Let's Start Speaking The Insurance Companies' Language. This Fetus Needs To Be Aborted Because It Simply

I am drunk and on my way home walked past this truck that had pictures of fish on it and said ‘meat without feet’ I laughed so hardr

fuck. i love my own blog. it’s almost like it’s full of things i would post it’s crazy

it's a shame you can't Cool, Silent, and Mysterious your way to being very close to people. we are unfortunately going to have to embarrass ourselves for this

@ people who carry bags everywhere what do you put in them what is there to bring other than chapstick, keys, phone and maybe a tampon why are you packing a suitcase to be outside for 5 hours

You! Fanfiction writer!

I hear you wanna remove a canon female love interest from a M/F ship for the purpose of your fanfiction, eh?

Well before you turn her into a raging bitch for absolutely no reason, WHY NOT:

“He just wasn’t into her like that but they’re still friends”

“They tried dating and decided it wasn’t what they wanted”

“She didn’t actually know him that well and after some time she realized she wasn’t actually that interested”

“He had a habit that was a total deal-breaker, no hard feelings though”

“One of them got a really good job offer somewhere else that they couldn’t turn down and have since moved on”

“Turns out she’s gay”

“Turns out HE’s gay”

“One of them wanted kids and one didn’t”

“They had different long-term goals”

“They tried dating and realized they saw each other more as family and it was super weird and uncomfortable, like kissing your sister”

“Neither one of them was in it for the long haul, it was more of a friends-with-benefits deal”

“Dating one another was what made them realize they’re BOTH gay”

“They weren’t compatible in bed”

“One of them was more career-driven than the other”

“By the time one of them confessed the other had already started a relationship with someone else and they’re doing really well”

“One of them has a beloved pet that the other is deathly allergic to so the distance kinda broke things down”

“They wound up working for the same company with a zero fraternization policy”

“One of them is the other’s boss so dating would be unethical”

“One of them is focusing on themselves right now”

“He’s actually kind of a loser”

“They couldn’t communicate their needs”

“He wasn’t actually all that attractive after all”

“You misunderstand, they are each other’s wingman”

”You misunderstand, they are each other’s beard”

“You misunderstand, they faked the relationship so they could marry for citizenship/tax purposes/political reasons”

”They ARE together but they’re both into the third party”

”They ARE together but they’re cool with each other seeing other people”

”They’ve been faking the relationship to evade an excess rental expense on their shared apartment”

”They’re not in a romantic/sexual relationship, they just got that queerplatonic swag”

“Their parents got married and the step-siblings thing gave them the ick”

“You thought they were flirting? Dude that was ironic. What, you don’t flirt with your friends?”

bitches be like “I’m a writer” and then abandon their wip for months. it’s me I’m bitches.

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

Yelena Belova (BELOVED) ⚡️⚡️