I Never Knew That Heartache Was An Actual Feeling. But The Pain In My Chest Told Me The Truth

i am the happiest when i feel like a whole human and not just the shell of myself i’ve grown accustomed to

april 13, 2025

for the first time i am completely fine in my own.

january 27, 2024

happiness feels a million miles away and thousands of years in the past.

i’ve always been told

that 3am is some haunted hour

where your subconscious thoughts

claw their way into reality

but 4am is the true evil

it’s the unbearable silence

when the monsters in my head

stand at the edges of my vision

to watch me toss and turn

worst case scenario: we stay friends and drift to the outer edges of each other

(don’t worry it’s already happening)

every august i can remember was like a coming of age movie

i love you

i remember it well

your hand was on my hip 

as you stood

behind me

talking to your friends

and they all stared at me

because we weren’t even 

together

but your hand was splayed on my hip

and your head was on my shoulder

and you told me 

“you feel like home”

i pine violently for a brush of your knee against mine

january 24, 2025

i feel you in the sun shining down on my shoulders. in the breeze in my hair. in the tears on my cheeks. in the iron in my blood. in the taste on my tongue. in the scratch on my left shoulder. in bit marks down my neck. in your initial hanging from a chain around my neck.

february 7, 2025

what would’ve happend, if i didn’t walk into that bar? if i didn’t see your face? if you didn’t steal glances from across the room all night? if you didn’t walk up to me with your crooked smirk? if you didnt leave to get a rose from the convenience store 3 blocks down? if you didn’t ruin my life?