Not A Lot Just Forever - Blog Posts

The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,

“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)

“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)

The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.

The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.

There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.

saw this in an edit once and have not stopped thinking about it since. that’s their song now.

Okay I had more percabeth song related thoughts

This time it's a whole song so bear w me

Not a lot just forever by Adrianne Leneker

Through your eyes I see

A smile you bring to me - his love of making her happy

To your joy, I tether - his positive personality rubbing off on her

Not a lot, just forever - her need for a relationship that lasts long, her something permanent

Intertwined, sewn together - held together by their bond

Like the rock bears the weather - going through all the things they went to and still remaining solid

Not a lot, just forever - her realization that she wants something permanent with him.

My dog barks wildly

To protect my infancy

From my ex-believer - her anger at Luke and her anger because of him

And I try to calm the wolf

To remind her I am both

Still she tears at my sweater - all the time she lashed out at Percy especially during BOTL without meaning to

Not a lot, just forever - her need for him to live

Intertwined, sewn together

As the wren sheds her feather - growing up together and seeing each other mature, and their relationship maturing with them

Not a lot, just forever - the confirmation that yes, he wants forever with her

And your dearest fantasy

Is to grow a baby in me - his dreams of their future, of new rome and all it brings

I could be a good mother

And I wanna be your wife - her longing for that future too, despite how much it scares her

So I hold you to my knife

And I steal your letter - her guard still being up a little bit, her hesitancy to fully let him in

Not a lot, just forever - them moving towards the future

Intertwine some together

As the rock bears the weather

Not a lot, just forever

So I bash around the house

And the poison stains my mouth - their time in tartarus making them damaged, the effects lingering

She comes, I let her

And we share a pair of dice - their fate being intertwined

And I roll them once or twice

Can't get much better

Not a lot, just forever

Intertwined, sewn together

As the rock bears the weather

Not a lot, just forever

Not a lot, just forever

Intertwined, sewn together

As the wren bares her feathers

Not a lot, just forever