Why Does Vivienne Keep Showing Up On My Page - Blog Posts

Regrets of Loving Her

I sit on my bed, crying for another night. I’m curled up around my giant black bear, Isadora got me for my birthday. It still smelled like her. “My Isadora…” My cries grow in volume, burying my face into the bear’s soft fur. “Vivienne.” I hear a knock at my door and I almost instantaneously change my facial expression and my mood entirely. “Yes?” He opens the door and makes eye contact that I can’t break. “Sir.” I bow my head respectfully. He sits on my bed, making me look at him. “What’s wrong.” I shake my head.

“Nothing.” I cross my arms but I end up holding my stuffed animal tighter. “Let it go and throw it away.” My eyes widen. “No.” My voice is stern and full of venom. “You’re blaming yourself about Isadora’s death.” I look away from him. “Can we not talk about that.” He snaps his fingers twice making me look at him. “We are going to talk about that.” I sigh, sitting up, bringing the stuffed animal with me. “What do you want.” I cast him a hard glare and he just smiles and shrugs.

That’s my father, sly as a fox when he wants to be. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” He says brushing a thin strand of hair from the way of my face. “Now, what’s wrong?” I sigh, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind my ear. “I regret it…” He looks up, “Regret what, princess.” I glare at him, “Queen.” I roll my eyes, “I regret loving her.” He tilts his head, keeping eye contact. “You shouldn’t regret that, Vivienne.” I throw my hands up, “Well I do! I got her killed!” My father grabs my hands, holding them looking me in the eyes.

“Don’t regret love. Love is powerful even if I hurts.” I tug on his hands. “Sir, I got her killed do you not understand?” He tugs my hands, “Don’t call me Sir when we’re having Father-Daughter time.” I nod, averting my gaze. “Look at me.” I make eye contact with him and he tilts my head up. “It is not your fault, princess. You can’t control everything.” I don’t mean too but I raise my voice a bit. “I got her killed! You said that people like us shouldn’t love. I should have listened…” He runs a hand through my hair.

“I was angry and heartbroken when I said that.” I roll my eyes, “When are you aren’t?” He sighed, “You loved someone and you lost them. I know how that feels but it’s not your fault.” I raise my voice again, this time meaning to. “Yeah, it’s their fault for falling for us. They’re fools for doing so. As you said, it’s not my fault.” I growl under my breath. “I was angry when I said that! What do you not understand?” He started to yell, and I did right back.

“I understand everything! I understand that you are so full of yourself that you can’t take the blame for something I did and won’t let me take the blame for what I did on my own!” I yank my hands from his. Taming the anger on his face, he sighed rising from my bed. “Pull yourself together. We have things to do.” He closes the door before giving me a second to respond. I bury my face in the fluff of the stuffed animal and scream. “Quit that!” I hear my father yell before I hear the slam of another door.

“It’s going to take everything in my being not to come up to him one day in slap him in his face.”