me feel fidgety, I was able to maintain my genuine attitude in front of him, I wasn’t building up an image in front oh him, I broke my walls in front of him. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “Aren’t you assisting” I asked as I jumped off the brick shade, ready to leave “I don’t think so, I don’t feel like physics” Hanbin casually answered and I took that as a no, heading downstairs “Hey” I stopped, gazing at him from behind my shoulder “You’re interesting, try to talk more” I chuckled “I won’t promise a thing” I replied as I proceeded my way.

So it was a good thing in the end.

#4

send an ask: get to know your author

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

4) favorite character you’ve written

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

8) favorite genre to write

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

12) your weaknesses as an author

13) your strengths as an author

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

15) why did you start writing?

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #9

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 

Exiting school me and Byungjoo walked side to side towards our houses, or at least that's what I thought until he put a hand over my shoulders And made us cross the road.

"Hey, let's go somewhere" he said as we marched across the street.

"Where" I asked, clueless. It's been some while since we went somewhere after school. Or even hung out on the weekends.

"you'll see, it will feel refreshing" he reassured.

Soon enough Byungjoo's palm blocked my vision and I got taken aback, "what are you doing, you're not kidnapping me right" I ranted and I heard him chuckle "what the hell is going on inside your head" he replied as he guided me forward to God knows where. But I didn't mind as long as it was only Byungjoo because even mom wouldn't question me being late if I was with him.

 I squinted my eyes as soon as Byungjoo removed his hand and soon adjusted my vision to the light. a small smile tickled my lips as I stared at the place I knew very well..

"The playground" I muttered.

"Does this bring back any memories?"

"A lot of them" I replied and walked forward, Byungjoo trailing closely behind me.

This playground was where me and Byungjoo met for the first time, around thirteen years ago. And since that day we became like peanut butter and jelly, if I may put it like this.we stuck to each other the whole time, had our own games and even our very own secret hideout.

"Want me to push you?" Byungjoo offered after noticing me staring at the swings and I smiled at him. If there was anything I liked about Byungjoo it was the way he read my mind.

"Do you remember? We first met exactly here, and you were afraid to play with the other kids" Byungjoo said as I sat down on the swing and he started pushing me lightly.

"I wasn't scared! I was just waiting for one of them to get off so I can play myself!" I defended.

"But many hopped on and off and you just stood there keeping a safe distance" Byungjoo went on and my pout deepened 

- 

'Should I approach them ? What if they refuse?' the little girl thought as she stood there watching the other kids swinging happily, immediately stepping forward whenever one of them got off yet soon retreating as another quickly gets on.

"Wanna play?" The girl turned to her left. There stood a child about her age and height, dark hair, big doe eyes and soft pink lips.

"E-Eung.." the girl almost whispered, nodding her head and soon hitched as the boy shouted, "Hey!! Let the girl play!!" 

"Okay come here" the child on the swing got off and called.

"You'll have to push me later for this" the little boy said and she just nodded with an excited smile.

"I'm Byungjoo. What's you name!" Byungjoo exclaimed while pushing the girl on the swing Stronger every time.

"H-Hajin, my name is Hajin" she replied, louder than before as the boy's tone told her he was no harm. 

- 

"Were you just watching the whole thing?!" 

"Sure why not" 

"Well you could've stepped up earlier!" 

"See? You were really in need of a super hero" 

"Tcheh.." I sighed, a smile never leaving my lips. 

I missed this Byungjoo. I missed the cheerful playful Byungjoo. It felt like it's been a while since we had a conversation like this. It felt good. It felt refreshing. 

We stayed in the playground for a longer time, playing, chatting, or just enjoying each other's presence. The playground was old and no kids played there anymore so we were pretty much alone. When it was almost sunset we walked back home. 

"Thanks" I said as I accepted the chocolate milk box Byungjoo had just bought. He knew I'd accept chocolate milk anywhere, anytime. 

"What about you" I asked as we resumed walking "

I gained some weight you see" he bluntly reasoned.

"Nonsense. You're still as thin as ever. I may weight more than you" 

"Says the one who skips breakfast and has Digestive cookies for lunch" he replied and I gave him a sly smile to which he just chuckled.

"Thanks" I said as me and Byungjoo reached my house.

"For what" he replied.

"For the refreshing time" I answered with a small smile which he just mirrored and began to walk his way, never forgetting to tell me to "take care" as usual. 

- 

"Hey"

it was Hanbin, "so I was being nice and decided to help you without you officially telling me to, you know, to spare you some of the awkwardness" he added as he casually marched closer to me.

"I was going to tell you though.." I murmured.

"When? Next century?" He amusedly replied.

"I really was, okay!" 

"I know I know, you're that desperate" he said with a sly smile and I glared at him.

"Forget it. What kind of idiot was I to even think of your 'help'" I hissed and jumped off the short wall, ready to leave the rooftop.

"Hey hey come here I'm kidding" Hanbin grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. Afterall, the 'wait' wasn't even a request since he practically shoved me back. 

"I'm not done talking" he added in a more serious tone as he looked at me right in the eyes. 

Suddenly his two hands landed on my shoulders and I found myself facing him. I gulped. 

"I, Kim Hanbin, pledge to make this little hopeless little creature's days more bright and crazy" 

"... uhm first I'm not little second can we skip the crazy part" I commented and he ignored me.

"And that will be starting..... tomorrow." He seriously announced, apparently too deep in his very own scenario.

"Tomorrow is Saturday what are you on" I scowled.

"Uhuh exactly," he stood up and faced me with his back. I raised an eyebrow, 

"because you'll be," he turned back and we locked eyes.

"tutoring me" he finished.

"Huh?"

#10

I just realized I didn’t post this yet it’s been ages since I wrote it .___.

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #6

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5

“Its okay, cry” Byungjoo almost whispered above my head “it’s okay to let out from time to time” he added I honestly had no idea how long have we been standing like this, but I couldn’t care less. It felt really good to cry against Byungjoo as his hand soothingly caressed my back in silence. I had tried to form a coherent sentence several times but ended up giving up as my sobs and hiccups took over and my brain was a whole mess. Gradually, my sobs silenced as I had enough from crying; I felt like my whole body drained and my head would explode at any moment then. The bell had rung a few moments ago but I couldn’t care less, I had History class and even when our teacher was good I was in no state to assist. After a few moments, Byungjoo detached his arms from me and ruffled my hair “Go home now okay? You need to rest and everything will be alright” he softly whispered, “I need to go now, my math teacher will skin me if I arrive later than this” he added and unwillingly stepped backwards. “Take care” Byungjoo finally said and left the rooftop. It felt good crying after all, I felt like I let out a bit. I had too much kept in, and it felt better to let out some. and as much as I wanted to pass out from the massive headache, I decided to stay more in the rooftop. The cold weather helped cool down my burning head, plus I couldn’t just go down the halls with this mess of a face. just as I started appreciating the silence and loneliness again, I could see a figure from the corner of my eye; a figure that soon halted his steps as he looked taken aback at what seemed to be my face, a figure that I immediately recognized. “Get out” I coldly muttered. This wasn’t the time for Kim Hanbin. This just wasn’t. “Whats wrong, hey don’t cry” hanbin said, almost sounding worried as his right thumb ran smooth against my red cheek attempting to wipe the remaining tears I had on my face. And as much as I would’ve appreciated his touch if I was in a good mood, it felt more than bothering at that moment that I found myself pushing his arm away, no eye contact made. I could feel Hanbin staring down at me for a moment before he awkwardly put his hand back in his pocket and sat next to me. “Bother to tell me what happened?” He asked again after some time “No” I simply replied, tone as cold as earlier. He just needed to leave. I was having a good time alone. Did he have to interrupt it “It’s not of you to ditch History. I mean, I was ditching that too but had other plans before I went past the classroom and didn’t see you there” Hanbin started again, he sounded too awkward and desperate to start a conversation which left me wondering why the heck did he even come to talk to me. “Why” I replied shortly again “Don’t I have the right to worry” Hanbin chuckled and said “No” I answered, finally looking at him after noticing his weird gaze towards me, “what are you looking at?” I confusedly asked “Are you even hearing yourself? You’re looking like a beaten squirrel, ditching classes, answering what I say with a single word or silence and tell me I don’t have the right to worry?” “BECAUSE NO ONE ASKED YOU TO” I finally snapped. Loudly. Holy shit I messed up. I fucking messed up. But guess what? I couldn’t care less. “Stop acting like you know me or anything!!” I added and I honestly think this is the first time I had spoken this loud to anyone. Well at least as far as I remember. “I told you to get out earlier” I said again, sounding more restrained “Alright.. ” Hanbin finally spoke up after staying quiet for a moment, and I would be lying if I said his tone didn’t frighten me. “I see then. But just saying, I won’t be leaving till you’re feeling better” he added, looking nowhere but at the ceiling and I almost snarled, fishing out my earphones out of my pocket and plugging them on. - I had no idea how much time passed and how long have I been staying here, around eight replays of my favorite song. But one thing was sure and it’s that Kim Hanbin was still sitting there. I slightly turned his way, giving him an aren’t-you-giving-up look when we locked eyes, to which he replied with a small childish smile and I rolled my eyes, looking away. What a kid. a few moments later and I got used to ignoring Hanbin’s existence, and he was nice for staying quiet which helped in so. I was totally sad, pissed, frustrated, I didn’t know what was it but I sure as hell wasn’t in a good mood, and I didn’t know why. I relieved stress with Byungjoo’s help, why was I still like this? Maybe I just need time to be alone then reboot. “Maybe you just need to play this” okay, did I just say that out loud? Because Hanbin was back to sticking to me again and this time, he extended his hand, showing me his phone. I glanced at the screen trying my best to ignore the fact that he was way too close to me that I could hear his excited breathing. It was a weird game full of colors, and there was this little white round bouncy thing in the middle of the screen, its numerous arms kept swirling around, it even had a face. I snickered “What’s this” I said and it didn’t even sound like a question, I was way too done with Kim Hanbin for having this sort of ridiculous game in his phone. “Just play alright, the instructions are in the screen” he urged and put the device between my hands “W-what are you doing” I said and almost hit myself for stuttering, but he just casually touched me so suddenly and I really wasn’t ready for it, I ducked my head down and pretended to be immersed in whatever was displayed in his phone. it was a weird game indeed, you had to move that bouncy thing by pressing left and right and dodge some black creepy round things which I guessed were evil by the way they were drawn. And in a matter of seconds I got so concentrated on the game as I got a hold of how it went. It was rather fun after all. “You’re doing well” Hanbin commented after watching me play for some time, sounding rather impressed “look, I died, happy now?” I made a face at him as my creature hit an evil one and died Hanbin extended his hand to retrieve his phone but I was quicker and yanked it away “Wait, I want to play more” I almost whined, as I tapped the Play button again “This thing is way too cute” I said between my chuckles as the white ball was so squishy and adorable, and as much as I was concentrated on the game, I didn’t fail to notice Hanbin actually creeping at me and not staring at the screen, and I honestly felt hella uncomfortable considering the fact that he was already too close. “Yay highscore!” I cheered as I made a new highscore in the game, satisfied by the fact that I scored better than him “Tell me the name of this game I’ll download it” I asked Hanbin as I handed him back his phone “You wish, I’ll only let you play it in my phone” he snapped and placed the device back in his pocket “Why? So you’d brag about MY scores to your friends?” I frowned “No, so I’d watch you fangirling ridiculously at it, you should’ve seen your face” hanbin simply answered and stood up. I bit the inner of my mouth as I averted his gaze, feeling blood rush up to my cheeks.

“Get up, you shouldn’t stay here more” he added and I did as told, Hanbin was right, it was getting cloder and the rooftop wasn’t really the best place to stay in. I followed behind Hanbin downstairs, making sure to keep a safe distance from him. - This had been in my notes for like a month and I was lazy to post it, it actually didn’t end up the way I wanted but well.

#7

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #2

#1

I knew he liked me, Byungjoo did. He wasn’t really that obvious, but I’ve known him enough to figure out. He was my neighbor for thirteen years now, and the first and only friend I made when I came to their neighborhood when I was four. We were quite close as kids I mean I used to do everything with him, play together, study together, I used to rely on him in everything, and had to buy him the same thing of anything I bought, he defended me the whole time and never left my side as we grew up together. I honestly felt grateful, no lie, but now we grew up, and things changed. We aren’t kids anymore. A simple touch isn’t meaningless anymore. Since we graduated middle school I started noticing, Byungjoo wasn’t the same anymore, he eyed me differently, behaved around me differently, even his tone of talking to me changed. That was enough for me to realize that it’s not the same anymore. Byungjoo didn’t see me as a best friend anymore, but as a girl. And I honestly felt guilty because I really didn’t mirror those feelings. I liked Hanbin. Though I knew I had no chance with him, my heart kept longing for him pathetically. I knew this was going to finish some day by me rejecting Byungjoo and never having Hanbin. And I’m sure Byungjoo would start distancing himself from me after and I really don’t want that. I only had Byungjoo. And loosing him wasn’t on my to do list. I actually lied, heh, I’m sorry. I haven’t always been alone after all. Byungjoo was always there, at least in the background. Checking on me between periods -as we studied in different classes-, having lunch with me, walking me home often and having the weirdest viber conversations. Byungjoo was actually the only person I was opened up with. I could freely talk without fearing him nor his reaction. I honestly felt comfortable around him because I could show my real self in front of him. What I liked about Byungjoo the most was how he was different from the others. Although he had known me for a long while, he wouldn’t just barge in when I’m sitting alone in silence. I almost think he reads my face. Whether I’m alone and liking it, or needing someone to talk to, or just a silent company. He knew me way too well. Although I was never the talkitive type. Yet I guess he just got used to my system, and unfortunately grew affectionate towards it. I sat almost cross legged -I was never good at that- over the a/c unit’s brick shade, slowly and gradually taking bites of my sandwich. Byungjoo had apparently thought it was nice to go to the rooftop and have lunch. This is both of us’ first time getting up here and if we get into trouble it’s totally his fault. Well it was pretty and comfortable here though, it was quiet and refreshing. Something Byungjoo knew I liked and that’s probably why he brought me here. And I was feeling glad he never really talked unless it was necessary. And that he got me up here because I honestly would never do that alone. I zoned out staring at the ceiling, well I pretended to, trying to look oblivious of Byungjoo intensly staring at me, I never really liked to ‘catch’ him while he’s at it, I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me so I’ve always let him be. Biting the inner of my mouth I secretly wished he disliked me instead because I totally hated the idea of hurting him, I hated it so much that I refuse the occurrence of the process. I had finished eating by the time Byungjoo called me, offering a sweet. “Don’t even try to say no because I’m not taking that as an answer” he said as I opened my mouth to refuse. I chuckled. “Sassy. Thanks” I silently replied, placing the candy in my pocket. He knew well that I needed something sugary between sessions. he probably won’t be attending class this afternoon that’s why he’s handing it to me now, he never came on Wednesday afternoons. He needs to stop ditching secondary subjects. Me and Byungjoo stayed in silence for a good while. Just enjoying each other’s company. This time he was more of concentrating on the floor, suddenly finding it more attractive than me, well honestly it was, I’m funny I know. His straight eyebrows furrowed and his pink lips slightly perked up; the typical face Kim Byungjoo made when he was in deep thoughts. I guess this time it was my turn to stare at him. From how the soft winds gently played with his blond hair and to how he rested his back on the edge of where I was sitting, legs crossed and hands in his pockets. Byungjoo was good looking, I’m not even going to lie about it. He was so good looking I actually questioned why didn’t I fall for him instead. I mean I’m not that superficial but let’s be honest, he’s nice, senseful, funny and responsible, and being good looking was like the icing on the cake. The cake that had been in front of me since I was four yet I never thought of tasting it. “What?” Did I stare for too long? “nothing. Just being creepy” I quickly averted his gaze and heard him chuckle “Ugh it’s cold” I muttered after few moments but soon regretted it because I had Byungjoo’s attention focused on me as he quickly took off his blazer and placed it over my shoulders “Hey I was just saying” “Just wear it, I don’t wanted to be blamed if you get sick” he hinted at how mom always told him to look after me as if I was five. “Lets go down” he said as he pushed himself off the short wall and started walking to the door, not even bothering to look back as he knew I was following behind him. “Hey” he turned “Your jacket” I said as I approached him more. He was going out now so he technically needed it more than me who’s going to stay under a roof. “Keep it on” he answered as soon as I laid my hands over the blazer to take it off “But people will misunder–” I started as I pushed it off but was soon cut off by Byungjoo placing both of his hand firmly on my shoulders, putting the jacket back on “Let them be.” he replied, intensely looking straight at my eyes and I felt terrified for a second to be honest. “Take care” Byungjoo added before letting go of me, then inserted his hands back in his pockets, quickly descending the stairs as I stood there like an idiot. I bit my lip.

#3

ATTENTION: For anyone who reads fanfiction without leaving feedback

Here’s a few things you should know:

Fanfiction is a gift. 

Fic writers don’t have to share their works with you. They don’t have to write them at all. They do it and they share it because they’re fans of the show/book/movie etc. just like you, and they want to contribute to everyone’s enjoyment of fandom.

Fanfiction is hard to write. 

You need a lot of creativity and passion to write fic. You need a ton of motivation and drive to write a complete fic, let alone a good one. Fic authors write for hours and hours and hours, often staying up late into the night just to write. They write through job struggles and personal issues, resorting to phones and tablets when their computers are on the fritz, tapping away on public buses and trains just because they can’t find any other time to write.

Fanfiction is free. 

Fic writers give away thousands and thousands of words of pure fandom magic, and you get to consume all of it for the wonderful price of nothing. The only reward writers receive for themselves (besides a sense of accomplishment) is the response they get from you, the reader. Some don’t even feel that accomplishment until they see kudos and comments telling them how much their work was enjoyed. 

Please. 

No matter how much time you have, even just clicking the kudos button takes less than a second. And if you have time to read 5k words at one go, it’s no stretch at all to take a few more seconds to type ‘good job!’ or ‘i loved this!’ in the comment box and hit send. 

Still not convinced?

1. IF YOU’RE EMBARRASSED / SHY,

Fic authors LOVE hearing from you. Don’t worry about whether you think you’re going to phrase your response well. That’s literally the last thing we care about. Just knowing that you had a good time with something we made is EVERYTHING to us.

2. IF YOU STILL JUST DON’T SEE THE POINT,

I have a very special challenge for you, my friend.

Write a fic.

Go forth, and write a complete, well-structured, well-characterised fic with organic, stimulating dialogue interwoven into a proper, fully fleshed-out storyline. 

Publish your work for all the Internet to see.

And then get back to me.