Ptsd Recovery - Blog Posts

Tw: abuse

Just survived a couple hours with my abuser while casually chitchatting around family. I need to run away.

They sure don’t.

(—I’ll do a happy version of this later, since it’s two sides of one coin. ;) )

via weheartit

Realized today that I jsut genuinely do not remember the majority of my childhood (…only stuff I remember is trauma tbh)

Most of the happy shit that I know happened was what I’ve been told happened

Do I have any recollection of that??? Noooo

Someone said happiness will come to me but when? Am i the only one who believes that good things must come into my life in a stipulated time, otherwise it’s like trying to feed someone who’s already full?

And my ptsd driven brain just reaffirms this idea, a timely positive prescence is more important than anything else

(via "Embracing all the inner parts" Magnet for Sale by Queueka)

So this happens. Particularly zoning out, and it seems more intense now that I've been on medication. Sustaining concentration on anything is difficult.

I tend to crochet to keep myself grounded. But even then, I'll become enamored with the texture or my progress and I'll stop and dissociate. Even writing this reblog was more difficult than it should have been.

Are You Dissociating?

Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.

You may be dissociating if you:

find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything

feel completely numb

feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.

feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy

lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on

feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream

feel like you’re floating 

suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you

feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you

are very startled when someone/something gets your attention

completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago

suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason

can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live

find yourself rocking back and forth

become very focused on a small or trivial object or event

find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.

feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.

perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you

(likes and reblogs always taken as support)

Lights are cameras. Smoke detectors are cameras. Everyone’s watching. Fuck fuck fuck. My computer is a camera.

Just got off the phone with legal aid and rehashing the trauma again. That was a very long conversation. Attempting to keep my head high and not get overwhelmed by everything. I am lucky enough to finish this day out with a dental appointment and moving things out of my storage unit. Lawyers, and dentists, and moving, oh my!