T&D Primer

I need to try all of these...

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dominant (Source: sunnymegatron.com)

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: hisdarlinggirl.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

Understanding Mismatched Libidos in Heterosexual Relationships

In most long term heterosexual relationships, there is an inevitable drop in the frequency of sex. Unfortunately, the ‘lust’ and spontaneity that defined early parts of the relationship get pushed aside in the face of the more ‘practical’ side of a long term marriage - finances, work, chores, children… the list goes on.

On top of this, most women typically have a lower sex drive than men in long-term monogamous relationships. This is often described as a “mismatched libido” - a situation where the male is craving sexual interaction and the female is not feeling the same urge - or, at least - not with the same frequency. Subtle cues that one partner is ‘not in the mood’ will often discourage the other partner from even probing for physical affection in the first place. In these cases, it is common for the male to feel sexually under-utilized or under-engaged.

This mismatched libido situation often leads to two of the most common sexual mood-killers in long-term relationships:

The male begging you for sex, which is a huge turnoff for you

Giving the male sex because you feel ‘bad’, which is a huge turnoff for him

Also, less frequent ejaculation makes lovemaking far more difficult for the male as increased sensitivity and pent up ‘horniness’ is a recipe for premature ejaculation and performance anxiety which can make the male hesitant to initiate. To counter this, males will turn to masturbation and pornography - both of which increase the production of the sexual ‘shut-off’ hormone, prolactin, which makes the male significantly less likely to be responsive and affectionate to their partner. Males who are masturbating frequently will often appear irritable or ‘grumpy’ as a result of these courting hormones being suppressed. It’s easy to see how these combining factors lead toward a vicious-cycle of sexual decline.

A Solution: Aligning to the Male Hormonal Cycle

As a biological reality, trying to increase the female libido is not a realistic solution to this issue. It is much more effective to manage the libido imbalance from the male’s side.

This is done by aligning the male’s orgasm frequency with their typical sexual hormonal cycle. Luckily, the timings of this cycle are fairly predictable and well understood. It typically works as follows:

Directly post-orgasm: Males experience a 'drop' caused by a rush of prolactin - an energy and oxytocin (courting, cuddling, compliance hormone) suppressant.

3-5 days post-orgasm: Prolactin starts to return to normal levels.

You may notice the typical "3 day itch" where he's grouchy or irritable. He's highly likely to want to masturbate in this period to get the endorphin rush to offset his slump. He could ask you to unlock him - if so, he's testing your commitment. Tell him he’s doing well and to push a little longer. A little teasing or attention will get him through.

5-21 days post-orgasm: Oxytocin levels start to increase.

You will start to notice a glorious, loving, caring - even obedient version of your male! His desire for you will escalate through this period.

21+ days post-orgasm: Oxytocin production starts to plateau and stabilize.

More of the same, but after 21 days the dramatic increase will subside, although the levels don't drop off necessarily.

This is why many believe that the 21 days mark is the ideal minimum point at which to allow male release, effectively pushing the reset button for the cycle to start again. This alignment to the male’s hormonal cycle is the essence of what is broadly known as Male Orgasm Control.

Implementing Male Orgasm Control

Now for the fun bit - for you and him! The most obvious, but often neglected part of initiating a more structured sexual relationship in this way is communication. Whether this is your idea initially, or his, is irrelevant. Communicating openly and honestly will set the parameters for the thriving sexual journey ahead.

This starts by collectively agreeing to place the male’s orgasms under her control. Setting this, and other rules, as well as a clear structure (even schedule) will be the first part of the journey, after which you will adjust as you see fit.

For example:

Schedule release windows: perhaps a day of the week every 18-21+ days. This is suprisingly useful in long term relationships as it keeps you both on track!

The male is to agree to have no orgasm outside of this window. You (or he) may wish him to wear a chastity device during time, which has a variety of benefits (see below).

Remain intimate with kissing, cuddling, teasing, massage throughout the cycle. This is spontaneous and unplanned intimacy that is at the heart of bonding as a couple.

On release day, give him permission to orgasm. This may be during sex, you may wish to give him a handjob, BJ, touchless orgasm, caged orgasm or simply ask him to masturbate to climax.

5. The cycle begins again!

It’s as simple as that! Orgasm control is in essence about providing a structure and ‘game’ element to your sexual relationship that addresses the key issues of mismatched libidos. For him, the game is one that gives him focus, attention and satiates his need to be desired, in alignment with his sexual hormonal cycle. For you, it balances the libido differences that so often cause misalignment, and gives you clarity, structure and fun sense of control which you will both find hugely rewarding and exciting.

Commit to it!

Something crucial to note at this point: this journey succeeds only if you, as the female, commit to it. Whether you introduced this to your partner or the other way around, if your male is locked in a chastity cage, he is committed to make it work! There will be times when he's super into it, and times when he madly wishes he could unlock and jerk off - but he can't - you have the key.

What he needs is reciprocation from your side - committing to the process, acknowledging and embracing your control, and never simply 'lock and forget'.

Set the schedule

Control (hide) the key

Set some rules

Follow through!

The benefits for you are:

His behavior will change as he, even on a hormonal level, will be trying to 'seduce' you and please you

There is no pressure for you to ‘be in the mood’ outside of the release schedule… there will be no 'nagging' / begging for sex from his side, which is a big turnoff.

He will have more sexual energy for you, which you can direct however you choose - even towards non-sexual things like home tasks, keeping fit and sexy for you… be creative!

The element of control can be lots of fun - for both of you!

The benefits for him are:

Increased energy and focus

Clarity regarding the structure of your sexual relationship, rather than constant 'hope / disappointment' of the libido imbalance

Sex is not the focus, so even small things like verbal cues or physical touch and teasing are sufficient and very pleasurable for him. In the 5-21 day period, the male is climbing towards peak arousal. Any sexual interaction - kissing, touching, massaging, foreplay - will be totally electric for him. In many ways, the orgasm itself becomes secondary.

The release, when it comes, is totally mind blowing for him.

The Case for the Cage

It is often surprising for female partners to learn that in most cases, the process of male orgasm control is significantly improved for the male when a chastity cage is used. Some key reasons are:

Discipline:

Firstly, and most obviously, the cage makes it impossible for him to masturbate outside of the release window. Many males have NEVER gone 21 days without orgasm since they had their first one in their teens! This is the training aid that they need to align to the new schedule.

Zero Erections:

Another key reason is that having regular erections without stimulation and release is extremely frustrating for the male. It is effectively like making a fresh cup of coffee and allowing him to smell it, but never allowing him to taste. Locking him up effectively and painlessly prevents erections, which means he is not getting to smell the coffee in the first place - at least until he is allowed to do something about it in the release window.

Decreased Sensitivity:

The cage also prevents access to the most sensitive part of his nub (the frenulum), which means this is not constantly being simulated unintentionally during movement, sleep etc. This frustration can result in whining, sleep disruptions and begging for sex, which really defeats the purpose.

Arousal:

Finally, a chastity cage should be understood as a tool which provides a constant reminder of the shared sexual experience between you and him. Without any effort on your part, you as the keyholder are driving him wild (in a good way!) every time he thinks of sex - whether in a staff meeting, driving to work, at the supermarket or on a running trail. The sexual charge is highly exhilarating. Try it on for size 😉.

Conclusions

In a nutshell, Male Orgasm Control is the simplest, most effective and fun way to help us bridge the gap between nature’s mismatched libidos. Talk about it with your partner, define the parameters and enjoy the journey towards blissful sexual alignment!

Edging and Orgasm Denial Techniques

Stumbled on a good resource on Medium.com I thought worth sharing:

One of the hardest things about male chastity is actually getting your man to stop himself from cumming.

My husband and I, have found a simple way to do this. First comes the strategy, and then there is are specific tactics within the strategy.

The strategy is easy: he’s found it’s easier for him not to have an orgasm when he imagines it as a ‘cliff’ he’s going to go over.

And once he knows where that ‘edge’ is, then it’s much easier to back away from it (obviously); but it’s also easier then to avoid with subsequent edging. That’s the really important thing because it means we can make love and play for a long time without having to worry about him being too excited to carry on without having an orgasm.

The trick (he says) is knowing how to find the edge, recognise it when it’s approaching and not go flying over it in his enthusiasm.

So now we come to the orgasm denial tactics.

Remember: the point of ‘no return’ is the edge.

So as he’s approaching it he mentally maps his orgasm and how far he is from it onto a path to the edge of the cliff. He literally sees this path in his mind’s eye and imagines himself walking along it.

Now, if you’re going to ask me exactly how he does this, I can’t answer because I’m not in his head. But this is how he describes it to me and I can say two things for sure:

It takes practice. And you’re better erring on the side of ‘safety’.

It works. The chances of him cumming when he’s not supposed to are vanishingly small now. This is A Good Thing, for two reasons: first, we can have a lot more fun and do more things without worrying; and secondly, it makes my teasing of him much more worthwhile because I can push him further.

By working as a team it’s possible for me to take him to that edge and back over and over again before calling it a day.

And like anything, the more you do it, the better at it you’re going to get.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking all or even most of the fun of chastity is to be found in tease and denial, because if you’re not serving her desires and worshiping her body then you’re missing out on some of the most exquisite torture you can imagine. My favorite rapidly became the strapon — almost as good as the real thing and certainly good enough for long term orgasm denial.

Bottom line: your man does not need to orgasm.

He may want to, and there are reasons you might sometimes allow it (and some fiendish ways of doing it for him), but when it comes down to it he doesn’t need to orgasm, ever.

Link here.

The Submissive Conundrum

As a lifelong submissive, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your very down-to-earth writing. I have been alone for a long time because of an inability to find a truly dominant woman. Any suggestions would be welcomed.

Answer:

I get this question a lot. Well, more than a lot. There is a whole world of submissive men out there that really can’t seem to find a dominant female. Now First of all, yes, this type of relationship is definitely not the social norm. So it’s really important to understand that many women, simply don’t advertise that they’re dominant unless they’re a pro-domme. It does not mean there is a lack of dominant women in the world. They’re just not flaunting it with leather and heels, because that’s just not comfortable for daily life.

The biggest problem most submissive males have, is that they continue to search for a dominant woman online and really don’t look anywhere offline, because they’re like either one of two things.

1. They are too upfront about their submissive side, and push it onto every woman they meet, who gets completely turned off the idea, even if she might be dominant curious and not know it. How it’s presented to a potential female partner, whether in person or online, really matters. If you’re admitting you like to wear panties and sniff feet…… You’re not really sending out the signal that you’re a good candidate for a long term relationship that promises a good future. Instead, you’re just seen as a sissy foot fetish weirdo that makes her feel obligated to entertain. This obligation is a turn off, and typically ends the relationship before it even starts.

2. They are too shy about their submissive side, and never tell anyone for any reason ever, because they’re trying to protect their fragile masculinity, while at the same time desperate want to break it.  This leads to a submissive always being in limbo, and aloof. Always indecisive and lacking in confidence. Which tends to lead to vanilla relationships, if she can get past your lack of confidence in the first place. It becomes a relationship stuck in a vanilla mindset, and likely, she’s a submissive too. This can lead to sexual incompatibility issues down the road, when the kettle boils over and you finally cave in and express submissive desires, taking a huge risk revealing your “secret” and possibly being rejected.

So… we have, too shy, and too upfront. The biggest roadblocks for a submissive. so what’s the solution? It’s actually really simple, but its going to require you to put yourself out there, in ways that more represent who you are as a whole.

Being submissive, is not the only thing you are. It’s not the only thing you have to offer. But it is a part of you, and you need to find a way to offer it, when the time is right. Which is easily doable, by being exactly who you are. You don’t need to change anything, except your approach. The only reasons you lack confidence is because you don’t know how to express yourself, or you fear rejection. Rejection in the early days, is a beautiful thing. Rejection in the later days, can get messy, so the sooner you face the possibility of rejection, the better. Rejection is a beautiful thing, because its a literal time saver. It saves, your time, and her time, when you can be completely honest. If she’s not willing to accept your submission…. then maybe you’re just simply not compatible with each other. There is nothing wrong with this. Let them go. Move on. Accept that not everyone in the world, is going to embrace who you are, because that’s just silly. So embrace rejection, and expect it. Expect it not in a lack of confidence type of way, but in a way that makes you have gratitude when you’re accepted and enjoy the relationship that much more. That’s the purpose of rejection and failure for that matter.

Second, is expressing yourself. This is a big one because its so simple and so easy, that its overlooked. Whether you’re over expressing yourself, and being all in for your face submissive, and making her feel obligated….. Or under expressive and can’t make decisions and pissing her off every time she asks you where you want to go for dinner…. There is a happy middle ground. That’s the good news. There is a happy middle ground.  The bad news is, you must mentally discipline yourself, and pay attention, to how you’re expressing yourself and train yourself as you go. In other words, you need to be able to look at yourself and see beyond yourself. This is a lot easier than it sounds.

Let me explain.  

As I said earlier, you are more than just a submissive. You are a person, and you have a personality, you have hobbies, and interests, likes and dislikes. You have a life, you have something to offer. Kindness, compassion, chivalry, romance, good conversation and so on. You have a unique way of connection with people. The problem is, when it comes to women, most submissive men(all men), can’t see beyond their hornyness, and she is seen as if she’s on a pedestal, or as a fetish dispenser, or as something to conquer…. ( topping from the bottom subs are the worst) ….. See her as a person. See her like anyone else in your life, and have a normal decent conversation with her. Get to know her. Dominant women are everywhere there is no shortage of them, they’re the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at your table….. They’re everywhere. But you can’t know that, unless you get to know them, unless you get off the internet, and start going on dates. Forget the submissive part for now, its like going around wearing a t-shirt that says “ I fuck on the first date.” Leave sex out of it.  Be who you are, without sex, and just enjoy the attraction to each other, this is how chemistry is built to begin with.  Go have a good time together.

Now while you’re having a good time together, you can show certain but subtle submissive traits. Which are typically all the traits we were supposed to learn as children. Like opening doors for her, buying her meal, and just general chivalry. Let the chemistry build up and see if it can go to the next level. As things carry on, and the relationship becomes sexual, you can begin to tell her that you’re submissive and enjoy pleasuring her. Nothing crazy…. see how she responds. You’re only a few dates in, and you’ve gotten to know a really nice person, now its time to find out if you’re sexually compatible. If you are, then you’ve made more than a friend. If not, then maybe you become friends, maybe you don’t, but the relationship can end there, and very little time was wasted. It gave you experience being yourself, and being comfortable talking to a woman, and it also gave you the possibility of being accepted as a submissive. Which is very rare with the typical upfront or too shy approach.

In other words, to make this entire thing succinct enough to wrap up in a single sentence…….

Use your alpha to empower your beta.

Now get out there and rock a woman’s world with your personality, so she can see the true value you have to offer with your submission.

My Hotwife is at it again...

My beautiful wife had to stop with her bull from work with whom she cuckolded me six glorious times because he is now in a serious relationship.  So she has been setting her trap for this guy on her commuter bus home from work for several weeks now.  Well, tonight she got off the bus at his stop and sent me this text:  “I’ll be home later.”  I’m pretty sure this will result in dinner, making out, and a blow job at the least.  He lives very close to us, so if she hits it off with him, this could become a VERY regular thing.  I’m overcome with the full array of cuckold emotions.  I cannot wait for her to come home to me after being a very naughty wife and kiss me deeply with the taste of his cum still in her mouth.  I am hopelessly in love with her.  I am an insect caught in her spider’s web, and I don’t ever want to get out...

BDSM resources

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker

Cuck Newbie Seeking Counsel from Experienced Cucks & Hotwives

As I wrote in my previous post, after more than a decade of mutual fantasy and her saying she was not ready and would probably never be ready, my wife suddenly decided that she was going to cuckold me with a guy from work.  I’m incredibly turned on by this, of course, but I really was not prepared for the full impact of the emotions I’m now dealing with daily.  My heart has been racing and I’ve been short of breath for going on 2 1/2 days now.  That has to calm down at some point, right? 

Also, in addition to the positive emotions like loving, adoring, and worshipping her like never before and being turned on like I’ve never experienced before, I’m also feeling like I’m not getting enough from her because her emotional intensity level isn’t matching mine.  So I worry a little about losing her.  Somehow, I need her to make it known to me that I am still special to her, that I am still her #1 in some manner, that we have something that no one else can ever have with her.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.  I don’t really have words for the emotional roller coaster I am on.  And she hasn’t even cuckolded me, yet!  Just some pretty direct flirting via text messages.  But she has assured me that she intends to suck his cock this week.  Furthermore, she told me flat out tonight that he will definitely not be the only other guy she fucks.  So she is past the point of no return.  She wants it, and she’s going to get what she wants.  Batten down the hatches and get ready for the ride!

Anyone with some advice or experience to relate, I’d love to hear it.  Send me an email or chat.  Thanks.

Learn the secret, ladies...

You will get a lot more pleasure in any way you want, and he will be stuck in a state of arousal that keeps him addicted to you more then he could have been before, he will do more chores, he will be more attentive, passionate, loving, last longer, be eager to please you, and will never cheat.

> Top 10 chastity / Forced denial benefits <