Mother, The Growing Pains Are Unbearable. Give Me The Past 5 Years Back. Let Me Feel The Sand On My Feet

I know your actions came from a place of hurt, but that doesn’t excuse them. I don’t hate you for that, but how could you treat someone you love like that?

I want you to hold me together while I tear myself apart

I love you like my heart beat, constantly and consistently. (And it will kill me if it stops)

You look at me and I feel the sun tracing my lips. You’re selfless and kind. Everything you say holds meaning. You love me and you make me feel loved. So many bad experiences led me to you and every experience was worth it to be able to hold you and love you to the best of my ability. I love you.

It hurts but the pain reminds me I’m alive!!! What is the point of life if you’re not loving and growing!!! I feel so alive and it’s so beautiful!!!

Itching to be understood, but craving to runaway without a trace

Loving me is like loving cheap earrings.

They’re pretty and shimmer when you put them under light. You wear them everyday until they start to tarnish, the silver wipes away and leaves a rusty rose gold. They turn your skin green and make your piercing holes black. You love them until you can’t stand to look at them any longer. You love them until you can buy an expensive replica. You love them until you find something better.

I wish I wasn’t stupid.

I can’t do math, my writing is shit, I can’t pay attention, I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I’m not confident, I’m not pretty.

I’m watching all my friends get ahead of me. They excel in all their subjects so easily. I’m struggling to get passing grades.

I know I’m smart, I just wish I wasn’t the only one aware.

I’m smart enough to understand the look they give me when I ask stupid questions. I’m smart enough to understand why they act like they don’t know me in the hallways.

I just wish I had something to show for myself so I wouldn’t be so overlooked. I just wish I wasn’t stupid enough to believe everyone that doubts me.

I just wish I wasn’t so so stupid.

I wish I had a stronger connection with my mother.

She knows nothing about me, and the more I dwell on it, the more I realize I know nothing about her either.

“I’m not a violent dog, I don’t know why I bite” I AM GOING TO RIP MY FACE OFF.