I PROMISE THERE WILL BE ANOTHER PART - Blog Posts

ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡ, ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ : “ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴍᴘ ɢɪʀʟ”

Summary: Told through interviews with her, James, and the rest of the band - this is the untold story of James Hetfield and his first love, and the wreckage it left behind.

Warnings ⚠︎︎: this is NOT an actual interview with the band, this is completely made up!

INTERVIEW - 2003

[Interviewer] So… how’d you and James meet?

[Her] God. That was in ‘82. I wasn’t really planning on being there that night, I was just helping out a friend who was running sound that night. He needed someone to help lift gear before the show, and I’d never lifted a damn amp in my life. But I said yes, cause the crew got free drinks.

[James] (Laughs) I remember it like it was yesterday. This girl walks in, wearing jean shorts and a Motörhead shirt, and she’s dragging this amp across the floor like it had personally insulted her.

[Her] It had insulted me. It was way heavier than he said it’d be.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

FLASBACK - 1982

“You good with that?” a voice called from the side of the stage.

She glanced up. A tall guy with blond hair was standing a few feet away, beer in hand, watching her. “I’m fine.” she snapped, giving the amp one final tug. It didn’t budge.

He walked over slowly, his sneakers loud against the floor, and crouched beside her.

“You know that thing’s like ninety pounds, right?” he asked. “Yeah I figured that out five minutes ago.” He grinned at her reply, and it hit her all at once how annoyingly handsome he was - sharp cheekbones, warm eyes, a little too cocky.

“I’m James.” he said, reaching out a hand. She looked at it, then at him. “I didn’t ask.” she said, but shook his hand anyways. He laughed, “Okay. And you are…?”

She told him her name, and for a second he just kind of stood there like he was trying to memorize it.

“You gonna stare at me, or help me move this thing?” she said, raising an eyebrow. He grabbed the other side of the amp without saying anything, and with one good lift they got it into place.

“You come with the gear?” he asked, brushing his hands off on his jeans. “Nope. Just helping a friend.” she said after she let out a breath. “Cool. You should stay for the show.”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

But she already knew she would. And he already knew he was going to be watching the crowd the whole time - just to see if she was still there.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[Interviewer] When did things actually… start between you two?“

[Lars] Oh, I remember the exact night. She came with us on the tour. We were somewhere in the midwest. Iowa? Indiana? One of those.

[Kirk] It was definitely Indiana. I remember because the air conditioner broke, and we were all miserable and arguing. I thought they were already together by then? They weren’t?

[Her] Of course Kirk thought we were already together. But, no. That night was… kind of the beginning.

[James] It was late, like two or three in the morning. Everyone else was asleep, or wandered off somewhere. And she was just… there. Sitting on the little couch we had in the tour bus, legs up, eating a bag of potato chips.

[Her] It was the only food on the bus.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

FLASHBACK - 1986

She sat cross-legged on the couch in the front of the bus, her hair was damp from a rushed post-show shower at the venue, wearing a baggy Metallica shirt James had tossed her a few nights earlier. She was cradling a family sized bag of potato chips, every few seconds she’d fish one out with two fingers and crunch dramatically.

James flopped down next to her, “You guarding those chips with your life, or can I get one?” She arched her brow and slid the bag an inch in his direction, then snatched it back the second he reached for one.

“You guys already wiped out the beef jerky, the trail mix, and MY cookies. This is all I have left. Let me have this.” she said. He let out a dramatic sigh. She popped another chip into her mouth and chewed slowly, purposefully loud. James snatched a chip when she wasn’t looking, but she quickly smacked it out of his hand so hard it flew and hit the window.

They both burst out laughing. She snorted, which made him laugh harder. At one point she had to cover her face with a pillow to keep from waking up the rest of the bus.

It was stupid, and loud, and perfect.

Then – quiet.

When she leaned back, breathless and flushed, James just watched her.

“You’ve got crumbs.” he said, tapping his bottom lip. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, “Better?” she asked. “Nope. Still there.” He leaned it, slow this time. She didn’t move.

Then he kissed her.

It was clumsy and quick, noses bumped, her leg knocked into the table, someone definitely elbowed someone else, but it didn’t matter. They were both smiling too much to care. He tasted like beer, she tasted like chips. It was ridiculous and perfect.

When they pulled apart, she kept her hand on his chest. “That was terrible.” she whispered, grinning. “I know,” he said “Wanna do it again?”

She nodded.

And they did.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

INTERVIEW - 2003

[Interviewer] Was there ever a point where everything felt stable? Like it was really working out?

[Her] Yeah, before everything felt apart.

[Kirk] They were solid during the Justice tour. Like, really solid. She was with us for almost every show in the states, but she had to go back to California for something important. James was different when she was there, and when she wasn’t.

[Jason] He wasn’t drinking as hard when she was there. I only really saw him drink when she was drinking too. He smiled more too…I don’t know, he was lighter.

[James] It felt real, ya know. We’d been together for a couple of years by then. She knew all of my shit and still stayed. I thought that mean’t that I could get away with more than I could’ve.

[Her] I thought I knew him. I thought I had all of him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

FLASHBACK - 1989

She was curled up at the end of the hotel bed, her legs tangled in James’s. She flipped through a magazine she’d swiped from the lobby.

James why lying in a worn band tee, arms folded under his head, watching her like she was the best part of the room. “You know this thing says pineapple is like some magic anti-inflammatory?” she said, tilting the page toward him. “Interesting.” he said. She smiled and tossed the magazine aside and crawled up to James. He pulled her down beside him and wrapped his arms around her.

They talked about places they wanted to go, like Rome, Japan, Yosemite. She joked about getting married on a tour bus in Nevada. James had laughed, but then go quiet and touched her face gently.

She didn’t see it coming.

Not for a second.

It was two weeks later. Another show, another city. She’d flown out to surprise him - Jason had helped her plan it. She was going to sneak into the venue and be waiting in the dressing room when the band came offstage.

But the door was already opened when she got there.

The first thing she saw was a bra on the couch.

Then the girl.

Then James.

And she froze.

He was laying there in nothing but his underwear, and she was cuddled up next to him with her hand on his chest. He was in the middle of laughing at something, but his smile faded quickly when he saw her.

She didn’t say anything. She just turned and walked, fast. She didn’t even know where she was going, just away. James chased after her, calling her name, swearing it wasn’t what it looked like, but it was exactly what it looked like. And they both knew it.

That night, she stayed in a motel three miles from the venue, alone.

She didn’t cry until the morning.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

INTERVIEW - 2003

[Her] I still don’t remember walking out of the room. Like… I know I did obviously, but it’s all blank. I just remember the color of the walls, and the girls lipstick, bright red, like clown red.

[Lars] We stayed back on stage to interact with the crowd, James left because he said he had “Business to attend too.” and so as we were coming off the stage we saw her, she walked right past us. She didn’t even look at any of us, just down at the floor.

[Kirk] She looked…broken, I think is a good way to describe it. Not screaming, not crying, she just looked like the wind had been knocked out of her. I tried to call her name, but she didn’t stop.

[Jason] And James, man. He came running out two seconds letter in his boxers. He looked completely wrecked.

[Lars] He shoved past us, and said “Where did she go?” and I was like, “What the fuck did you do?”

[Her] I think what hurt the most is that he promised me he wouldn’t do anything like that. I knew he wasn’t perfect, I expected the drinking and stuff, but not that. I thought this, whatever we had was different.

[James] The second I saw her face…everything just collapsed. That look, like she didn’t even see me anymore, just some guy. I deserved that. I deserved worse than that.

[Kirk] We heard him screaming at the girl to get out. I mean screaming. She left crying, and then James just started throwing shit.

[Jason] He trashed the whole dressing room. Mirrors, bottles, the couch - everything. I’d never seen him like this before. Not even drunk.

[James] I wanted to hurt something. I remember looking around the room and thinking, “How the fuck could I do this to her?” I knew I was gonna lose her. And I knew it was my fault.

[Her] I stayed in some run down motel that night. I didn’t even bring a change of clothes, I just curled up in the same hoodie I’d worn on the plane. And I kept thinking, “He’s gonna call. He’s gonna fix this.”

He didn’t.

[Lars] She called the hotel that night, I think she called Jason.

[Jason] She told me what happened, she told me to tell James where she was, but not to say anything else to him.

[Lars] He didn’t talk to anyone for like, three days. Just locked himself in his hotel room after the shows and drank.

[James] I couldn’t call her. Even though Jason told me where she was, I just didn’t know what the hell I’d say. “Sorry” felt like a joke. I’d promised her, swore to her. And I still did it. I hurt the one person who saw through all my bullshit.

[Her] It didn’t feel like the end right away. It felt like dying in slow motion.