L.I.E: Love Is Exacting #9

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #11

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10  

“Yoohoo?” Hanbin waved his hand in front of my face and I finally looked at him “I’ve been talking to you for five minutes now” he said as he put his hand back on his pocket. I looked away from him and blinked multiple times, trying to regain my consciousness. My tidily brushed hair was a mess by now. “Oh come on chill, you look like you just saw a ghost. Admit it it wasn’t that bad.” He added “I swear to God, I’m going to destroy you one day” I bluntly said to Hanbin and he stared at me for a moment before humming in realization “So this is your way of saying thanks, you’re welcome!” He sarcastically replied with a smile, then pushed my lower jaw up “now stop gagging or else you’ll get a fly stuck in your throat.” Hanbin added and put a hand over my shoulders, guiding me to wherever, and at some point I didn’t give a shit anymore. My soul embraced the skies already anyways. i was too numb he could throw me off a cliff and I wouldn’t feel a thing. was this really a part of whatever plan he had? Was I supposed to actually trust Kim Hanbin? Maybe and as crazy as his ideas sounded, he had something else in mind, so I just hoped for the best. soon I detached myself from Hanbin’s hold and walked away, looking nowhere but at the small stand selling snacks, where my beloved chocolate milk was. “One strawberry milk please” Hanbin told the seller from behind me “One chocolate milk please” i said “No just one strawberry milk” Hanbin said again and I made a face “Whats your problem” I grumbled “Rule number three: Never be afraid to try new things” was all I got from him as he paid for the beverage then gave it to me. “But I hate this” “Are you even listening to what I say” “I don’t want it” “Deal with it, goddamn.” Hanbin snapped and looked at me with an annoyed face. if there was some beverage I hated the most it’d be strawberry milk. and he sure knew it, or at least knew that I liked the chocolate flavored one. I’d slap him if he’s just playing around. Throwing Hanbin a disgusted look I quietly opened the packaging and started drinking, soon flinching at the ever so bothersome taste. “From now on you’re going to drink this only, or at least when you’re with me” he added as he walked somewhere else, me trailing behind him “You suck” I murmured and he seemed to hear me since he soon replied “you’ll thank me later” After a bit of walking Hanbin stopped and turned to me, “I think we should go on the Ferris wheel and wrap up this day, I’m sick of your whining, you’re a slow learner” he noted and I stared at the huge turning circle. Wasn’t this for kids? Or couples? Or anything Kim Hajin wasn’t? “What? Dont tell me you’re afraid of this too, cause that’d be really lame. come on let’s go” hanbin said after noticing I was staring at the ride before he grabbed my hand and walked towards it, intertwining our fingers soon after. “W-wait what the hell” I muttered as my heartbeat quickened. “What now” “People are watching” “Uhh, so what?” “You have a girlfriend for God’s sake” “Do they know that? No. Stop making life complicated for once, would you?” Hanbin snapped at me for the umpteenth time today and lead me by the shoulders We continued marching towards the ride, or more like Hanbin dragging me towards it, me biting my lips the whole way, I just hoped no one I knew was there. We got on one of the cabinets and soon the ride started, our cabinet gradually increasing in height as time passed. “the view is good from here” Hanbin commented “What’s good about it” “Are you serious” he gave me a look and I almost scowled “What kind of kid are you, it’s just the city you see everyday but from above” I reasoned and he looked outside again, as if confirming “But it really looks beautiful” he defended and I rolled my eyes, he can be such a five year old Hanbin suddenly cupped my cheeks and Forced me to look at the view, “look closely” he said “W-what are you doing! D-don’t touch me!” I freaked out as I felt my face getting red “Just look, look at how the tall treets look like small bushes, look at how the vehicles look like kids’ toys, look at the setting sun painting everything orange. And see that river? That’s probably where we hung out last time” Hanbin started pointing out every detail of the scenery and I gradually began to appreciate every part of it. I never knew it was this beautiful. I never knew the plain city i saw everyday would ever look so appealing to me. “.. it’s really beautiful” i found myself muttering in awe as my eyes got glued to the view, that before i felt a smack on my head “Of course you rascal! That’s what I’ve been trying to point out since earlier.” He sighed “it’s all about perspective, it depends on the glasses you’re wearing in order to see this world. If your glasses are blurry or broken, you can’t enjoy the beauty of your surroundings, therefore you can never appreciate it. This is what Rule number four is about: Fix your glasses.” “Yah all what you’re saying is good and all but it sounds weird coming from you” “Is this an insult” “Well you just don’t look that smart okay just saying ” “That IS an insult! look at this ungrateful rascal” “… Thanks” I chuckled and looked away - “So, what did you learn today” Hanbin started as we finally walked back home after the Ferris wheel ride. “Hmm, forget about one two three, never be afraid to try new things, and fix your glasses. On a side note from where did you get these cliche phrases though” I answered, recapitulating the main ideas of what that mad man was saying all day. “I just made them up. And from now you’re going to keep every rule I mention in mind” Hanbin answered cockily, sounding too amused probably by the fact that he was controlling me, what a kid. “Including drinking strawberry milk” he added and I groaned but he suddenly got a freaking strawberry milk package from his jacket’s pocket and handed it to me “From where the hell did you get this” “You don’t need to know” was all I got. I pouted and opened the package because did I even have another option. I could only follow what Hanbin says even when he’s just saying whatever comes up first in his head “Hey” Hanbin started again “Hmm” I replied, making a face after taking another sip from the unpleasant beverage in my hand “I’m not trying to sound creepy or I don’t know but that guy you always stay with- what was his name?” “Byungjoo?” “Yeah” “what is it about him” “You… are you guys dating” “No, what makes you think that” “Just saying, because you never really spend time with anyone else but him” “Because he’s my best friend, and my only friend” “What about me” “Are you really comparing” “Sure, why not” I stopped “You’re spending more time with me lately, doesn’t that mean I’m close to you now” Hanbin said and I rolled my eyes in disbelief “So just because you’re bothering me more often lately you think we’re close?” “Don’t close people bother each other” “We’re not close Hanbin. No such thing would ever happen” I muttered. Because really being close to Hanbin in a status other than dating him wasn’t and would never be on my list “Why are you this secretive” he bluntly asked “I’m not secretive. I’m just telling you to not get too interfered with me.” “Then stop doing that.” Hanbin stopped walking and eyed me “I want to get closer to you, more than him.” he added “Byungjoo was also at the amusement park. That’s why I was acting that way before we got on the Ferris wheel.” My jaw dropped as my brain replayed what happened back at the amusement park. If someone was watching from afar they would legit only see a quarrelling couple. And to think that Byungjoo was there, I felt more than horrible. “I think it makes no sense that we’re hanging out but you still saying that we aren’t close. You’re overflowing with secrets. And I hate it.” He snapped and left me dumbfounded. Well fuck.

Cinderella’s dress, shoes, and hairband change color with your blog!!

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #3

#1 #2

“So this is where you vanish to lately” it was Hanbin. He had ascended the rooftop few minutes after I reached there. I had started spending more time here since me and Byungjoo came for the first time, I started liking this place so much, whether it was with or without Byungjoo’s company, I never failed to have lunch here everyday. But this wasn’t it, Hanbin was up here today, and he seemed quite interested in the fact of finally finding out where I’ve been going to. I let out a chuckle and gazed back at the typical gloomy cloudy sky of autumn. “What makes you care” I muttered, but he seemed to have a wide hearing range since he soon replied “Curiosity took the best of me” he simply stated, casually leaning on the a/c unit’s shade I always sat on, hands deep in his pockets. It was the same way Byungjoo sat but I especially found it attractive when Hanbin did it. Almost perfect. Yet so many questions lingered inside my head at that moment Why was he here? Why did he wonder where did I go? Why is he suddenly being comfortable around me? Why- Snap out of it Hajin, he already said it, curiosity took the best of him, don’t wander too far silly. “Shouldn’t you be having lunch now” I asked, not really waiting for a specific answer, I never did “Is this a dismiss” he chuckled “Take it however you want” I replied, never really making eye contact I turned to him, noticing he was staring at me for more than five seconds now “What?” I asked as he had an impressed look on. He let out a short laugh “Hey, are you really Kim Hajin?!” He bewilderedly questioned and I looked down at my uniform “Atleast that’s what my name tag says” I sarcastically answered “You’re actually acerbatic” he said, sounding fascinated by the discover. I almost slapped myself. Almost. But I mentally did though. This was Hanbin. My crush. And the guy I’ve always wanted to talk to. This wasn’t Byungjoo. My best friend. The guy that I can be opened to. What am I doing? Basically wasting my chance with him. Impressive. I didn’t know how it worked, maybe I felt weirdly way too comfortable with him that I could easily show him my real side. Maybe I was just so confused on how to attract him that I fucked it up being sarcastic. Maybe I thought being bitter would make him interested in me. Either ways Hanbin was probably judging me hard right now yet I didn’t care at all for unknown reasons. “Took you long enough to figure out” I murmured “Why do you put on that mask then” I didn’t answer. In fact, I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what to say. Hanbin asked such a question my brain stopped functioning. What was the use of this fake behavior. A part of me knew, but another didn’t. “It just… worked out like this. I became the Kim Hajin everyone knew, and burried the real me away” “Why” “You don’t ask why Hanbin. Everyone had issues in their lives that led them to certain decisions” He paused. “..Are you happy like this” I stayed silent. Kim Hanbin had the ability of making my mind a total mess in a span of a nanosecond. I never hesitated answering any question. Never. Yet look at me now, all pathetic for one. “As long as I’m following the standards, I am” The bell rang. And be honest I was more than glad to go and study Physics, mark this as a historical event please. I won’t deny that I’ve always wanted to talk with Hanbin at least for a short while, but now I’m desperate to escape. Hanbin asked precise questions. As if he knew everything. As if he could see through me. And I wasn’t sure if I was feeling comfortable or not, because as much as his questions made me feel fidgety, I was able to maintain my genuine attitude in front of him, I wasn’t building up an image in front oh him, I broke my walls in front of him. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “Aren’t you assisting” I asked as I jumped off the brick shade, ready to leave “I don’t think so, I don’t feel like physics” Hanbin casually answered and I took that as a no, heading downstairs “Hey” I stopped, gazing at him from behind my shoulder “You’re interesting, try to talk more” I chuckled “I won’t promise a thing” I replied as I proceeded my way.

So it was a good thing in the end.

#4

Expect: Hansol Vernon Chwe (Seventeen)

Strongly inspired by the lyrics of ‘Expect/기대’ Hansol drabble, this had been chilling in my notes for enough time so i thought I’d post it before they actually make another comeback orz

“and you know soonyoung hyung won’t shut up about how we won first place because of his choreography. I mean yeah he did a great job but sometimes he just becomes such a narcissist” It was about eleven in the night when the couple finally got to meet again after ages. They just enjoyed late night walks where the only thing they heard was one another. Dating an idol wasn’t all that great actually, Hansol barely had time to sleep let alone going on dates. But whenever he met Hajin, he made sure to tell her about every little thing that happened to him, and she was more than glad to listen to him talking even about the weirdest things ever, especially when he comes back from international promotions, goodness he had millions of stories to tell her, and that was the case that night However this time was different, Hajin seemed to be quieter than usual, and instead of laughing and interacting with the stories he told excitedly like a little kid, giving him her fulla attention, she just chuckled or muttered an “oh really?” , head deep in thoughts. She had too much going on her mind that she zoned out often, letting the boy blabber by himself “Are you listening to me” Hansol said after noticing the girl sitting next to him had been quiet for a while, only to see her head ducked down and her eyes that were glued to the ground started twinkling under the least amount of light there “what is it, Who made you cry, Who was bad to you?” the girl bit her lips as she failed suppressing the tears in her eyes. Clutching the edges of her skirt, she felt stupid for crying in front of him. Oh well, it was too late anyway. “Lean on me” was all Vernon said in a quiet voice. He knew there was nothing that would make her feel better than knowing he was there for her Without a second thought Hajin closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, letting her sobs finally be audible. the girl soon buried her face deep on his chest, circling her arms around his left one by her side as she cried like a whiny five year old “H-han.. sol-ah.. ” she uttered between her sobs and the boy was taken aback because she never really called him Hansol. It was always Vernon, Vern or some other weird nickname she had for him. They hardly even spoke in Korean since both of them knew English very well. and her calling him Hansol meant something was really wrong. “I missed you so much you’ve been far away for so long … I th-thought you’d never come back to me even if you come back to Korea… I thought I’d– loose you.. Y-you’re always surrounded with pretty girls, they are way better– than me and I feel like I’m a b-burden to you, I don’t deserve you Hansol-ah a-and I can’t help but think of you.. l-leaving me for a prettier girl” Hajin fought her loud sobs to form these words and honestly this was what filled her head this whole time he was away. she never thought she was good enough for Hansol. Let’s be real, he was handsome and talented, those were just the two first things you could notice about him let alone getting to know him more. He was the sweetest guy alive and she was grateful yet burdened by the fact. Hajin was nothing more than regular student. She loved cute and cats. But that was it. She was trash compared to the idols he saw everyday and would totally accept if he dumped her for one. but Hansol really didn’t care. In fact he found it rather disgusting how all of the girls around him walked around with tons of obvious make up on their faces. Like thanks but he would totally pass. He just loved how the simplest amount of make up his girlfriend put made her stand out for him way more than the others. He just loved to see her fresh skin through the almost invisible layer of foundation on her face. And he more than loved how casually she dressed whenever they met and how much of a weird clumsy head she was. “Am I in your heart?” He asked, waiting for an obvious answer, which was Hajin nodding her head against his chest “Am I really in your heart?” He asked again, and the girl nodded again, uttering a quiet “umm” “That technically means wherever you go I’ll be there, even when I’m busy with promotions or outside the country there will always be a little me in your heart. Just imagine a mini Vernon inside, chilling there, sending you hearts, telling you he loves you” he said and heard her chuckle at the thought although she was still quietly sobbing “I know that it’s so hard dating me, I feel sorry the whole time. we don’t get to meet often like a normal couple would do and… I’m just sorry you have to deal with all of this And me being an idol or whatever doesn’t mean I would get attracted to some girl group member just because they dress them well and doll them up, I really don’t care about all of that. I have you and I like you just the way you are. So don’t worry about a thing. Because I’m yours and yours only, after all you’re my clumsy head, so stop bothering yourself with things that will never happen” Hansol finished, gently stroking the girl’s hair. He just hoped she took his words to heart because she was the most precious person for him and he wanted her to know that well. Peeking at her face Hansol saw that his girlfriend was already asleep in his arms, probably too tired of crying. He chuckled and stared more at her peaceful sleeping face before carrying her back home, Planning to call his manager and ask him to spend the night at her place..

Favorite Jinyoung Looks (1/∞)

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #8

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7

"I feel saturated and.. I'm just sick of everything"

"Don't you think it's the right time for you to stop all of this" Hanbin asked in a serious tone and I looked up at him; clueless "You're destroying your own self as every second passes by. Just put an end to it. Who cares how you look or what you do? You're just you. Why would they judge you for being yourself? What is it that they have more than you that makes you think they're better? They're just them too. Not more not less. I think you're more jealous of the fact they manage to be themselves" he added in a matter of fact tone and I couldn't say that he wasn't right. "Because everyone's naturally cool, and then there is me, pretending to. All of them out there are pretty, cute, smart, perfect without even trying. And I'm just... I just want to experience that at least once" I didn't know what was it, but something made me spill everything in front of Hanbin. it's like he had some key to make me admit everything without feeling burdened or uncomfortable. "experience what" Hanbin asked, and I felt like he was trying to get something particular out of my mouth "being satisfied with myself for just one day" I replied honestly, avoiding looking at him in the eyes because his gaze was seriously tempting. Almost terrifying. As if he was warning me not to dare and lie to him. And I didn't. "what is your image of satisfying then" he insisted and I stayed quiet. This took me off guard. And I almost slapped myself after realizing I never really thought of this.   "see? You don't even have an answer. You know why?" Hanbin sighed and I bit my lip, it felt more like he was scolding me, "look idiot, you might not believe me but I don't care. All of these girls you're claiming to be pretty and smart and other stuff I can't process, all of them, are envious of you for having these, all of them rant all day long about how nice your sense of fashion is whatsoever... and it becomes annoying sometimes honestly because I have no interest in all of this" he admitted "How do you even know" I grumbled, come on, he wasn't going to be this lame, was he? "Ahem, you're talking to Kim Hanbin here" He simply reasoned, as if his name was sort of FBI or some trusted source. But it made some sense since he was always around girls, and some even share their gossips with him. I sighed. "Some people just grow to be a contradiction of what they want to be. They become perfectionists. And their image of perfect is anyone else but them" "--And they end up suiciding or overtaking pills due to low self esteem" Hanbin interrupted. I looked at him and we locked eyes. "Bet you don't want to end up like this" I looked away. I wasn't going to end up like this. I totally wasn't. I was mentally capable enough not to harm myself. Hanbin was just bullshitting about the stories bandied about in newspapers. "Think about this" he finally said before he got up and left. - Days passed and I never talked to Hanbin after that, but his words were still stuck in my head. I kept thinking of all of what he said and it was quite uncomfortable. Because the more I thought of it the more I believed he was mentally unstable. Yet deep down inside a part of me knew he was right. And as much as I tried to deny it, I needed Hanbin's help, whatever it was. and that is how I found myself sitting on my desk waiting for everyone to get out to talk to Hanbin. When I was sure no one was inside the classroom except a sleeping Hanbin -which I didn't care about- I rolled my eyes once more at whatever stupid act I was about to do and marched my way towards his desk in the far end of the room. "Yah" I hesitantly called "Hmm.." was all what I got from the boy, he didn't even move a muscle. Tsk. I cursed under my breathe. As if this wasn't already hard enough. Frustrated I directed a kick towards his tibia and he jumped up from his seat, his head perked up to see who was it. Groaning in pain or more like whining like a toddler Hanbin put his head back on his desk, eyes closed. "Yah I need to talk to you" I said in  restraint tone, hoping he'd notice my existence fully this time. "Just five more minutes.." Hanbin almost begged and I tried my best keeping in the back of my head how cute he sounded and how much I wanted to squeeze his puffed cheeks and--- okay. "Just five more minutes and I'd be halfway home" "Then just one.." he grumbled again and I rolled my eyes, he sure was in a whole other world. 4:34PM my phone indicated, "there, your minute passed" I informed Hanbin and he finally opened his holy graced eyes and lazily got up and leaned on his chair "What makes you wake me up this cruelly" a sleepy Hanbin murmured as he rubbed his eye "classes are done and you had to wake up anyways don't make me the bad guy here" I stated "Whatever, what do you want, and why are you talking to me in class" Hanbin questioned in full puzzlement and I realized we had never talked in class. It was like we were strangers when both of us stepped in. And I was weirdly glad he still treated me the same way, because I didn't want any of my classmates questioning shit. "Because no one is here, idiot. Look, I-I.. I have something to tell you" yes Hajin, what would you like to do else to make it sound more like a confession? Blush? Check. "What is it" Hanbin replied, more awake now "About what you said the other day. I was wondering if you... would you--" I halted as I heard someone opening the door wider and getting in. It was Byungjoo. And he eyed us both weirdly. Awkward. "What is happening here" Byungjoo asked, his tone curious and scary at the same time as he looked between me and Hanbin. "Nothing" I smiled up to him, "Don't forget to get your essay done by tomorrow Kim Hanbin, huh?" I randomly bluffed to Hanbin to make sure Byungjoo wasn't the least suspicious. Because as class president I had the authority to remind students of their homework, exam dates, and other boring stuff. "Let's go" I told Byungjoo and we both exited the room, with me ignoring the fact that Hanbin's gaze was digging holes against my back.

#9

(A/N: if you ever run into this scenario in another blog (taeramisuworld.tumblr.com) don’t worry, that blog is mine too, I post more fluffy-ish scenarios there if you want to check it :))

I missed him. I missed him so much. I missed his smile, his eyes, his voice, his touch, everything about him made me cry my eyes out. 

Me and Taehyung broke up five months ago. Things just weren't working and we had to separate. At first I was okay with breaking up, it sounded fine. It sounded like the best option. Who was I kidding? It was the worst option. If only I didn't rant about it. If only I kept my mouth shut. If only I just dealt with it. If only I was less selfish. If only things could go back to how it was. 

Taehyung was such a beautiful person. Inside and outside. He was the image of perfect in my eyes. From how his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me, how they almost disappear whenever he smiled widely, how his silky hair looked perfectly amazing in any hairstyle, how it felt so soft against my hands whenever I played with it, how plump his pink lips where, and how sweet they tasted against mine, how his hands sent electricity through my whole body whenever he intertwined our fingers, and how it perfectly fit mine as he securely held onto it, and to how he looked good in any of his outfits, his outfits that I still remember each one of them till now, and how he used to wear that gray sweater a lot, I liked it. And his eyelashes, oh God his eyelashes, this was probably the weirdest thing I liked about him, I'd keep staring at them until he notices that I was staring at them not his eyes, and end up teasing me about it, batting his eyelashes in a silly way. 

But deep down I was happy, because I knew he appreciated that, I knew I was the only one for him, I knew he only saw me in his life, I knew he loved me more than anything else in this world, yet if only I kept that in mind. 

I missed Taehyung. I missed how we used to fool around together. I missed how we used to cuddle under piles of blankets on rainy days. I missed how touchy he was and how I used to get all frustrated at it at first. I missed how I kissed his nose mole and how a small blush would creep its way up his cheeks whenever I did that. I missed how he used to squeeze my face between his palms whenever I was feeling upset, and how I found it ridiculous yet still never failed to make me feel better. I missed how he used to surprise hug me from the back whenever we were meeting for a date, and how he whispered how much he missed me with his deep yet sweet voice, the voice that I loved waking up to everyday, the voice that made my name sound a million times better, the voice of the person that never failed and will never fail to shake up my heart. 

I wanted to get back with Taehyung. I really did. Hell I more than did. And knew that as some point he wanted that too. Yet he was moving on, Taehyung thought he had no other choice, he thought that because I was selfish enough to make him think he was not good enough for me, he thought that because I made him believe he was at wrong. Me and Taehyung didn't break up because of a fight; we never fought. We were the cutest couple out there. We fit too perfectly that some cashiers or waiters would comment on it. 

Yet it wasn't that perfect though. Taehyung had a really crammed work schedule. I would see him once a month if I was lucky. He started work so early and finished late at night, and even when he gets dismissed early, I didn't want to bother him to meet, he would be way too exhausted and in need of sleep. We would text and call often though. And I was more than glad to wake up to a voice message by him everyday, calling me his sweet princess and saying he misses me and loves me so much. 

However that often turned into sometimes, then to rarely. Our phone conversations consisted mainly of asking each other how are we doing, his work, my studies, and me telling him to take a rest after him ranting about how tired he was, it was way too obvious from his voice already. Taehyung was going through a really tough period, he had to work double, if not more. It was for the sake of his promotion. If he got promoted, his salary would be enough to cover all of his needs. He needed it. He wanted it. And I honestly wanted it for him too. Who wouldn't want a better life for her boyfriend. 

Yet it was getting out of hand. Taehyung sometimes didn't even reply my messages. He didn't pick up my calls. I knew the time he was dismissed and always made sure to call after that not to bother him at work. And in parallel he called and texted less often, until we lost contact for some time. And I had enough. I wanted to talk about it. I told him and after convincing him it's not something to say over the phone and that he should spare time for it, we agreed to meet. 

If only we didn't. I still regret that day. I regret it way too much That my eyes tear up when I remember. 

"Look Taehyung, the thing is, I really understand you're really busy with work and all, and that it's really important for you, but don't you think you've been forgetting about us? I was okay okay with it at first. But it's getting out of hand Taehyung. Are we really dating or what?" 

He sighed. 

"Listen babe I'm really sorry. My boss got a thing for me, he won't be letting me upgrade easily. I had to work extra hours and make sure not to make a single mistake. It's not that I forgot you or anything. You're always in my mind okay? You're the one giving me strength when I feel like giving--" 

"Are we really going to listen to this again? This is taking too long Taehyung. If he doesn't want to promote you then quit there. There are plenty of job announcements out there and with a diploma like yours you could get hired easily." 

"It's not as easy as it sounds Haji--" 

"Then spare some time to at least meet for coffee, if it wasn't for the pictures I have of you I would've forgotten how your face looked like goddamn it Taehyung!!" 

"Its going to be over soon" 

"You said that a month ago Taehyung. We need a solution for this" 

He looked at me. And I could still feel how his eye gaze stung my heart. He was afraid. His look was pleading. He was hoping it's not what he thought that I meant. Although a part of him knew there was nothing to do about it. 

"I see this is not working out. I'm sorry." 

I stayed silent. 

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for not keeping in mind what you felt about it. I'm sorry for not treating you good enough. I made mistakes. And I honestly think I can do nothing to fix them. I was so bad to you I'm sorry. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven, Taehyung. But I'm afraid this relationship is not going anywhere, and it's better if it ends here. I'm sorry Tae. We're over. But I just want you to know, that I've been really happy in these two years we spent together. And I'm thankful for it." I said as I turned my back and started walking further. 

"I'm sorry. I hope.. you'll meet someone nicer and kinder than me, and would value you enough" 

I stopped as I heard him say this and a lump formed in my throat "I don't think I will.." I muttered before resuming to walk. 

That's how we broke up. And I regret every word that came out of my mouth that day. 

A few days later I got a message that struck me hard. It was Taehyung. I read that message too many time I actually memorized it by heart. 

"Hey. At first I didn't think you would bother to know, but I decided to inform you anyway. I got promoted today. the director changed just the after and I showed him my file, he said I was worth promoting and thus I'm on a higher grade now and have less work hours and more payment. I don't think you'd care now, right? Since that's the reason we broke up. But well, I'm sorry for disturbing you, that's the last you'll hear from me. Take care, do well with your studies. -Taehyung" 

That night I cried. A lot. I couldn't sleep, thinking how much of a horrible creature I was. If I only waited one day. One fucking day. Hell that was not even twelve hours. Why did I have to talk about it. He said it was going to be over soon anyways. i Should’ve trusted him. I should've trusted Taehyung. He knew what was he saying. He had hope in our relationship. He had always thought of me. He had always loved me and only me. He had always cared. Yet I didn't. I was selfish enough not to think of what he felt, what was he going through. He was being terribly unhealthy because of too much work. He had pressure on him the whole time and I just made it worse on him. I wish I didn't. I wish we could come back together. And everything would be just as it was. We wouldn't meet for several months and I wouldn't mind for all I care. Having in mind that he won't ever forget me. He won't ever stop loving me. 

About two weeks later the new month came. And I honestly wasn't doing any good in moving on overTaehyung. I dreamt of him every night. Saw him everywhere. My whole life was missing a piece. I got a message. It was from the bank. It said I received 200 dollars from a more than familiar account number. Followed by another message 

"Hey this is Taehyung, just in case you deleted my number. Sorry, I said I won't bother you again but, even though we broke up, I'll still share my salary with you till you have a boyfriend. If not, till you graduate. Don't take part time jobs okay? Take care -Taehyung" 

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was crying uncontrollably. he didn't just send me the monthly money. He doubled it. Since he got promoted. He had always hated it for me to have a part time job, as I was a struggling parentless university student. But the fact that he still sent me that even after we broke up shoke me up. Taehyung still cared. He moved on, but he cared. Thats why I loved him. He was nice. He was caring. He didn’t need a person to be related to him or of his circle to help them. He just did so because he was kind. Kim Taehyung was the kindest person I knew. Yet I didn't value him enough. 

I sat at a table in a cafe across Taehyung's work place. It's been three months that I had always been doing this, I went there about ten minutes before his dismissal time, and watched him as he went out of the building. Sometimes with his colleague; Jungkook, happily chatting. His figure slender as ever. He got even more handsome by now I think. And I hated the fact that other girls can look at him now. And that he wasn't mine anymore. The most perfect guy on earth wasn't mine anymore. Because I wasn't patient and understanding enough. 

I wasn't going to move on overTaehyung. I will never do. Thus I'll never date again I guess. No one would be worth more than Taehyung. He was the only one in my eyes and will forever be. Yet I was glad this was my last year of university. I was going to graduate soon and he won't have to spend money on the girl that broke his heart, the horrible girl that wasn't understanding enough, the ignorant girl that didn't stand by him in his hardest moments yet gave him more pressure. 

I took a sip of my warm mocha as my heart tingled in excitement. He will go out soon. I wonder what is he wearing today. I hope he'll come out with Jungkook, I want to see him smiling. He always looks good when smiling.

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #5

#1 #2 #3 #4

It was a nice day. It was one of those autumn days that are exceptionally less chilly. The sun would occasionally pay the sky a visit and it was kind of warm. Well, that’s what someone would think. But personally, I found it a bad day. A horrible day. Isn’t everyday horrible anyways? Life itself is horrible. But I didn’t mind as long as I was able to deal with its crap. I wouldn’t mind a tornado or a tsunami taking me away though just saying. I was walking to school again with ByungJoo as usual. He Stayed a bit with me in the classroom before the math teacher entered and he had to go. lesson started, and I was honestly in no mood for math. The lesson was about Spacial Geometry. It was ridiculous. And I was more than sick of my teacher being busy shushing everyone more than actually progressing in the lesson. “Okay now attention!!” She said as she stood up, after giving us five minutes to try on a task, which everyone was apparently ignoring and was chatting with their friends. “Everyone look here! Soojung, pay attention, Jaebum put that phone down- Hanbin what are you looking a—” the teacher stopped talking and my head shot up from writing as soon as I heard Hanbin’s name. I turned to him and he gave the teacher an innocent look before looking down. I looked at my teacher and a playful smile was on her face as she stared between me and Hanbin and in no time everyone was looking at me “Huh?” I quietly muttered, I was too immersed in solving the task that I didn’t know what was happening “Hajin, be careful huh” my teacher said with the same playful smile and I glanced at Hanbin and he was still looking down, a small smile that ressembled more of a -awkward- smirk on his face this time. Was he looking at me? I looked down at my notebook again expressionless, I just hoped I wasn’t blushing so I’d look like I showed no emotion to what just happened. Its not like this never happened before. I’ve noticed him looking at me more than twice. I think I’ve mentioned that. But from what I know about Hanbin he wasn’t the type to let off his guard, let alone the teacher noticing him. He sure interacted a lot with girls. It was always the cool side of him, but never the affectionate. Why was he staring at me like this? Is he that bothered by the fact that I am not all over him? Did he need to talk to me? Was he just spacing out? (Since the lesson is about space, get it?) And that’s how and for the morning period, my mind was filled of thoughts about Hanbin, Hanbin, and more Hanbin. Mondays have always got on my nerves since I had a full day, let alone my Philosophy teacher and her weird annoying rules she suddenly makes up basically to make us hate her even more. And so, by noon, I was on the verge of chopping the head of anyone who touched me. “Hajin, hold up I need to talk to you” my Literature teacher told me as the bell rang and everyone was hollering out of class *ugh what now* I thought as I went up to her desk “Whats wrong with you? Your test answers disappointed me” she started and I almost made a face “And you went out early. I thought you encountered the topic before and answered fast, but I didn’t like your answers at all” she added “Its just not of me to think twice when answering” I replied quietly, I was seriously in no mood that day, let alone that literature was never my thing “Were you sick?” “… kind of” I muttered “I assume this won’t happen next time” she said as she got up from her chair and went out “It won’t, ma'am” I whispered as I bowed at her and huffed as soon as she was out of my sight “Wow calm down there your Highness” Byungjoo said as he saw me furiously stuffing my belongings in my backpack. “Piss off Byungjoo” I hissed as I made my way to the rooftop. I could feel him following behind me as I walked up the stairs. Byungjoo just never knew how to leave me alone. “What happened?” He asked, keeping a safe distance between us as I sat on my usual spot “None of your business” I hissed hoping he’d get the message that I’m not welcoming any company. I wanted to be alone. I needed time for myself. All the pressure around me was frustrating and I wanted to run away from it. Everyone was expecting the best from me. I was a goddamned human too. Why wouldn’t they expect others to do excellent too? Why wouldn’t they expect others to be responsible and hard working too? Why were they all almost depending on me? Wasn’t I allowed to wrong? Many similar thoughts lingered around my head and by the time, tears were Streaming down my cheeks. 

It was all so frustrating. I wanted to run away from all these ideas. I wanted somewhere to escape to and find peace. Somewhere where I can feel safe. And where no one can hurt me. And I immediately found that somewhere as Byungjoo’s arms wrapped securely around me. He pulled me close quietly as his body radiated heat against my freezing one. Byungjoo just stayed there, silent, rubbing circles with his thumb against my right shoulder blade. 

I liked it in his arms. It felt warm and secure. And for a second, I remembered that it wasn’t only Hanbin that mattered in my life. It was Byungjoo. Byungjoo had always been there for me. Whether I was in a surprisingly good mood or my usual dull attitude. He never really complained when I was cold to him. He knew me too well to. He knew too well that in the end, I’ll end up crying in his arms, where he comforts me and tells me everything will be alright and that I’m stronger than any obstacle. 

I ducked my head deeper in his chest as I effortlessly leaned against him, sobbing quietly.

“I’m tired Byungjoo. I’m tired of all of this. I just can’t anymore. It’s too much” I muttered between my sobs, and if it was someone else they wouldn’t get any of what I said. I mean let’s be logical, what I said didn’t make any sense. It was damn blurry yet I knew that even if he didn’t show it, Byungjoo knew what I meant. He knew that the world scared me. He knew I was insecure. The only thing he was oblivious of was Hanbin. And at some point of that moment, Hanbin was the last thing I could think of, after he was the only thing filling my head this morning. Byungjoo whispered comforting words soothingly against my hair, leading my sobs to tone down. I finally circled my arms around his waist and was ready to stay like this forever. Because at that moment, I wasn’t feeling alone anymore. 

And nothing really mattered more than that.

#6

send an ask: get to know your author

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

4) favorite character you’ve written

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

8) favorite genre to write

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

12) your weaknesses as an author

13) your strengths as an author

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

15) why did you start writing?

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #7

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6

Leaving the rooftop, Hanbin lead the way downstairs. "Yah Hanbin" I stopped at my tracks. My body froze just before turning to descend the left stairs as I heard a female voice calling. "oh, Mirae" I heard Hanbin say, I could distinguish the surprise in his voice, he was smiling awkwardly,  I could guess "Where were you? What were you doing there?" The girl asked and I bit my lip and as my heart hammered inside my chest *please don't say anything stupid please don't say anything stupid* I repeated over and over in my head as I waited for the boy to utter a word for what seemed to be two eternities. What if he tells her? Ill be doomed. Goddamn doomed. "Just walking around, turned out it's locked up there" Hanbin casually answered and I mentaly sighed in relief, I had a hast urge to go up and hug him for being smart once in his life. "What are you doing here, go to class, hurry" I heard Hanbin say "Seems like you're ditching too so really" Mirae said through pouty lips "No my baby needs to study hard" the boy cooed and I rolled my eyes Eventually, Hanbin managed to shoo his girlfriend away without her finding out I was there. He cane back to the staircase after walking her half way to her classroom to find me leaning on the wall, arms crossed "You guys are quite disgusting" I said and heard him chuckle. Yes, I finally had the chance to say this. And no, I didn't regret that. "Girls love sweet talking" he replied as a matter of fact and I gave him a look. It hasn't been a long time since we started talking but I think he got the message that I wasn't too into that. "You're special okay" Hanbin added as he ascended the stairs till he was on the same one as me "You're still sweet talking" I replied in a tone, not annoyed, but way too done with this boy and his tongue. "Hey, you haven't eaten a thing" Hanbin said again and almost put a hand over my shoulder as we descended the stairs to the main hall. I couldn't believe this. This was just so wrong. Way too wrong. I was actually talking to Hanbin, I was almost getting close to him; my crush. Now this can't be true. And as much as I knew how unlucky I was, I was enjoying that although it won't probably last for long. "Are you even listening" I snapped out of my thoughts and found myself walking out the gates of school with Hanbin on my right side. I was looking more human by the time. "Huh?" Was all I could utter as I tried to process what was happening "I said let's go get something at the café nearby" hanbin repeated so casually that it didn't even sound wrong to my ear at all. "Uhh yeah, let's" I replied, trying to sound neutral as I we walked side to side further from school. So I'm technically having a date with Hanbin. Holy shit. Great now slap me for having that thought. the road to the coffee shop was rather short. We soon arrived and were seated on a table in the far inside of the shop. "I'll go get two hot chocolates" Hanbin said after putting his almost empty backpack down and headed to the counter, not even bothering to ask me what would I like to have, or even if hot chocolate was fine. What a gentleman. Hanbin soon came back with two large mugs, placed one next to me and took a seat as he put down his. he leaned back and gave me a look "Why do you look unamused" he asked, not really demanding "Haven't I always looked unamused" I answered as a matter of fact "do you really feel so" he paused then insisted again "Try and guess-" I replied after taking a sip of my drink "You get on my nerves" Hanbin chuckled and looked away in disbelief "Good" I commented with a smirk "Look who's finally in a good mood" he mirrored my smirk Ouch. That was a good comeback. He caught me off guard. "Not me" I chuckled "Yeah of course" Hanbin replied, amused and we both smiled as we locked eyes we left the coffee shop after and resumed walking, it wasn't really the perfect day to but well. Hanbin then stopped at a small hill by the riverbank and we both comfortably sat down; him laying even. It was a really beautiful place to relax. I stared at the peaceful water glowing under the still strong rays of the sun, as I felt Hanbin playing with strands o coaly black hair. maybe the fact that Hanbin came wasn't bad after all. "So.. back in the rooftop, would you like to tell me what made you sad now?" okay. I take that back. Frowning I sighed "did you have to ruin the mood now" "I'm just concerned" "I told you you didn't have to" "I just want to help goddamn it!" Hanbin finally snapped almost loudly and I looked at him. He sat up and look at me intensely ".... is that possible" he added and I sighed, resting my forehead on my knees, elbows supporting my head "I don't know... I just... I just don't know" And the next thing I knew is that I was crying. Again.

#8