i love our mundane conversations more than i hav ever loved any boy. that’s how i know we are something true.
you must’ve been mine for lifetimes. i must’ve taught you how to read, or ride a bike, or cook, or run. we must’ve met on the streets of ancient rome, or in passing jericho, or selling you a car in london, or teaching you to fight in sparta, or closing your tomb in egypt. i must’ve been your person every single lifetime.
normals childhoods don’t exist. parents break up. dogs die. houses burn. friends betray. money runs out.
i stopped pretending you were mine today. or that you ever were.
i have bookshelves of dreams. all dying to be the one i choose to live out.
you told me i was cruel. all i said was that you were the loss of my life. why would i lie to you? i don’t think i am capable of it.
i feel you in the sun shining down on my shoulders. in the breeze in my hair. in the tears on my cheeks. in the iron in my blood. in the taste on my tongue. in the scratch on my left shoulder. in bit marks down my neck. in your initial hanging from a chain around my neck.
i wish this momentary calm could find the courage to last for the entirety of my life. but the war in my brain scares it away.
i wonder what 10 year old me would do if i told her that her best friend is actually the love of her life.
i swear it almost rained. i swear it almost washed out the whole world. i swear i almost gave up.
years. years have been taken off of my life today. the fear invoked in me shall linger for the rest of my days.