Curate, connect, and discover
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Jared: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.
Evan:
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Jared: I feel like doing something stupid.
Evan: I'm stupid.
Jared: ...?
Evan: Do me?
Jared: oH-
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Miguel: As the top of this relationship, I think we should-
Connor: I can't believe your pulling rank on me.
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Evan: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...
Jared: Too bad. You're stuck with me now, honey.
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Evan: My life is a mess.
Jared: Relax. Go get a beer.
Evan: I don't want a beer?
Jared: Who said it was for you?
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Evan: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks.
Connor: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants.
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Jared: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Alana, trying to get him to have a decent sleep schedule: Sleeping is nice.
Jared: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.
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Connor: When life gives you lemons, what do you do?
Alana: Make lemonade! :)
Connor: No! You throw the lemons back up into the sky and make life deal with it's own shit!
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Evan: That's illegal, right?
Jared: Why do you care, are you fucking a cop or something?
Evan: No-
Jared: Then shut the fuck up.
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7 year old Zoe: I lost my fish, can you help me find it?
9 year old Connor, cooking the fish: What? Speak up, I can't hear you.
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Alana: Just be yourself, say something nice!
Jared: Which one? I can't do both.
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Zoe: Are you drinking enough water?
Evan: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
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Evan: I wanna die.
Jared: We all do, you're not special.
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Evan: Pick a card, any card.
Connor: Fine.
Evan: Wait, that's my credit card-
Connor: You said any card.
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Miguel: So, what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Connor: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Miguel: Uh yeah, I guess-
Connor: Then I'd sleep.
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Evan: Where are you going??
Jared: Hell, eventually.
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Zoe: Hey besties-
Jared: Die.
Zoe: What did I ever do to you-
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Evan: Jared, I sense hostility.
Jared: Good, because I fucking hate you.
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Miguel: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!
Connor: That doesn't exist-
Miguel: Not with that attitude.
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Miguel: I wanna be called cute 21/7.
Connor: Why not 24/7?
Miguel: Snack breaks.
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Connor, annoyed af: Why can't trees give off something fucking useful... like wifi.
Jared:
Jared: So then just fuck oxygen I guess.
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Alana: *Sharpens knife* We have ways of making people talk.
Alana: *Cuts piece of cake*
Evan: ....Can I have some?
Alana: Cake is for talkers.
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Evan: What are you drinking?
Jared: Vodka.
Evan: Straight???
Jared: No, gay. Why?
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Jared: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMBFUCK!
Evan: LET ME RUN AWAY FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!!
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Connor: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Zoe: And I need you to be less vague and weird-
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Alana, texting: Answer your phone
Jared, texting: Wait a minute, I can't find my phone.
Alana: Understood.
Alana, five minutes later: You're a terrible person. You know you're killing me. You're killing me, Jared.
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Evan: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Evan: And I started thinking.
Evan: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Evan: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Alana: Are you ok?
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Miguel: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Connor: Burn the house down.
Miguel: And what did you do?!
Connor: I made dinner.
Miguel:
Connor:
Miguel:
Connor: Okay fine. And burnt the house down.
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Evan: Hello, Jared. Made anyone cry today?
Jared: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
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Alana: When's the last time you slept?!
Jared: Uh.. a few days ago, I think??
Alana: How many days?
Jared: *Starts counting on his fingers*
Jared: I need more fingers.
Alana: What yOU NEED IS S L E E P!
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Zoe: HELP! I'M DROWNING!!
Connor: Calm down, we're only in six feet of water.
Zoe: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!
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Jared: What'cha doing?
Connor: Stealing my neighbours cat.
Jared: Scandalous.
Jared: Can I help?
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Jared: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’
Evan: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.
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Connor: *makes Miguel a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Miguel: *sips tea*
Connor:
Miguel: *finishes tea*
Connor: Didn't it taste bad?
Miguel: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Connor, tearing up: Oh, okay.
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Alana: So I have made the decision to trust you.
Evan: A horrible decision, really.
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Evan: Hopefully, Jared has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Jared: Oh shut up and die, Evan.
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Connor: Alright, listen up you little shits-
Connor: Except you, Alana. You're an angel, and we're thrilled you're here.
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Zoe: Can you pass the salt?
Jared: Can you pass away?
Zoe: Too much salt.