Second Part - Blog Posts

The sun god.

So I finish my first watercolour but I think something is a miss in the process of making it… I will try making it with others tools in the future, because the ones I used were nothing more than improvisations.

(Note: sorry for my English, is not my first language)

Venomous’ Confrontation (2/2)

Jeez, wish this stick with my recent post of this comic. But you get the idea. Also funny how at the end I improved my design on PV. 

One Last Goodbye and a Million New Hellos

Wolfstar, pert two of Memories.

The light was strange, he felt strange, like he was floating, but falling as well. That’s when it hit him, he had died, Sirius Black, the best marauder, the boy who refused his upbringing, had been killed, by his own cousin.

He didn’t know how long it had been since he had been pulled back to his home, now closed off to everything outside of it. He had shifted, now a black dog, Padfoot making its last appearance. He sat and watched, the two people he hated leaving now stood away from him, unaware of how close he was. Their voices were mumbled, distant, showing how far away he actually was, and how alone he had truly become. There was one thing he did hear though, the one thing that the veil was unable to silence, something he had been waiting years to hear.

“I love him too, with every bit of my heart.” Remus finally admitted, causing Sirius to stand, now wishing so desperately that he could run to the werewolf, and hold him, like they did once, all those years ago, when Remus was Moony, when he was his Moony.

“I love you too Moony.” Sirius found himself replying, wishing with his entire heart that Remus knew this, that Remus didn’t think Sirius hated him.

October 15, 1976, Marauders’ dorm,

It was silent, Remus Lupin busy studying for exams, and Sirius Black, silently admiring the boy. How could Sirius not, the guy’s nose was scrunched up, a habit he had while working on a particularly difficult question, his hair had fallen in front of his face, and his legs were crossed, his posture was horrendous but oh well, Sirius found it cute.

“I can feel your eyes, creep.” The wizard said, looking up slightly, his hair now covering his eyes. Sirius only shrugged before moving, sitting beside Remus and uncovering his face.

“I can’t help that you just seem to demand all of my attention, 24/7, always.” The other jokes, Remus just shaking his head. Sirius looked at the book Remus had been looking over. “Oh ew, why are you studying history again, I thought you already finished these?”

“Just refreshing my mind, we have an exam and I have to know this stuff.”

“You should take a break.” Sirius said, playing with the stray hairs that laid on Remus’ neck, moving ever so close, riling the poor wolf up.

“Sirius, this is an important exam.” Remus stated, trying to focus his attention back onto the book, finding it difficult as Sirius had now begun peppering Remus’s jaw line with kisses, the boy’s pulse quickening ever so slightly at this.

“Fifteen minutes, that's all I ask of love, you need to let your mind rest.” The animagus replied, pulling the book out of his boyfriend’s hands, making sure to dog ear the page before throwing it to the side. Sirius knew that he had won, Remus’ eyes were now completely dilated.

“Ten.” Remus decided, pulling Sirius down with him.

June 14th, 1996, the afterlife,

“Hey look who it is, the Black brothers, once again reunited!” James exclaimed, as Regulus and Sirius walked together. Sirius smiled, finally being able to see his best mate once again, the one he was closest to, after Remus.

“Great to see you again Potter, you too Evans.” Sirius replied, Lily only offering up a gentle smile.

“Don’t worry Black, he won’t take that long, it’s impossible for the marauders to stay apart for long.” She said, hoping to comfort him. He only nodded, before walking off, his spirit drifting to the Mirror of Erised, not moving, as it showed those days, where he was truly happy.

April 8th, 1975, Room of Requirement,

“You became what?” Remus exclaimed, anger and shock clear as the night sky. Sirius flinched lightly, hoping Remus wouldn’t have seen this as a bad thing.

“Look, Rem, I did this for you. I don’t like you having to sit through these moons all on your own, it hurts, and you won’t hurt other animals, only humans, so I am perfectly safe.” He explained, the brown haired boy listening to none of it.

“That doesn’t matter, you did it illegally, if you get caught you could end up going to Azkaban, you could get expelled, I could lose you.” Lupin said, his worries getting voiced. Sirius just sighed.

“You won’t lose me, I swear.” He promised, getting up and hugging his boyfriend, “if anyone even tries to take me away then I’ll just fight back, I am not leaving, not by my own free will at least.”

January 14th, 1974, Marauders’ dorm,

Sirius could feel the want to sleep leave his body, his bed felt too empty, and cold. He didn’t like it. By the sounds of it, his friends were all asleep already, and yet here he was, trying to force himself to sleep. He had tried everything, even a sleep spell, yet to no avail, he was wide awake. There was only one thing he could think of.

Quietly, trying to not make much noise and cause the others to wake up, he crept out of his bed, the floor freezing. Sirius felt a cold chill shoot through his spine, before getting used to it, and making his way towards the target, Remus Lupin, and his bed. His boyfriend was exceptionally warm, most likely from him being somewhat a wolf, but even then, Sirius just liked being in his presence.

Pulling back the cover, Black slipped into the bed, and wrapped his arms around the sleeping boy’s body, getting as close as he could, the warmth from the other already deadly comfortable.

“Sirius, what’re you doing?” Remus whispered, Sirius felt his blood run cold, afraid that Remus would get upset.

“I couldn’t sleep, my bed was really cold.”

“So your first thought was to come to me?”

“You are really warm okay.” Sirius defended, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, embarrassment filling him. Remus said nothing, but turned around in Sirius’ embrace, looking at the long haired gryffindor.

“Okay.” He replied, kissing Sirius on the forehead before closing his eyes once again, “now go to sleep please. I love you.”

At that Sirius felt the muscles in his face turn, a smile forming, before a yawn interrupted him. “I love you too, Moony.”

May 2nd, 1998, afterlife,

Sirius was confused, people said that there were multiple new arrivals, one being someone they had all been waiting on. It hadn’t been long since Wormtail died, meaning the last person to arrive was Remus, who Sirius wanted to live, experience the life he was never allowed. Sirius wanted Remus to fall in love, to have a family, to move on, he couldn’t be here, he just couldn’t. Sirius refused, refused to go see and greet the newcomers with James, refused to answer the calls, just refused, afraid of who he might see, someone who didn’t deserve the card that life had dealt him.

“Sirius, please, it’s been a full day, you can’t keep ignoring us.” James said, his voice muffled only slightly through the door.

“No James, I won’t listen to what anyone says, I don’t want to see anyone.”

“Why must you be so stubborn?”

“You know why.”

“You know, despite all the losses, we did it, Harry did it, we won.” James informed, Sirius not responding. He had known, it was all the spirits talked about, how Harry Potter had succeeded, and Voldemort had been brought down, the wizarding world was safe. He remembered those nights, where he would talk to Remus, so proud of his godson and how far he had come, how much farther he would go.

August 9th, 1995, 12 Grimmauld Place,

Sirius sat in his room, looking around, memories he had wished to forget in his mind, playing, over and over again, never leaving. It hurt, the memories of when his mother would kick him out, when his brother had turned away, everything bad that ever happened to Sirius had occurred in this home, except losing his best friend, no, he wasn’t even there for that.

“You know,” a voice came from behind him, Sirius coming to meet Remus’ brown eyes, the ones he would get lost in, “I never did get to see your home, James was the only one.” He finished, coming to sit beside Sirius, not much room between them.

“I never wanted him to, he just came over on his own accord. That and I didn’t want my mother to ever meet you, she isn’t worth your time and you don’t deserve the insults she would give.” Sirius explained, leaning against Remus, missing the warmth he would get. Without missing a beat, Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius, the two were close, it looked like a romance movie, where one was comforting their lover, after a tiring day or so.

“Do you ever regret what happened between us? The arguments, hell, even the relationship?” Remus asked quietly, almost like he was afraid of the question, and in association, the possible answer.

“Only slightly, the arguments most definitely, but the relationship itself, the only thing I grew to regret about that was how it ended, the fact that it ended.” Black answered, Remus relaxing his body some. “What about you?”

“Never, I will never regret having been with you ever, only the way I had acted towards you.” He replied quickly, sounding almost offended that Sirius had questioned him.

“You were a kid Remus, we both were, we weren’t ready for anything serious, and it hurt the relationship.”

“I suppose, what about now?”

“What about now?”

“Well, we are both grown, having lived our lives, gone through things, apart from each other for so long,” Sirius can’t remember when he zoned out, only staring at Remus going over his features s the wolf talked about life, how they both should be grown, “and even if the world looked at us strange we could handle it right?” Remus had noticed now, seeing as Sirius hadn’t been reacting. “Hello? Sirius, were you listening?”

“You know, it's really hard to sit here, be this close to you, and not kiss you.” He blurted out, causing Remus’ face to grow a shade of pink, not really knowing how to respond other than to look at Sirius, slowly noticing the small space between them, a subconscious thing truly. So used to being close to the other, not thinking, but at the same time, he wouldn’t oppose the guy.

“What’s stopping you?” And that caught the great Sirius Black off guard, not prepared for the confidence in Remus’ voice.

“The fact that if I kissed you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.” He replied, his face slowly inching closer to Remus’, the space becoming smaller, barely there at this point, the other’s breath becoming ragged.

“In all honesty, I don’t think I would want you to.”

That was all Sirius needed before connecting their lips, the feeling both oh so familiar, and completely new and different, maybe it was because of the scar that had faded on his lips, maybe it was the facial hair, or maybe, it was because Sirius simply couldn’t believe that it was real. They fit like puzzle pieces, neither trying to break apart, rather they were trying to get closer, until the need for air became too important and great, and they were forced to stop.

“So” Remus said, breathless, “Your mother would be furious right now.” He joked, Sirius only wrapping his arms around the other’s neck.

“Good.” Sirius replied, before Remus connected them again, before grabbing his wand and closing the door, pulling Sirius with him to the head of the bed, neither parting the entire time.

May 4th, 1998, the afterlife,

Sirius still hadn’t left, hadn’t allowed anyone inside, he did nothing. It was becoming worrying, but no one could do anything.

“Pads, there is someone here to see you.” James said, doing his daily visit, trying to coax Sirius out of the house, to join the others again.

“Not now James.”

“Oh come on Sirius, you got upset with me for phishing everyone away, and now you are doing it.” A new voice rang through, shocking Sirius to his core, Remus Lupin. Without Sirius answering, his ears now ringing, James had said something about leaving, wishing his other marauder good luck, as Remus had opened the door, Sirius looking at him.

“Hey, long time no see huh?”

“You can’t be here, you shouldn’t be here.” At that, Remus came over to him, looking at his eyes, noting how light they were, more than when he was alive.

“But I am,” He replied, cupping Sirius’ face, wiping the tears that strayed from his eyes, this looked like a reverse image of that night.

June 25th, 1978, the shrieking shack,

“Remus, will you just listen to me! For once in your life just stop and listen.” Sirius exclaimed, Remus sitting down on the very worn down bed of the shrieking shack, a place where they both started coming to more.

Remus shook his head, causing Sirius to sigh, wondering what was going through the boy’s mind.

“No Sirius, you listen, you always have the final say and I am tired of it. You have to be in control all of the time, and I can’t deal with it!” Remus shot back, causing Sirius to look at him not prepared.

“You don’t mean that, that is not true, when have I ever been in control? Everything I have done I’ve done because I was told to, even with you, you tell me that nothing matters when I ask what is wrong. I can’t keep doing this Remus, it hurts me too much to just watch you destroy yourself. I love you, I really truly love you, but I can’t keep pretending as if I can’t hear your cries at night.” Sirius defended himself, moving to Remus, gently bringing his hands up to cup the other’s face, Remus looking anywhere except Sirius, his eyes darting around. “Moony, hey, Remus please look at me.”

“I can’t” He replied, Sirius barely being able to hear him, his voice was quiet, almost like he was afraid to get any louder. The tears had come, Sirius being quick to wipe them away.

“One day, when we are both finally ready, we will find each other, and live the fairytale ending that we deserve, that you deserve. I love you Moony.” Sirius swore, kissing Remus on the head, right where a new scar had begun to form, before leaving for one last time, his heart heavy.

May 4th, 1998, the afterlife,

“I’m real, Sirius, I’m here.” Remus said gently, causing Sirius to zone back in. “You know, you’re as beautiful as the day I lost you, the day you disappeared in that veil.” he said, Sirius only leaning forward, connecting their foreheads, noses bumping together slightly.

“Remember how you asked me if I regretted anything, about us, that night in the shrieking shack, I regret that.” Sirius whispered.

“Why?” He whispered back, Sirius smiling, thankful he wasn’t breaking the silence.

“Because letting you go was the hardest thing I ever had to do.” Sirius whispered, Remus only shaking his head.

“Well, at least you never have to do that again, I’m sorry for taking so long.” He apologized, Sirius smiling. He had expected the werewolf to somehow find a way to apologize, it was in his nature, a thing Sirius had hated, not wanting Remus to ever apologize for living.

“You were worth the wait.”

“I love you Sirius Orion Black.”

“I love you too Remus John Lupin.”

“Your door was unlocked the entire time, and I just stood out in the cold for nothing!” James was heard exclaiming from the door, ruining the moment.

“Really Prongs! I can’t be gay for one second?” Sirius yelled back, James holding his hand up in defense.

“Sorry, my bad, you go, be gay, I’ll find Lily.” James said, turning towards the door and closing it behind him.

“James, you owe me five galleons since Remus said ‘I love you’ first.” Lily said, causing James to groan in annoyance.

“It will never be quiet huh?” Remus asked, SIrius only nodding.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, love.” He said, kissing the boy. Sirius knew, the one regret he had, was never saying a proper goodbye to Remus, but, he would never have to ever again, only having to say a million hellos.