the rage in me has made my humanity scarce. i will not be quiet about it.
i miss you like orpheus misses eurydice.
you’ve ruined my life. i will say i love you until i am hoarse. i will kiss you until my lips are raw. i will cry for you until i cry a river. i will hold you until my arms can no longer hold themselves up. i will miss you until the sun sinks into the sky for the final time.
someone asked me today if i had ever been in love. i shook my head no because what we had can’t fit under one four letter word.
“aliza, i’m in love with you”
“oh you poor, poor boy”
i crave physical touch like a drug. i crave skin to skin, soul to soul kind of touch. i crave interlocking pinkies because i need a little hit. i crave to hug people that do little things for me because it’s the only way i know how to say thank you.
am i giving my life away to a dream that may never happen?
no one has ever told me how similar grief is to falling in love. a numbness so absolute i can’t tell if i’m at the highest high or the lowest low.
why must i be so full of rage? i can only dream of peace.
i came home with blood on my hands and you were terrified of what i’d done to someone. it never occurred to you that the blood on my hands was my own.