i wonder what 10 year old me would do if i told her that her best friend is actually the love of her life.
he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not. he loves me, he loves me not.
though i am surrounded by hundreds of people each day, i feel so completely isolated from the outside world. someone bigger must’ve put me in a jar in failing effort to save me.
i am terrified of failure. yet right now it is all i can produce.
in march, time goes at a steady pace, but tomorrow it will be october and i will have not spoken to you since february and i will forget that i have ever spoken to you.
i want to scream. i shall only halt when the windows rupture from their sills and the floor begins to shake. only then will i be able to go about my day.
we were so close yet so so far. like december and january are.
i can’t shake this feeling that i will walk by the love of my life oblivious. that i will never be able to know him.
my brothers are not my blood, but they are mine. we have been through tragedy and triumph together. they have been my shoulder to cry on, and i have wiped away many of their tears myself. my soul will always be tied with theirs.
i feel like myself again. i don’t know if i should be proud or terrified.
my brothers are the only people on the planet i would dare to call mine.