i can see you falling away from the man i know.
my life is tied to your in the strongest of knots. no terrors could unravel us. you are too tangled into the depth of my soul.
i miss you like orpheus misses eurydice.
i remember it well
your hand was on my hip
as you stood
behind me
talking to your friends
and they all stared at me
because we weren’t even
together
but your hand was splayed on my hip
and your head was on my shoulder
and you told me
“you feel like home”
i’m so afraid of becoming everything i’m running from.
i was a precocious child. it’s a curse.
i love you calmly, peacefully, and fully.
our eyes lock, and your breath hitches, and my mouth is a magnet pulling pulling pulling me to you.
i didn’t think the depth of my pain was visible from the outside until my mother told me she hated my sad eyes. that my eyes were always so joyful and now they appear as small voids to something darker.
i crave physical touch like a drug. i crave skin to skin, soul to soul kind of touch. i crave interlocking pinkies because i need a little hit. i crave to hug people that do little things for me because it’s the only way i know how to say thank you.
so far this year, the only thing i’ve been is a disservice to the people around me. most days i’m too selfish to get out of bed.