L.I.E: Love Is Exacting #2

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L.I.E: Love is Exacting #9

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 

Exiting school me and Byungjoo walked side to side towards our houses, or at least that's what I thought until he put a hand over my shoulders And made us cross the road.

"Hey, let's go somewhere" he said as we marched across the street.

"Where" I asked, clueless. It's been some while since we went somewhere after school. Or even hung out on the weekends.

"you'll see, it will feel refreshing" he reassured.

Soon enough Byungjoo's palm blocked my vision and I got taken aback, "what are you doing, you're not kidnapping me right" I ranted and I heard him chuckle "what the hell is going on inside your head" he replied as he guided me forward to God knows where. But I didn't mind as long as it was only Byungjoo because even mom wouldn't question me being late if I was with him.

 I squinted my eyes as soon as Byungjoo removed his hand and soon adjusted my vision to the light. a small smile tickled my lips as I stared at the place I knew very well..

"The playground" I muttered.

"Does this bring back any memories?"

"A lot of them" I replied and walked forward, Byungjoo trailing closely behind me.

This playground was where me and Byungjoo met for the first time, around thirteen years ago. And since that day we became like peanut butter and jelly, if I may put it like this.we stuck to each other the whole time, had our own games and even our very own secret hideout.

"Want me to push you?" Byungjoo offered after noticing me staring at the swings and I smiled at him. If there was anything I liked about Byungjoo it was the way he read my mind.

"Do you remember? We first met exactly here, and you were afraid to play with the other kids" Byungjoo said as I sat down on the swing and he started pushing me lightly.

"I wasn't scared! I was just waiting for one of them to get off so I can play myself!" I defended.

"But many hopped on and off and you just stood there keeping a safe distance" Byungjoo went on and my pout deepened 

- 

'Should I approach them ? What if they refuse?' the little girl thought as she stood there watching the other kids swinging happily, immediately stepping forward whenever one of them got off yet soon retreating as another quickly gets on.

"Wanna play?" The girl turned to her left. There stood a child about her age and height, dark hair, big doe eyes and soft pink lips.

"E-Eung.." the girl almost whispered, nodding her head and soon hitched as the boy shouted, "Hey!! Let the girl play!!" 

"Okay come here" the child on the swing got off and called.

"You'll have to push me later for this" the little boy said and she just nodded with an excited smile.

"I'm Byungjoo. What's you name!" Byungjoo exclaimed while pushing the girl on the swing Stronger every time.

"H-Hajin, my name is Hajin" she replied, louder than before as the boy's tone told her he was no harm. 

- 

"Were you just watching the whole thing?!" 

"Sure why not" 

"Well you could've stepped up earlier!" 

"See? You were really in need of a super hero" 

"Tcheh.." I sighed, a smile never leaving my lips. 

I missed this Byungjoo. I missed the cheerful playful Byungjoo. It felt like it's been a while since we had a conversation like this. It felt good. It felt refreshing. 

We stayed in the playground for a longer time, playing, chatting, or just enjoying each other's presence. The playground was old and no kids played there anymore so we were pretty much alone. When it was almost sunset we walked back home. 

"Thanks" I said as I accepted the chocolate milk box Byungjoo had just bought. He knew I'd accept chocolate milk anywhere, anytime. 

"What about you" I asked as we resumed walking "

I gained some weight you see" he bluntly reasoned.

"Nonsense. You're still as thin as ever. I may weight more than you" 

"Says the one who skips breakfast and has Digestive cookies for lunch" he replied and I gave him a sly smile to which he just chuckled.

"Thanks" I said as me and Byungjoo reached my house.

"For what" he replied.

"For the refreshing time" I answered with a small smile which he just mirrored and began to walk his way, never forgetting to tell me to "take care" as usual. 

- 

"Hey"

it was Hanbin, "so I was being nice and decided to help you without you officially telling me to, you know, to spare you some of the awkwardness" he added as he casually marched closer to me.

"I was going to tell you though.." I murmured.

"When? Next century?" He amusedly replied.

"I really was, okay!" 

"I know I know, you're that desperate" he said with a sly smile and I glared at him.

"Forget it. What kind of idiot was I to even think of your 'help'" I hissed and jumped off the short wall, ready to leave the rooftop.

"Hey hey come here I'm kidding" Hanbin grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. Afterall, the 'wait' wasn't even a request since he practically shoved me back. 

"I'm not done talking" he added in a more serious tone as he looked at me right in the eyes. 

Suddenly his two hands landed on my shoulders and I found myself facing him. I gulped. 

"I, Kim Hanbin, pledge to make this little hopeless little creature's days more bright and crazy" 

"... uhm first I'm not little second can we skip the crazy part" I commented and he ignored me.

"And that will be starting..... tomorrow." He seriously announced, apparently too deep in his very own scenario.

"Tomorrow is Saturday what are you on" I scowled.

"Uhuh exactly," he stood up and faced me with his back. I raised an eyebrow, 

"because you'll be," he turned back and we locked eyes.

"tutoring me" he finished.

"Huh?"

#10

I just realized I didn’t post this yet it’s been ages since I wrote it .___.

Expect: Hansol Vernon Chwe (Seventeen)

Strongly inspired by the lyrics of ‘Expect/기대’ Hansol drabble, this had been chilling in my notes for enough time so i thought I’d post it before they actually make another comeback orz

“and you know soonyoung hyung won’t shut up about how we won first place because of his choreography. I mean yeah he did a great job but sometimes he just becomes such a narcissist” It was about eleven in the night when the couple finally got to meet again after ages. They just enjoyed late night walks where the only thing they heard was one another. Dating an idol wasn’t all that great actually, Hansol barely had time to sleep let alone going on dates. But whenever he met Hajin, he made sure to tell her about every little thing that happened to him, and she was more than glad to listen to him talking even about the weirdest things ever, especially when he comes back from international promotions, goodness he had millions of stories to tell her, and that was the case that night However this time was different, Hajin seemed to be quieter than usual, and instead of laughing and interacting with the stories he told excitedly like a little kid, giving him her fulla attention, she just chuckled or muttered an “oh really?” , head deep in thoughts. She had too much going on her mind that she zoned out often, letting the boy blabber by himself “Are you listening to me” Hansol said after noticing the girl sitting next to him had been quiet for a while, only to see her head ducked down and her eyes that were glued to the ground started twinkling under the least amount of light there “what is it, Who made you cry, Who was bad to you?” the girl bit her lips as she failed suppressing the tears in her eyes. Clutching the edges of her skirt, she felt stupid for crying in front of him. Oh well, it was too late anyway. “Lean on me” was all Vernon said in a quiet voice. He knew there was nothing that would make her feel better than knowing he was there for her Without a second thought Hajin closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, letting her sobs finally be audible. the girl soon buried her face deep on his chest, circling her arms around his left one by her side as she cried like a whiny five year old “H-han.. sol-ah.. ” she uttered between her sobs and the boy was taken aback because she never really called him Hansol. It was always Vernon, Vern or some other weird nickname she had for him. They hardly even spoke in Korean since both of them knew English very well. and her calling him Hansol meant something was really wrong. “I missed you so much you’ve been far away for so long … I th-thought you’d never come back to me even if you come back to Korea… I thought I’d– loose you.. Y-you’re always surrounded with pretty girls, they are way better– than me and I feel like I’m a b-burden to you, I don’t deserve you Hansol-ah a-and I can’t help but think of you.. l-leaving me for a prettier girl” Hajin fought her loud sobs to form these words and honestly this was what filled her head this whole time he was away. she never thought she was good enough for Hansol. Let’s be real, he was handsome and talented, those were just the two first things you could notice about him let alone getting to know him more. He was the sweetest guy alive and she was grateful yet burdened by the fact. Hajin was nothing more than regular student. She loved cute and cats. But that was it. She was trash compared to the idols he saw everyday and would totally accept if he dumped her for one. but Hansol really didn’t care. In fact he found it rather disgusting how all of the girls around him walked around with tons of obvious make up on their faces. Like thanks but he would totally pass. He just loved how the simplest amount of make up his girlfriend put made her stand out for him way more than the others. He just loved to see her fresh skin through the almost invisible layer of foundation on her face. And he more than loved how casually she dressed whenever they met and how much of a weird clumsy head she was. “Am I in your heart?” He asked, waiting for an obvious answer, which was Hajin nodding her head against his chest “Am I really in your heart?” He asked again, and the girl nodded again, uttering a quiet “umm” “That technically means wherever you go I’ll be there, even when I’m busy with promotions or outside the country there will always be a little me in your heart. Just imagine a mini Vernon inside, chilling there, sending you hearts, telling you he loves you” he said and heard her chuckle at the thought although she was still quietly sobbing “I know that it’s so hard dating me, I feel sorry the whole time. we don’t get to meet often like a normal couple would do and… I’m just sorry you have to deal with all of this And me being an idol or whatever doesn’t mean I would get attracted to some girl group member just because they dress them well and doll them up, I really don’t care about all of that. I have you and I like you just the way you are. So don’t worry about a thing. Because I’m yours and yours only, after all you’re my clumsy head, so stop bothering yourself with things that will never happen” Hansol finished, gently stroking the girl’s hair. He just hoped she took his words to heart because she was the most precious person for him and he wanted her to know that well. Peeking at her face Hansol saw that his girlfriend was already asleep in his arms, probably too tired of crying. He chuckled and stared more at her peaceful sleeping face before carrying her back home, Planning to call his manager and ask him to spend the night at her place..

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #11

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10  

“Yoohoo?” Hanbin waved his hand in front of my face and I finally looked at him “I’ve been talking to you for five minutes now” he said as he put his hand back on his pocket. I looked away from him and blinked multiple times, trying to regain my consciousness. My tidily brushed hair was a mess by now. “Oh come on chill, you look like you just saw a ghost. Admit it it wasn’t that bad.” He added “I swear to God, I’m going to destroy you one day” I bluntly said to Hanbin and he stared at me for a moment before humming in realization “So this is your way of saying thanks, you’re welcome!” He sarcastically replied with a smile, then pushed my lower jaw up “now stop gagging or else you’ll get a fly stuck in your throat.” Hanbin added and put a hand over my shoulders, guiding me to wherever, and at some point I didn’t give a shit anymore. My soul embraced the skies already anyways. i was too numb he could throw me off a cliff and I wouldn’t feel a thing. was this really a part of whatever plan he had? Was I supposed to actually trust Kim Hanbin? Maybe and as crazy as his ideas sounded, he had something else in mind, so I just hoped for the best. soon I detached myself from Hanbin’s hold and walked away, looking nowhere but at the small stand selling snacks, where my beloved chocolate milk was. “One strawberry milk please” Hanbin told the seller from behind me “One chocolate milk please” i said “No just one strawberry milk” Hanbin said again and I made a face “Whats your problem” I grumbled “Rule number three: Never be afraid to try new things” was all I got from him as he paid for the beverage then gave it to me. “But I hate this” “Are you even listening to what I say” “I don’t want it” “Deal with it, goddamn.” Hanbin snapped and looked at me with an annoyed face. if there was some beverage I hated the most it’d be strawberry milk. and he sure knew it, or at least knew that I liked the chocolate flavored one. I’d slap him if he’s just playing around. Throwing Hanbin a disgusted look I quietly opened the packaging and started drinking, soon flinching at the ever so bothersome taste. “From now on you’re going to drink this only, or at least when you’re with me” he added as he walked somewhere else, me trailing behind him “You suck” I murmured and he seemed to hear me since he soon replied “you’ll thank me later” After a bit of walking Hanbin stopped and turned to me, “I think we should go on the Ferris wheel and wrap up this day, I’m sick of your whining, you’re a slow learner” he noted and I stared at the huge turning circle. Wasn’t this for kids? Or couples? Or anything Kim Hajin wasn’t? “What? Dont tell me you’re afraid of this too, cause that’d be really lame. come on let’s go” hanbin said after noticing I was staring at the ride before he grabbed my hand and walked towards it, intertwining our fingers soon after. “W-wait what the hell” I muttered as my heartbeat quickened. “What now” “People are watching” “Uhh, so what?” “You have a girlfriend for God’s sake” “Do they know that? No. Stop making life complicated for once, would you?” Hanbin snapped at me for the umpteenth time today and lead me by the shoulders We continued marching towards the ride, or more like Hanbin dragging me towards it, me biting my lips the whole way, I just hoped no one I knew was there. We got on one of the cabinets and soon the ride started, our cabinet gradually increasing in height as time passed. “the view is good from here” Hanbin commented “What’s good about it” “Are you serious” he gave me a look and I almost scowled “What kind of kid are you, it’s just the city you see everyday but from above” I reasoned and he looked outside again, as if confirming “But it really looks beautiful” he defended and I rolled my eyes, he can be such a five year old Hanbin suddenly cupped my cheeks and Forced me to look at the view, “look closely” he said “W-what are you doing! D-don’t touch me!” I freaked out as I felt my face getting red “Just look, look at how the tall treets look like small bushes, look at how the vehicles look like kids’ toys, look at the setting sun painting everything orange. And see that river? That’s probably where we hung out last time” Hanbin started pointing out every detail of the scenery and I gradually began to appreciate every part of it. I never knew it was this beautiful. I never knew the plain city i saw everyday would ever look so appealing to me. “.. it’s really beautiful” i found myself muttering in awe as my eyes got glued to the view, that before i felt a smack on my head “Of course you rascal! That’s what I’ve been trying to point out since earlier.” He sighed “it’s all about perspective, it depends on the glasses you’re wearing in order to see this world. If your glasses are blurry or broken, you can’t enjoy the beauty of your surroundings, therefore you can never appreciate it. This is what Rule number four is about: Fix your glasses.” “Yah all what you’re saying is good and all but it sounds weird coming from you” “Is this an insult” “Well you just don’t look that smart okay just saying ” “That IS an insult! look at this ungrateful rascal” “… Thanks” I chuckled and looked away - “So, what did you learn today” Hanbin started as we finally walked back home after the Ferris wheel ride. “Hmm, forget about one two three, never be afraid to try new things, and fix your glasses. On a side note from where did you get these cliche phrases though” I answered, recapitulating the main ideas of what that mad man was saying all day. “I just made them up. And from now you’re going to keep every rule I mention in mind” Hanbin answered cockily, sounding too amused probably by the fact that he was controlling me, what a kid. “Including drinking strawberry milk” he added and I groaned but he suddenly got a freaking strawberry milk package from his jacket’s pocket and handed it to me “From where the hell did you get this” “You don’t need to know” was all I got. I pouted and opened the package because did I even have another option. I could only follow what Hanbin says even when he’s just saying whatever comes up first in his head “Hey” Hanbin started again “Hmm” I replied, making a face after taking another sip from the unpleasant beverage in my hand “I’m not trying to sound creepy or I don’t know but that guy you always stay with- what was his name?” “Byungjoo?” “Yeah” “what is it about him” “You… are you guys dating” “No, what makes you think that” “Just saying, because you never really spend time with anyone else but him” “Because he’s my best friend, and my only friend” “What about me” “Are you really comparing” “Sure, why not” I stopped “You’re spending more time with me lately, doesn’t that mean I’m close to you now” Hanbin said and I rolled my eyes in disbelief “So just because you’re bothering me more often lately you think we’re close?” “Don’t close people bother each other” “We’re not close Hanbin. No such thing would ever happen” I muttered. Because really being close to Hanbin in a status other than dating him wasn’t and would never be on my list “Why are you this secretive” he bluntly asked “I’m not secretive. I’m just telling you to not get too interfered with me.” “Then stop doing that.” Hanbin stopped walking and eyed me “I want to get closer to you, more than him.” he added “Byungjoo was also at the amusement park. That’s why I was acting that way before we got on the Ferris wheel.” My jaw dropped as my brain replayed what happened back at the amusement park. If someone was watching from afar they would legit only see a quarrelling couple. And to think that Byungjoo was there, I felt more than horrible. “I think it makes no sense that we’re hanging out but you still saying that we aren’t close. You’re overflowing with secrets. And I hate it.” He snapped and left me dumbfounded. Well fuck.

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #10

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 

“Huh?" 

He’s kidding me. Now he’s got to be kidding me. why would I be tutoring him? And how would that even be beneficial to me? And how would I get mom to accept meeting with a boy in the weekend? And when did he even give a shit about studies in the first place? 

"That’s right” Hanbin put his hands in his pockets.

“Are you crazy mom would never accept” I replied.

“come on mothers love me” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“give me that phone” he said as he snatched the device from my hands.

“Hey!” I tried retrieving my phone back from him as I watched him easily unlocking it And accessing the contacts.

“How do you even know my secret pattern” I asked, still struggling to get my device back.

“You can say I spied" he simply replied.

“Hello Auntie!” Hanbin suddenly said and I realized he had already dialed mom’s number. My jaw dropped as I froze. 

Oh crap. 

I’m doomed. 

“Don’t worry, I’m Hajin’s classmate" 

*oh goodness* 

"Auntie you know how your daughter is a good student and all, and I’m not that good with maths. So I wanted to ask if it was okay if she’d tutor me this weekend…. yeah in my house" 

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CRAZY” I mouthed to Hanbin as I ran to take the phone away from him but he had always been way faster.

“don’t worry my mother will be there. She teaches here and Hajin knows her…. yeah, yeah I’m sure…. it’d be very nice if you accept Auntie please?” Hanbin kept talking and I almost slapped him for the tone he was using, I mean was he just doing aegyo to mom? I’m so getting questioned when I get home. 

“Thanks Auntie! Have a good day!” He finished and hung up.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FREAKING DOING– UGH” I scolded Hanbin as he finally gave me my phone back, the huge idiotic smile never leaving his face. He knew he just threw me in trouble. 

“Booking myself a tutoring session?” Hanbin casually answered, as if it was the most logical thing on earth. God can I slap him. 

“what the hell I’m dead meat tonight” I scoffed and eyed him disgustedly.

“Oh come on she said yes what else could go wrong" 

"My life could go wrong! she was probably being nice just because–” I was cut off by Hanbin literally pinching my lips shut and that’s how I turned into a seal making the weirdest sounds, whining how much it fucking hurt. What the heck goes on his mind when he does stuff like these? And the fact that he was my goddamned freaking crush made it worse since Kim Hanbin was the king of skinship. 

“Rule number one; don’t whine over plotwists.” He said and I looked at him as if he was crazy.

“when life throws lemons at you, you make a lemonade” he explained.

“More like you throw them back at Kim Hanbin” I grumbled and he turned to me.

“See? You can’t even accept a plotwist of lemons then what about real life problems!” Hanbin almost scolded me and I had nothing to say.

“You’re tutoring me and that’s part of the plan. This is your first step, deal with it” he added and left. I huffed and exited the rooftop soon after 

- 

“So who’s that guy who called?" 

"A classmate” I answered mom before taking a bite of my muffin.

“And you really know his mother?" 

"Yeah she taught me before”

“Be careful though” my mother quietly said then took a sip of her coffee 

“Hmm” I replied and went upstairs.

- 

I sighed one more time as I looked down at my outfit; a very plain black skirt matched with a red flannel, black stockings, shoes and purse. I was waiting for Hanbin to appear for about ten minutes now, what a penctual human being.

Clutching my hands tighter against my notebook, I looked around once more for a trace of Kim Hanbin. 

“Hey, let’s go" 

"Hi I’m fine thanks for asking” I scoffed at Hanbin as he came and tried dragging me with him two seconds after. I mean, I swear to God there are other ways to accompany someone other than shoving them everywhere.

“Yeah yeah drop them formalities. the bus is going" 

"Wait what bu—” without even being able to finish Hanbin grabbed my hand and ran towards the bus a few meters away from us. 

Wait. 

Okay what the hell. I was supposed to wait for him here because I didn’t know where he exactly lived. 

This wasn’t how it worked. This wasn’t how any of this worked. But there was something I was sure of and it was that Kim Hanbin needed to stop casually touching me all of a sudden because even though I could say I’m chill with him now my heart still skips a beat whenever he held my hand or touched my cheek. 

“Where the heck are you taking me” I whispered to Hanbin as soon as we were seated down And got my forehead flicked almost immediately.

“remember rule number one” was all I got from him afterwards. I wrinkled my nose at him as I rubbed my sour forehead, hoping Kim Hanbin wasn’t taking me to the infinity and beyond. 

- 

“…You’ve got to be kidding me” I said in disbelief as the two of us stood in front of the huge gates of…. well, Lotte World.

“Such a shame to waste a good day like this studying huh?” Hanbin said giving me the famous ‘ha? Waddaya say?’ Look and I stared at him dumbfounded.

“But what the hell what do I do with this notebook now, and how am I supposed to survive here with a skirt, and why didn’t you even tell me to dress casually–” I started ranting, since I looked more like an emo human being in that colorful place, then soon got cut off by an annoyed Hanbin.

“Rule number one you rascal,” he snapped, “First i swear to god you won’t die holding a notebook inside Lotte World. Second,” he smirked, looking down at my skirt and I gulped, “don’t worry I’m a gentleman I don’t look under skirts” Hanbin added and soon got hit on the arm, but finished talking nevertheless, “ouch, and third I wouldn’t mind even if you came in your pajamas to be honest." 

Long story short, Hanbin dragged me around every game around there, an excited him and an ever so done me. 

"Its about time we ride this” he said as soon as we stepped out of the spinning cups, me still stumbling to regain my balance. I looked up to where he was staring and my brain broke the emergency button. The roller coaster. 

“No no no no wait wait no no look we’re NOT riding this” I told Hanbin as I tried to stop him from walking towards the game, which he seemed not to be bothered by at all. Gosh why the heck was he that built up. 

“Why not” he simply replied.

“Because I’m so dying up there and you’re going to pay my funeral and tomb fees then get jailed after" 

"Stop with the nonsense” Hanbin finally uttered after having enough of my whining, reaching the boarding platform.

I stopped at my tracks, “No I’m not getting in I swear Kim Hanbi–” I suddenly shrieked as Mister super gentleman literally held me by my waist and threw me on the chair, taking a seat immediately after to stop me from escaping. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to pass out at that moment. Not only because I was living my last few minutes before the ride started, but also because Kim Hanbin was so fucking touchy he needed a slap on the face, or someone to tie him to a chair and punch him, punch him multiple times. And the latter sounded more pleasant. 

I would bet all of Steve Jobs’ money everyone was not only staring at us, but also judging, and thinking we were together. The last one didn’t sound too bad but it wasn’t true so it was the worst. If he did this to me I wonder what Mirae is facing.. 

“Oh fuck” I whispered as soon as the machine started advancing more and more towards the peak, tightly gripping on the railing as if my life depended on it; well, at some point, it did. 

“WAIT I NEED A COUNTDOWN” I almost yelled to Hanbin since we were reaching the summit and everyone was screaming by that time and I sure as heck wasn’t ready for whatever was coming next.

“RULE NUMBER TWO: FORGET ABOUT ONE TWO THREE” he yelled back like a mad man and threw his hands in the air, a huge smile on his face as the machine took a dramatic shoot to the bottom. 

I shut my eyes and screamed my lungs out. 

#11

2-6

2: what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Probably anything I wrote in my awkward era aka cringey af fics from middle school *is disgusted*6:  something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowIt's probably the characters. Since I use Kpop idols names, for example I thought earlier of changing L.I.E's main character from Hanbin of iKON to Seyong of Myname bc I thought for a second that the role would suit him more, but then I said to myself that the story is like halfway through and I can't change such a thing now.Thanks for asking ! Have a great day

here is a loving hugging bear for those who are struggling now.

❤     ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ      ❤

Her

“I’m afraid of her. She’s always there. She tells me I’m ugly and stupid, and appears whenever I feel good about myself to prove me wrong. I’m really afraid of her She even appears in my dreams, when I close my eyes I see her, when I open them too. I have no idea when would she appear. And it’s scary. She is scary. And i want her to leave me alone. But she will never do. She will kill me one day and that is for sure” “Who is she” “Me. I am really afraid of myself. I am really afraid that I can’t stand myself, I am really afraid to even close by eyes because I’d see her . Does that even make sense?” “Bin-ah, I really don’t want to be scared of myself I really want to love myself Bin-ah, Please save me.”

L.I.E: Love is Exacting #8

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7

"I feel saturated and.. I'm just sick of everything"

"Don't you think it's the right time for you to stop all of this" Hanbin asked in a serious tone and I looked up at him; clueless "You're destroying your own self as every second passes by. Just put an end to it. Who cares how you look or what you do? You're just you. Why would they judge you for being yourself? What is it that they have more than you that makes you think they're better? They're just them too. Not more not less. I think you're more jealous of the fact they manage to be themselves" he added in a matter of fact tone and I couldn't say that he wasn't right. "Because everyone's naturally cool, and then there is me, pretending to. All of them out there are pretty, cute, smart, perfect without even trying. And I'm just... I just want to experience that at least once" I didn't know what was it, but something made me spill everything in front of Hanbin. it's like he had some key to make me admit everything without feeling burdened or uncomfortable. "experience what" Hanbin asked, and I felt like he was trying to get something particular out of my mouth "being satisfied with myself for just one day" I replied honestly, avoiding looking at him in the eyes because his gaze was seriously tempting. Almost terrifying. As if he was warning me not to dare and lie to him. And I didn't. "what is your image of satisfying then" he insisted and I stayed quiet. This took me off guard. And I almost slapped myself after realizing I never really thought of this.   "see? You don't even have an answer. You know why?" Hanbin sighed and I bit my lip, it felt more like he was scolding me, "look idiot, you might not believe me but I don't care. All of these girls you're claiming to be pretty and smart and other stuff I can't process, all of them, are envious of you for having these, all of them rant all day long about how nice your sense of fashion is whatsoever... and it becomes annoying sometimes honestly because I have no interest in all of this" he admitted "How do you even know" I grumbled, come on, he wasn't going to be this lame, was he? "Ahem, you're talking to Kim Hanbin here" He simply reasoned, as if his name was sort of FBI or some trusted source. But it made some sense since he was always around girls, and some even share their gossips with him. I sighed. "Some people just grow to be a contradiction of what they want to be. They become perfectionists. And their image of perfect is anyone else but them" "--And they end up suiciding or overtaking pills due to low self esteem" Hanbin interrupted. I looked at him and we locked eyes. "Bet you don't want to end up like this" I looked away. I wasn't going to end up like this. I totally wasn't. I was mentally capable enough not to harm myself. Hanbin was just bullshitting about the stories bandied about in newspapers. "Think about this" he finally said before he got up and left. - Days passed and I never talked to Hanbin after that, but his words were still stuck in my head. I kept thinking of all of what he said and it was quite uncomfortable. Because the more I thought of it the more I believed he was mentally unstable. Yet deep down inside a part of me knew he was right. And as much as I tried to deny it, I needed Hanbin's help, whatever it was. and that is how I found myself sitting on my desk waiting for everyone to get out to talk to Hanbin. When I was sure no one was inside the classroom except a sleeping Hanbin -which I didn't care about- I rolled my eyes once more at whatever stupid act I was about to do and marched my way towards his desk in the far end of the room. "Yah" I hesitantly called "Hmm.." was all what I got from the boy, he didn't even move a muscle. Tsk. I cursed under my breathe. As if this wasn't already hard enough. Frustrated I directed a kick towards his tibia and he jumped up from his seat, his head perked up to see who was it. Groaning in pain or more like whining like a toddler Hanbin put his head back on his desk, eyes closed. "Yah I need to talk to you" I said in  restraint tone, hoping he'd notice my existence fully this time. "Just five more minutes.." Hanbin almost begged and I tried my best keeping in the back of my head how cute he sounded and how much I wanted to squeeze his puffed cheeks and--- okay. "Just five more minutes and I'd be halfway home" "Then just one.." he grumbled again and I rolled my eyes, he sure was in a whole other world. 4:34PM my phone indicated, "there, your minute passed" I informed Hanbin and he finally opened his holy graced eyes and lazily got up and leaned on his chair "What makes you wake me up this cruelly" a sleepy Hanbin murmured as he rubbed his eye "classes are done and you had to wake up anyways don't make me the bad guy here" I stated "Whatever, what do you want, and why are you talking to me in class" Hanbin questioned in full puzzlement and I realized we had never talked in class. It was like we were strangers when both of us stepped in. And I was weirdly glad he still treated me the same way, because I didn't want any of my classmates questioning shit. "Because no one is here, idiot. Look, I-I.. I have something to tell you" yes Hajin, what would you like to do else to make it sound more like a confession? Blush? Check. "What is it" Hanbin replied, more awake now "About what you said the other day. I was wondering if you... would you--" I halted as I heard someone opening the door wider and getting in. It was Byungjoo. And he eyed us both weirdly. Awkward. "What is happening here" Byungjoo asked, his tone curious and scary at the same time as he looked between me and Hanbin. "Nothing" I smiled up to him, "Don't forget to get your essay done by tomorrow Kim Hanbin, huh?" I randomly bluffed to Hanbin to make sure Byungjoo wasn't the least suspicious. Because as class president I had the authority to remind students of their homework, exam dates, and other boring stuff. "Let's go" I told Byungjoo and we both exited the room, with me ignoring the fact that Hanbin's gaze was digging holes against my back.

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