Past Life Memories - Blog Posts

Hey just wanted to come out and say real quick that I think I've confirmed a new kintype. It actually falls under a whole new category of alterhumanity that I've never been in before.

I am Post Apocalyptic Survivor Conceptkin

Trying to figure this out was... certainly a challenge. Quite honestly I'm still not 1000% sure that is exactly what I'm experiencing, but for the time being it feels right.

This is an identity that is very deeply rooted in my sense of self and is a very personal experience. I struggle to even properly explain what this identity feels like, as there aren't really words in the english language (or any other language that I'm aware of) to describe the extremely abstract thoughts and emotions that come with it. The best way I can describe it is it just feels like something that's intertwined with the essence of my being, like I can just sense it all around me in the most subtle ways. I believe it's spiritual in nature, maybe stemming from a past (or future??) life. I think I have some vague memories of it, but it's hard to say because they don't feel like memories from a specific individual, hence why I use the conceptkin label. It's something I've sorta always felt with me, lingering in the background, dropping hints that there's something much bigger than myself out there. But it's grown more and more prevalent in my life as Ive gotten older, usually making itself most apparent in the spring and summer time. It's difficult to define, everytime I try to focus on it and make out any specifics it squirms out of my reach, like trying to remember a hazy dream from the previous night. Sometimes I'll see or hear something that strikes something familiar in me and I'll know Ive found another small piece to the puzzle, but I greatly struggle to make rational sense of it. But there are a few things I think I know for sure about it. Here are some things that remind of and make me feel more connected to it.

☣️🌿• TV Shows/Movies: Kipo and The Age of the Wonderbeasts, Ghostbusters II: Frozen Empire, I Am Legend, Love Death and Robots

☣️🌿• Video Games: The Last of Us

☣️🌿• Books: The 5th Wave

☣️🌿• Music: ACHE by emawk, Tumblr Girls (Christoph Andersson Remix Sped Up) by G-Eazy, Lady Killers II (Slowed Remix) by G-Eazy, Resonance (Sped Up) by Home

☣️🌿• Pics:

I don't see many other conceptkins around so if you're out there hiiiii :3 I'd love to be friends and hear about your experiences! Maybe it will help me to make sense of my own in some way. Also feel free to ask me any questions about it! ^^ I'd love to answer them and it'd probably be helpful for me to try learning to verbally express some of the things I experience lol, thank uuuu <3

ok so I did a meditation yesterday (link) and as much as it didn't work when it comes to shifting, I kinda got some past life memories from it, and now I'm just kinda aching for it

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, and trauma/ptsd. All from past lifes and not explicit.

Talking about this once again, mainly cause I want to mention that it's from both of my "kin" lifes [Zuki and Cyan]. And it was likely more than once in both.

It sucks having to deal with the trauma even when in this body/life I/we have never experienced anything like that.

Anyway, just wanted to slightly vent again.

- Shay 🐾

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, trauma/ptsd, I think that's it? All of this is pretty much just past life, and it's not explicit, just mentioned by name.

Anyone else who experienced trauma in a past life that they haven't experienced in your current life, how do you deal with it?

I haven't ever been SAed in this life but I am pretty sure that I was at least once in a past life [maybe multiple past lifes, Zuki is the one that I am meaning rn]. And I have no real idea of how to go about dealing with this.

I feel shitty cause, like I've said, I have never been through that in this life, but it still affects me about as much as if I had. And I don't really know how to talk about this shit with people cause idk how they would react, even those that support and love me as I am [alterhuman/nonhuman stuff included] but having trauma from my past life that I haven't experienced here is kinda different.

Idk, I just want to know if anyone has any advice or anything for this situation.

Sorry for this type of post, I try not to bring too much stuff like this into my account, but I feel like I need to. I'll try and keep my posts more light-hearted or, at least of course, give trigger warnings or content warnings when they're not light-hearted.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

Time for more bad memories from my life as Zuki. I have debated about posting this a few times but I think I need to, to get it off my chest or whatever you wanna say.

Tw/cw: (failed) suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self harm, death of a family member, grief, and abuse. Let me know if I missed any tw/cw.

There were times right after I turned 14 years old as Zuki (my aunt, who I looked up to so much, died on my 14th birthday so yeah) that I ended up going to the top of my middle school building [I couldn't fly at the time] and was debating jumping from it, I never did.

But a few days after my 14th birthday, all the grief and anger and shit I felt from my aunt's death (she was a hero, and she died fighting some villains) had gotten to be too much for me to deal with and I went to a part of the middle school that pretty much no one went to and pretty much everyone wouldn't have cared about me anyways.

Anyway, I went to the secluded place of the school and I had a knife in my backpack, I always carried it with me, not only because of self-harm tendencies but also because it was a gift from my aunt who died. I thought I was alone, cause who in their right mind would be in this part of that school? (Neither of us there were in our right mind, so I guess that answers that, lol).

Anyway, I took the knife and cut pretty deep on my arms and legs. I had put down something, I think it was my jacket, to try and make less of a mess with the blood cause I didn't wanna cause too much more trouble, lol. But someone who I didn't really know well (I kinda wish it stayed that way, but whatever) came and helped me to the nurse's room. If that nurse could have let me just die, she would've, but she didn't wanna get in trouble with my older sibling, lol.

Anyways, that nurse just did the bare minium, so I wouldn't die. I talked a bit with the girl who saved me. She seemed nice (seemed is the key word there). After the school day ended, it was like only an hour or so cause I did this during my free period, which was my last 'class' of the day. After the bell rang, I walked to a little medical building that [mainly] was for those with no quirks, hated quirks, etc. So because of this, it didn't have a mandatory reporting thing, which was good for me, cause I didn't want anyone else to know that I tried to kill myself and failed. But yeah, the lady who helped me then was very nice and I would continue to go there when I needed medical stuff.

The girl who saved me, about a week or so later, came up to me and said she liked me romantically. While I am (was?) cupioromantic, I didn't know that at the time, so I thought I liked her romantically as well, so I told her that and we started dating.

It was great at first, but after about 2 weeks or so of dating, she started to hurt me, while I did technically know this wasn't good, I had believed it had to be different here and that she was still good and everything (she wasn't, the abusive asshole).

Eventually, when I was like 15 and ½ years old or something like that, I realized I didn't feel romantic attraction at all and told my 'girlfriend' and broke up with her. It didn't go well.

She ended up stabbing me a few times, shit happened. Afterwards, I went to that same medical building I mentioned before and they helped me not die.

Eventually, I realized that my ex was probably only with me cause she wanted someone easy to hurt and shit. Idk just probably wasn't love from her end.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | I could go more into detail about probably all of this but I'm not gonna right now

More bad memories from my life as Zuki. Cause of course my brain hates me.

Tw: abuse, school abuse[? Idk what to call it], muzzles, quirk discrimination, shock collars, bullying, I think that's it for this one?

When I was younger, my bio mother was told to use a muzzle and shock collar that "neutralized" quirks on me. Cause my quirk was "dangerous" and "needed to be controlled." These were supposed to be illegal to use on anyone, even the most dangerous villain. But of course, people didn't listen and used them on those with "evil" or "villain" quirks (especially certain mutant related quirks).

It kinda makes sense that a hero like my bio mother could get one, but what's 'interesting' is that once I got into middle school, some of the teachers also had them. I don't know where they got them, but whatever. My middle school and high school both used the muzzles and shock collars on me.

When I was in middle school, I was still very cautious and shit. I never fought back, I never started a fight, I never did any of that. But yet anytime someone attacked me, I got punished. They would put the muzzle on me saying something about how I was bad and deserved it and the same thing with the shock collar. But 'luckily' the shock collar was less often used.

In high school is when I started fighting back sometimes. It was still usually only if someone else was being hurt [whether physically or verbally]. When it was just me, I would usually not fight back. Sometimes, I did fight back when it was just against me fully, though.

This is all I'm gonna talk about rn.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/he)

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, trauma/ptsd, I think that's it? All of this is pretty much just past life, and it's not explicit, just mentioned by name.

Anyone else who experienced trauma in a past life that they haven't experienced in your current life, how do you deal with it?

I haven't ever been SAed in this life but I am pretty sure that I was at least once in a past life [maybe multiple past lifes, Zuki is the one that I am meaning rn]. And I have no real idea of how to go about dealing with this.

I feel shitty cause, like I've said, I have never been through that in this life, but it still affects me about as much as if I had. And I don't really know how to talk about this shit with people cause idk how they would react, even those that support and love me as I am [alterhuman/nonhuman stuff included] but having trauma from my past life that I haven't experienced here is kinda different.

Idk, I just want to know if anyone has any advice or anything for this situation.

Sorry for this type of post, I try not to bring too much stuff like this into my account, but I feel like I need to. I'll try and keep my posts more light-hearted or, at least of course, give trigger warnings or content warnings when they're not light-hearted.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

Stuff my people offered to me

Spicy dumplings

Meat

Milk

Honey

Fruits like mangos, raspberries, pomegranates

Teeth (theirs of their deceased loved ones)

Small bones of their deceased loved ones

blood

Their hardships

Aligator meat dishes

Woven fabrics

Gold

Long hours of sitting by my candles (like ones that are dedicated to me)

Jewelry

Dances

Feasts

Overall a holiday called "Ashava" or something very similar which is similar to Passover but also a bit connected to the creation of my ppl. Think of it as a long summer holiday where people fast all day before and do a big feast with their neighbours at midnight. Lots of spicy dishes, dances, and overall drinks

Wine, or other alcohol

Yeah thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I think writing my memories out helps me remember them a bit.

ok so I did a meditation yesterday (link) and as much as it didn't work when it comes to shifting, I kinda got some past life memories from it, and now I'm just kinda aching for it