Mary Oliver

“I love you. Infinitely and inexpressibly. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night and here I am writing this. My love, my happiness.” –  Vladimir Nabokov, from a letter to Vera (January 19, 1925), featured in “Letters To Vera” by Vladimir Nabokov (Russian, 1899-1977)

~Some Rules on Self Love in no particular order~

Challenge Yourself: know that anything you want to achieve, you’re worth the time and effort that goes into it. Challenging yourself and setting new goals builds self confidence

Be in competition w/ you and no one else: don’t compare yourself to others, for you do not know their path or their desired destination. You’re unique because you’re you and no one else has your lives experiences or exact perspective.

Do what you say you’re going to do: not just for other but for yourself. If you promise yourself something, if you tell yourself you’re going to do something, do it. Not only will you be more productive, but you won’t feel the need to wallow in self loathing over something you said you were going to do and never got to

Value your time: for this is indeed valuing yourself. It’s okay to relax and lay around and do absolutely nothing sometimes, but dedicating your time to nothing is dedicating yourself to nothing. Value yourself enough to put your tile to good use

Anticipate the future: try your best to look out for your future self, even in the smallest ways. From picking something up off the floor so that you don’t trip on it tomorrow to keeping a pack of makeup wipes beside your bed for those lazy days

Respect yourself, your belonging and your space: you deserve to live in a clean, functional space. Respect your belongings, have a place for them and put them in their place. Respect yourself by not letting others disrespect you, set and assert your boundaries. Respect your space by setting the rules and enforcing them. You’re in charge here, and what you say goes.

How do you fall back in love with life?

clean your room.  clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders.  clean the dishes.  sweep.  take out the trash.  peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them.  take a long shower.  scrub behind your knees.  brush your teeth.  (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can.  the end result is worth it.)

pull out your notebook.  it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while.  fuck moleskins.  the yellow legal pad will work fine.  sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list.  count clouds.  describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise.  sketch the cracks in the walls.  note the shape light makes when it enters a space.  talk about what the air tastes like, smells like.  what sounds are there?  even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything.  remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail.  remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness.  your world is fathomless.  it has potential.

drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed.  it does not need to be fancy.  buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions.  eat it outside.  if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs.  take your fucking meds.  remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body.  your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor.  take care of it.

read a novel.  underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen.  read a novel like it’s poetry.  read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious.  watch a movie you haven’t seen before.  if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one.  take your time.  let yourself bask.  if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.

your chosen family is important.  remember, they picked you as much as you picked them.  the love has no obligation.  it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion.  you are not a burden.  if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people.  when they need you, listen and be gracious.  always be gracious.  the universe sometimes remembers things like that.

listen to new music.  link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that.  listen to something that you don’t usually listen to.  we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music.  we are falling in love again.  the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.  

allow yourself to indulge in romantics.  press flowers in old books.  play movies with subtitles and mouth the words.  dance in your room.  wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public.  write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them.  write poetry, even awful poetry.  revel in its awfulness.  eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.  

I just want forehead kisses

“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation for the little things, my vivid inner life, my deep awareness of others’ pain, and my passion for it all.”

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 "𝐈𝐓" 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

It’s always been my dream to be viewed as a living goddess. When anyone encounters me, I want them to feel as though they have just come in contact with an ethereal being. Someone who is so uniquely feminine, elegant, skillful, kind, elegant, and charming. I want them to be captivated by my beauty and enraptured by my intellect. There is no spell that can accomplish this. Only dedicated and precise hard work. You have to be dedicated. You have to show up for yourself every day, even when you’re tired. Even when you’re sad. Even when you feel totally uninspired. Put in the work for what you want. Here is your guide.

𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐓

Start the day off by thanking God for all of your blessings that are tangible and intangible. Starting the day off with a grateful heart is step 1 to having a great day!

Literally, stay prayed up in everything you do. If something feels wrong (or even if something feels right) consult with God about it. Let Him be the governing force in your life. Lean more on his word than your own understanding. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Read your Bible every day. Utilize the guidebook that helps you read the whole bible in one year. Utilize the S.O.A.P method to study and get a firm understanding of what God says and what he expects of us.

Read Christian literature by reputable authors. Books that will help you strengthen your faith, become a woman of God, who is secure in her faith and in herself. Books that will help you become a better servant and a kinder person. (For example: The Esther Anointing by Michelle McClain-Walters)

Supplement some of the entertainment you indulge in now with Christian music and podcasts (from reputable creators)

Attend church every Sunday and once schedule allows, attend Tuesday young adult ministry

Serve in the church in some capacity. Preferably in youth ministry, but wherever the help is needed.

Have a prayer network— friends who can call on one another whenever they need prayer (Matthew 18:20)

{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

Repeat after me:

I am the woman of my own dreams. I require no validation. My wish is my command. My life is my own, I build it. My voice is my own, I let it be heard. I am relentless in my dedication to trusting myself. I am insatiable in my thirst for the extraordinary, and I do not settle for the mediocre.

resenting yourself for where you aren’t won’t change where you are.

you can’t hate yourself into healing.