Why Your Wife Needs A Big Cock…

Might need this sometime...

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

How To Ask Her To Become A Slutwife

There are only 2 ways that a wife can become a slutwife.

The first is initiated internally, within her. Internal drive is something inside of her makes her desire to sleep with another man, to have attention from another, to seek a relationship outside of marriage. Internal drive is often the cause of cheating and also a great indicator of slutwife potential. Internal drive is absolutely necessary for a good slutwife.

The second is initiated by external influence. External influence is done by things that influence her internal drive and eventually make her seek the attention of another man and look at the possibility of sleeping with another. External influence can lead to cheating when the husband is not involved, but can lead to a very good slutwife/cuck style relationship when the husband is very involved.

That being said, you can safely assume that her internal drive needs to be kicked in, while simultaneously being a big part of her external influence, in order to get the slutwife of your dreams.

Now, there is only one realistic way of activating her internal drive and being her biggest external influence, you have to ask her to be your slutwife. Why? Because if her internal drive was raging, she would have asked you or already be cheating on you. If that is the case, you don’t need much from this post. For everyone else, it will be up to you to make it happen. You have to push forward.

When people ask me during private conversations, this is usually the biggest hurdle they have trouble getting over. How to ask?

Asking out of the blue can be very intimidating to most, because that is what most envision asking the question. In reality, there are many ways to lead-up to asking the question and warm her up to the idea. Here we will cover a few.

1. Let’s Watch Porn - Contrary to what some think, women can enjoy porn as much as men, they just perceive things differently. We have a natural curiosity towards sexuality and anything taboo, so exploring through porn is very common. Set up some time with your partner to explore porn together. Find out what she is curious about, see if there is something on her mind. If she mentions something, explore that topic. If she doesn’t know, guide her towards your goals. Topics like hotwife, threesome, size queens, and BBC are good starting points. When watching a video on a hotwife, mention how hot you think the scenario is and how much it turns you on. If watching BBC type video, mention how hot you think it looks watching a white woman being a slut for a black man, how black men seem better equipped for porn, and how they seem to have better endurance/stamina. Remember, regardless of the topic, only explore one topic at a time, give her mind time to absorb the idea. Towards the end of the video when you are both feeling hot, mention how you think she could do things better than the girl in the video, to give her a perspective of herself in that situation. Finish by giving her some very pleasurable sex and saying that you can’t wait to set up another night like that. This type of activity will open up the floor for bringing up the idea of her having sex with another man after doing it a few times.

2. Someone hit on her - If you are with a woman who’s looks rate anything above a 1, chances are she will be getting hit on at some point. You may witness it, or she may tell you about it some time later. The point is to be excited about it when she tells you, and ask her to give you every detail. You can then proceed to eat her out and give her a proper orgasm as you mention little suggestions where she could have done more. (Little things are her smiling more when she gets hit on, giving her phone number, adding him on facebook, wearing something slightly more revealing, etc.) This will teach her that you are cool with her having attention from other men, it turns you on, and that you think about her taking it slightly further. By eating her out while talking about it, it aligns these experiences with other good and pleasurable experiences, thus building a correlation between being hit on and pleasure. This opens up the doors for her to seek more attention and eventually pushing further. As far as asking her to be a slutwife when the time comes, you can go back to one of these scenarios and mention how you imagine her going all the way, how hot the idea sounds, and what are her thoughts on doing it in real life.

3. Asking her to Show Off More - You can always ask your wife to show off a bit more, then compliment her on how hot she looks. This doesn’t mean asking her to go full slutmode right off the bat (we will cover more on how to get her there in another post). You will simply ask her to show off a bit more. For example, have her pull her blouse down to show off a bit more cleavage, or let her skirt ride a bit higher than normal. Go out with her and mention how sexy she looked, how you caught a few guys staring, and how much it turns you on. This will no doubt bring a “Aren’t you jealous?” Your reply will be that you are not because you love her, know that she is yours, and that it turns you on when other guys admire your sexy wife. Tell her how proud you are to show off how sexy she is and that you do not believe you should keep such a beauty all to yourself. Over time, as you get her to dress sexier and she becomes more comfortable, this will set things up for the slutwife topic (More on that soon).

4. The Sex Shop Experience-Another way to ease her into talking about her becoming a slutwife is by taking her to an adult store. Not into a cheap small store that looks raunchy, go into an adult megaplex with a variety of stuff. The two of you will go on a date to explore different sexual kinks and to simply look around. While there, see if she is curious about anything in particular, costumes, toys, bondage, etc. and go with it. No one should know her kinks better than you, so go with it. If she is following your lead, start by going to the dvd section and explore your fantasy. Show her some BBC/3 some/ or slutwife DVD and tell her how it looks really interesting. Ask her what she thinks about it. Move on to the costumes and ask her which she finds sexiest. Go with her answers and suggest something sexy yourself, than have her visualize herself wearing it. If its something she could pull off on Halloween, mention how she should wear it on Halloween and turn some heads. Go to the toys section and see if any catch her interest. Go with it. Then point out some large dildos as well. Have her hold them and ask her how she thinks one would feel inside of her if she took her time to ease it in. Tell her how much it would turn you on to see her take one. You should aim to buy something that interests her from each section, to show her how much you lover her sexuality and want her to explore it. At the same time, you are dropping small hints as to your desires and feeling out her interests.

5. Who Would You Sleep With?-You will ask the question that if she could have sex with any one person in the world with zero consequences, who it would be. She may likely choose a celebrity. If she can speak about it openly, ask her to name another. Have her pick out about 3. If she insists that she couldn’t, then tell her that if she had to, due to a life and death situation, who would she choose. You can also apply a world catastrophe situation where you are gone and she is needed yo help repopulate the world and she has her pick of men. The only point here is to get her to talk about how she would have sex with other men. She may counter by asking you who you would sleep with. You will respond with a girl you have seen in porn as a hotwife, going black, doing a gangbang, etc. and you will say that because you would think back and ask her about that scene she did and it would really turn you on.

6. What is your Fantasy?- Last but not least, ask her what her fantasies are. It is important that you know her fantasies and curiosities if you don’t already. If you have done some of the stuff above, you might have done enough to get her curious about the hotwife scenarios, BBC, huge cocks, threesomes, etc. if not, just get to know her fantasies. When she asks about yours, this is where you tell her. Your fantasy is for her to be a sexy slutwife. Remember that you are not demanding anything, you are informing how hot you find the idea. (Go back to post #1) there is a chance she may be into it and willing to explore it further. If not, tell her how you would still like to roleplay that along with her own fantasies.

With the tools above, you should be able to ease into letting her know you love the idea of her becoming a slutwife and gives you a set up to gauge her interests. It also serves towards becoming her biggest external influence and could possibly kick in her internal drive, This on it’s own may not be the home-run, but it certainly sets things up to get her to fulfill your fantasy.

Being a Dom

In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot.  Being a Dom can seem very appealing.  Men often want to be more dominant sexually in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general. However, there is a new wave of women who are finally realising they too can be dominant and guess what, they can often do it well.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of fake Doms out there.  How can you make sure you’re not acting like one?  Or if you’re a submissive, what should you look for in a Dom?  Let’s consider what it truly means to be a real Dom.

What a Dominant isn’t

To start, let’s focus on some of the warning signs of a bad or fake Dom.  If they focus only on what they are getting than what they are giving that is a huge clue.  Of course the nature of a Dom should be somewhat selfish but they should also always make sure that the sub is satisfied not just sexually, but emotionally and physically too.  But just like any relationship, trust needs to be earned.  A fake Dom may say things like, “You’re not really a sub,” or, “A good sub would do XYZ.”  If you’re a sub, don’t fall for it.  And if you’re a Dom, don’t say things like that unless the sub consents to being talked to that way.  Real emotional harm can be done.A real Dom is dominant at all times, not just when it suits them.

What is a Dom?

The definition of a Dominant is an important, powerful person who likes to be in charge.  They crave obedience and need to be in control.  They tend to be the “Alpha Male/Female,” and that is why “Dom” is always spelled with a capital while “sub” is always lowercase.  

They strive to exercise control in all things, not just over their sub sexually.  This means that they have order in their own personal lives.  It is not uncommon for a Dom to have an obsessive-compulsive personality. They take great pride in their health, their homes, vehicles, and jobs, knowing these all reflect on them. The Dom takes responsibility for the wellbeing and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of their sub.  The Dom also maintains a stable and safe environment in which their sub may perform their duties in service of the Dom.

Doms are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time.  They can still apologize without appearing weak by just admitting what they did wrong and what they will do to fix it.  Doms shouldn’t lose their temper.  They can get mad and angry but they should always strive to be in control.  Another challenge a female Dom may face is going against society’s rules of being kind and gentle as is expected of the fairer sex.  They’re supposed to be the “nice girl.”  Many women find it hard to be assertive in bed because of this. Bullshit, the world has changed. They may feel guilty always taking, but a Dom needs to remember that subs want and need to be used to serve. The more a Dom demands of their sub, the happier the sub will be. That doesn’t mean that a Dom can’t be giving in bed, but just being  assertive in that part of the relationship will help them fulfil their role.  Ways a Dom can do this in a sexual context are:

Holding their sub down during sex

Tying up their sub in bed so they are restrained

Telling their sub what to do sexually instead of asking

Delaying their sub’s orgasm to show they are in control of it

Another challenge new Doms have to overcome is being afraid of being too strict and hard on their sub with punishments. If anything, I think I get off too easily sometimes. Remember I crave the approval of my Dom and want to be punished when I have disappointed her.

How to be more Dominant

A Dom’s body language and speech need to be powerful and in control. Doms should have good posture and stand tall, being above the sub, often making them sit below them or kneel.  A Dom should also talk confidently and be direct.  They shouldn’t ever ask, “Where would you like to go to dinner?”  They would say, “We are going out to dinner.  Do you have any preference before I decide where?”. One of my favourite things my Mistress does is tell me to make her coffee or fetch a drink.  When we were vanilla she would ask me, “Do you think you can make me coffee please?”  Now she just tells me to do it and it always puts a smile on my face to perform this simple task for her. Watch and see how happy your sub will be to serve you.

How does a Dom train a sub?

Training a sub is a lot of work and not to be taken lightly.  It is a very rewarding process though. When a Dom trains a sub they are moulding them to be a better version of themselves.  Behaviour modification is achieved through maintaining strict consistent structure and order.  subs thrive on a set routine and rules and protocols can help a Dom provide that.  The sub should keep a journal so the Dom can get inside their head.  Punishments are usually necessary to help guide and correct them, as is praise.  It takes constant effort, but It is a beautiful thing when the sub becomes exactly what the Dom desires.

True Dominance is not just a role, it is a way of life.  Being a Dominant means they are held to a higher standard, but it is all worth it.  They will receive the ultimate gift of a sub’s willing submission.  ♥

Understanding Mismatched Libidos in Heterosexual Relationships

In most long term heterosexual relationships, there is an inevitable drop in the frequency of sex. Unfortunately, the ‘lust’ and spontaneity that defined early parts of the relationship get pushed aside in the face of the more ‘practical’ side of a long term marriage - finances, work, chores, children… the list goes on.

On top of this, most women typically have a lower sex drive than men in long-term monogamous relationships. This is often described as a “mismatched libido” - a situation where the male is craving sexual interaction and the female is not feeling the same urge - or, at least - not with the same frequency. Subtle cues that one partner is ‘not in the mood’ will often discourage the other partner from even probing for physical affection in the first place. In these cases, it is common for the male to feel sexually under-utilized or under-engaged.

This mismatched libido situation often leads to two of the most common sexual mood-killers in long-term relationships:

The male begging you for sex, which is a huge turnoff for you

Giving the male sex because you feel ‘bad’, which is a huge turnoff for him

Also, less frequent ejaculation makes lovemaking far more difficult for the male as increased sensitivity and pent up ‘horniness’ is a recipe for premature ejaculation and performance anxiety which can make the male hesitant to initiate. To counter this, males will turn to masturbation and pornography - both of which increase the production of the sexual ‘shut-off’ hormone, prolactin, which makes the male significantly less likely to be responsive and affectionate to their partner. Males who are masturbating frequently will often appear irritable or ‘grumpy’ as a result of these courting hormones being suppressed. It’s easy to see how these combining factors lead toward a vicious-cycle of sexual decline.

A Solution: Aligning to the Male Hormonal Cycle

As a biological reality, trying to increase the female libido is not a realistic solution to this issue. It is much more effective to manage the libido imbalance from the male’s side.

This is done by aligning the male’s orgasm frequency with their typical sexual hormonal cycle. Luckily, the timings of this cycle are fairly predictable and well understood. It typically works as follows:

Directly post-orgasm: Males experience a 'drop' caused by a rush of prolactin - an energy and oxytocin (courting, cuddling, compliance hormone) suppressant.

3-5 days post-orgasm: Prolactin starts to return to normal levels.

You may notice the typical "3 day itch" where he's grouchy or irritable. He's highly likely to want to masturbate in this period to get the endorphin rush to offset his slump. He could ask you to unlock him - if so, he's testing your commitment. Tell him he’s doing well and to push a little longer. A little teasing or attention will get him through.

5-21 days post-orgasm: Oxytocin levels start to increase.

You will start to notice a glorious, loving, caring - even obedient version of your male! His desire for you will escalate through this period.

21+ days post-orgasm: Oxytocin production starts to plateau and stabilize.

More of the same, but after 21 days the dramatic increase will subside, although the levels don't drop off necessarily.

This is why many believe that the 21 days mark is the ideal minimum point at which to allow male release, effectively pushing the reset button for the cycle to start again. This alignment to the male’s hormonal cycle is the essence of what is broadly known as Male Orgasm Control.

Implementing Male Orgasm Control

Now for the fun bit - for you and him! The most obvious, but often neglected part of initiating a more structured sexual relationship in this way is communication. Whether this is your idea initially, or his, is irrelevant. Communicating openly and honestly will set the parameters for the thriving sexual journey ahead.

This starts by collectively agreeing to place the male’s orgasms under her control. Setting this, and other rules, as well as a clear structure (even schedule) will be the first part of the journey, after which you will adjust as you see fit.

For example:

Schedule release windows: perhaps a day of the week every 18-21+ days. This is suprisingly useful in long term relationships as it keeps you both on track!

The male is to agree to have no orgasm outside of this window. You (or he) may wish him to wear a chastity device during time, which has a variety of benefits (see below).

Remain intimate with kissing, cuddling, teasing, massage throughout the cycle. This is spontaneous and unplanned intimacy that is at the heart of bonding as a couple.

On release day, give him permission to orgasm. This may be during sex, you may wish to give him a handjob, BJ, touchless orgasm, caged orgasm or simply ask him to masturbate to climax.

5. The cycle begins again!

It’s as simple as that! Orgasm control is in essence about providing a structure and ‘game’ element to your sexual relationship that addresses the key issues of mismatched libidos. For him, the game is one that gives him focus, attention and satiates his need to be desired, in alignment with his sexual hormonal cycle. For you, it balances the libido differences that so often cause misalignment, and gives you clarity, structure and fun sense of control which you will both find hugely rewarding and exciting.

Commit to it!

Something crucial to note at this point: this journey succeeds only if you, as the female, commit to it. Whether you introduced this to your partner or the other way around, if your male is locked in a chastity cage, he is committed to make it work! There will be times when he's super into it, and times when he madly wishes he could unlock and jerk off - but he can't - you have the key.

What he needs is reciprocation from your side - committing to the process, acknowledging and embracing your control, and never simply 'lock and forget'.

Set the schedule

Control (hide) the key

Set some rules

Follow through!

The benefits for you are:

His behavior will change as he, even on a hormonal level, will be trying to 'seduce' you and please you

There is no pressure for you to ‘be in the mood’ outside of the release schedule… there will be no 'nagging' / begging for sex from his side, which is a big turnoff.

He will have more sexual energy for you, which you can direct however you choose - even towards non-sexual things like home tasks, keeping fit and sexy for you… be creative!

The element of control can be lots of fun - for both of you!

The benefits for him are:

Increased energy and focus

Clarity regarding the structure of your sexual relationship, rather than constant 'hope / disappointment' of the libido imbalance

Sex is not the focus, so even small things like verbal cues or physical touch and teasing are sufficient and very pleasurable for him. In the 5-21 day period, the male is climbing towards peak arousal. Any sexual interaction - kissing, touching, massaging, foreplay - will be totally electric for him. In many ways, the orgasm itself becomes secondary.

The release, when it comes, is totally mind blowing for him.

The Case for the Cage

It is often surprising for female partners to learn that in most cases, the process of male orgasm control is significantly improved for the male when a chastity cage is used. Some key reasons are:

Discipline:

Firstly, and most obviously, the cage makes it impossible for him to masturbate outside of the release window. Many males have NEVER gone 21 days without orgasm since they had their first one in their teens! This is the training aid that they need to align to the new schedule.

Zero Erections:

Another key reason is that having regular erections without stimulation and release is extremely frustrating for the male. It is effectively like making a fresh cup of coffee and allowing him to smell it, but never allowing him to taste. Locking him up effectively and painlessly prevents erections, which means he is not getting to smell the coffee in the first place - at least until he is allowed to do something about it in the release window.

Decreased Sensitivity:

The cage also prevents access to the most sensitive part of his nub (the frenulum), which means this is not constantly being simulated unintentionally during movement, sleep etc. This frustration can result in whining, sleep disruptions and begging for sex, which really defeats the purpose.

Arousal:

Finally, a chastity cage should be understood as a tool which provides a constant reminder of the shared sexual experience between you and him. Without any effort on your part, you as the keyholder are driving him wild (in a good way!) every time he thinks of sex - whether in a staff meeting, driving to work, at the supermarket or on a running trail. The sexual charge is highly exhilarating. Try it on for size 😉.

Conclusions

In a nutshell, Male Orgasm Control is the simplest, most effective and fun way to help us bridge the gap between nature’s mismatched libidos. Talk about it with your partner, define the parameters and enjoy the journey towards blissful sexual alignment!

The Best Cuckold Cock Cage?

So I get asked a lot….

I get asked this question an awful lot. What cage do you recommend. So I thought I would post a little article explaining so I do not have to repeat myself.

Metal cages.

I would always recommend metal cages, firstly they look nicer, shiny locked cocks are always more appealing to the eye. Also this is so much more hygenic and easier for cleaning without the need for release.

Solid base ring.

I obviously do not know this from first hand experience but in the early stages of my partner trying to find the perfect fit, any hinged ring would always cause a nasty chafing issue under his ball sack. Any little lump bump or gap in a ring will cause issues. A nice solid smooth ring is the way to go…. I do not care if you have to squeeze your balls to fit them through the ring this is your problem not mine.

Cage length.

I recommend small cages, not because I want to shrink your penis…. That cannot happen I’m afraid. It is for your benifits. If your penis has no room to expand the erection will be stopped in its tracks, if you have even a slight bit of room the erection will continue, once blood has started going to the penis I’m afraid there is no stopping the party….. This will cause the cage to pull on your balls…. Sounds fun doesn’t it? It is for me, but if you wish to have a good night’s sleep then I’m afraid your out of luck because a normal man has a few erections during the night, so instead of just been woken in the morning you will has broken sleep for the duration of your lockup.

Plastic devices.

In our past experience anything over 3 days in a plastic device which has limited cleaning holes begins to smell and this is awfully off putting so I would say stay clear and stick to metal. The only bonus of say the cb600 range is the multiple ring sizes you can choose from, but again plastic equals problems.

Padlocks vs magic locks.

Both have their merits, I can also arrange a lock to suit both, I like knowing I have the only keys so you can’t escape, magic locks are the most sleek and low profile but I like to know wherever you walk you will have to disguise the noise of the lock clicking on my property.