Curate, connect, and discover
Hiiiiii! I just want to talk about something little bit different today 😥
I’s about that, I really LOVE old music. like:
Me: my favourite singer is Billie. Them: Eilish? Me: *put on 40s dresses and hairstyle* Holiday 😎
And I really LOVE to dance to it. The spin of my skirt, feeling my hair in a cute bow and also the romance of old texts... ach... 💖💖💖
Anyway - even when I like it, I will NEVER start playing it out loud in my bedroom. Why? because my father has cancel right next to me and I just... don’t feel comfortable when I imagine he will know that I’m listening to Billie Holiday, Fred Astaire or Benny Goodman 😖🙁😞
But yesterday I was wondering WHY I have it like that - my father mustn’t care at all what I’m listening to, right? It’s not somethnig I should be ashamed of 😖. So I tought about that and I came to a conclusion that I feel uncomfortable when I have to tell to my family something a little bit personal about me. But still is here that question... WHY? I think that when i was a child and I told what I like to do (like playing on the piano) to my mother or to my dad, they started to be completle mad about that. not in a way they would forbid me it, but in exactly opposite way(which also wasn’t so good) 😖😟😩.
Example:
When I told to my mommy I like to play the piano, the first thing she did was to signed me up to the music school. But I didn’t wanted or liked play that way - everyday must training boooriiing and difficult songs that I didn’t even like. But I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I kept going to stupid music classes and kept myself under stress just for my mother to be happy.
(PS - It ruined all my love to the playing. completely. I still like to play on piano or hear somebody to play on it, but that magical feeling I had, before I was forced to do it, that little taste of freedom that it has that I could taste on my tongue... It’s all away. Congrats, if you want your child to start hate what it loved before, instructions are above) 😖😟😖
So I think it’s because I’m scared that if they (my parents) will know that I like old jazz music or dancingon it, they will propably force me to do it everyday until it will end up as that thing with piano.
Because the thing I love about dancing, freedom, doesn’t mean that you are forced to do something until you will want to kill yourself, freedom is that you can leave whenever you want - and that’s the reason why I keep staying.
Okay, after downwriting this I just realized that I have really shitty parents. excuse me, I will propably cry for a few hours now 😨👋🤭😖🤧
Bye!