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Cry Me A River - Blog Posts
Cry Me A River | Masterpost
— summary: forever is just an illusion, nothing lasts forever. don’t make me a promise that you cannot keep. please...it’ll break my heart
— pairing: bts x reader
— genre: angst, slight fluff, poly!au, mafia!au, arranged marriage!au
— status: ongoing
— word count: 150k+
— warnings: (triggering topics! please read at your own discretion) childhood trauma, mental abuse, physical abuse, child neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, violence, mentions of assault, implied sexual assault, hurt and comfort, divorce, emotional neglect, minor character deaths, kidnapping, some emotionally unstable scenes
↳ there will likely be more specifics in certain chapters. just know that this series highlight some things that can be triggering to some
— please don't go into this thinking it'll be a light read. don't estimate the warnings
— if you happen to read this series despite the warnings and if there are certain chapters you wish to skip rather than reading because of the warnings, feel free to send me an ask if you ever wish to know the gist of certain chapters and i will gladly catch you up so you don't get confused on anything
one. the breaking | you tried so hard to be enough
two. the lie | a house made of cards, they lived in your beautiful fairytale
three. the promise | if you told them about the darkness inside of you, would they still look at you like you're the sun?
four. the gentle heart | keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you
five. the void | no matter how many times you read a story over and over again, it always ends the same
six. the puppeteer | father wanted perfection, you fell in love with disorder
seven. the trial master | the only way to get rid of a buried memory is to face your past
eight. the scarlet drop | you can wipe someone's tears but not their memories
nine. the game of chess | everything's burned down into flames and all that's left is you right in the center, unable to escape
ten. the abuser and the bystander | it hurts just as much knowing someone could have stopped it all but chose to stand by and watch instead
eleven. the thorns of a rose | loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. and the reapers' loyalty lies much deeper than that
twelve. the black rose | he loved you once, so hard, but taehyung has no right to begin caring for you now
thirteen. the broken | once someone's been taught to stay quiet their whole life, how do they learn to scream and shout for help?
fourteen. the hurting | you can break something in two seconds but it will take forever to heal
fifteen. the cruel and the fool | nothing hurts more than trying your absolute best and still not being good enough
sixteen. the second choice | an illusion of free choice, it will always be namjoon in the end
seventeen. the liar | hoseok lied about choosing you, namjoon lied about leaving you, but the biggest liar of them all is you
eighteen. the frightened ones | drowning in the middle of the sea means being blind and not knowing who is on your side and who wishes to pull you in deeper
nineteen. the snakes | you're left on your own to save your own self
twenty. the watchers | sometimes to not protect is the best form of protection
twenty-one. the apologies | how many apologies have you heard in your lifetime? too many to count
twenty-two. the pawns | when pawns are used well, they are the soul of the chess. you might as well take advantage of what you’re given
twenty-three. the unprepared | no one is ever prepared to be broken, even if they think they are, and breaking again and again does not make you numb to the pain
twenty-four. the reckless | in the face of danger, you run right into it
twenty-five. the habits | you are a weapon and weapons do not weep
twenty-six. coming soon...
Cry me a river series🍸
Izzy Stradlin x Reader
~Chapter Four: One drink
You tell yourself it’s just one drink.
Just one drink because you’re curious, because you’re restless, because you want to prove to yourself that seeing him doesn’t matter anymore. That you’re over it… over him.
He orders a beer. You go with something lighter, just to keep your hands busy. The air between you is thick, humming with old tension and words that never got said.
“So,” you say, tracing the rim of your glass. “Still writing songs no one gets to hear?”
Izzy smirks. “Still pretending you’re not dying to ask why I left?”
You go quiet. He notices.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he mutters, taking a sip. “That wasn’t fair.”
You shrug, staring down at the scratched wood of the bar. “It’s true, though.”
A long pause.
“I didn’t know how to be in something real,” he says suddenly, catching you off guard. “Didn’t know how to stay.”
You raise an eyebrow. “So disappearing was the easier choice?”
“No,” he replies, voice quieter now. “It was the coward’s choice.”
You study him. His eyes don’t dodge yours like they used to. There’s a rawness in his voice you don’t recognize. Or maybe you just never got to hear it before.
“I thought about you every day,” he adds. “But I figured you were better off.”
You let out a bitter laugh. “That’s the thing about people like you, Izzy. You always think you get to decide what’s better for everyone.”
He leans back, wincing. Like your words landed where they were meant to.
“Maybe,” he says. “But I’m here now.”
“And what exactly does here mean?” you ask, finishing your drink. “You want forgiveness? Closure? A do-over?”
He looks at you like he’s trying to figure that out himself. Then he leans in just slightly, voice low and rough.
“I want to know if you still feel it.”
Your breath catches. Your body remembers before your brain can argue. But you push the feeling down, like you’ve trained yourself to do.
“You don’t get to ask that.”
He doesn’t press further. Doesn’t need to. The spark between you is already burning at the edges, slow and dangerous.
“You walked away once,” you say softly. “And if I let you back in… if I feel anything again… don’t you dare do it twice.”
Izzy nods, jaw tight. “Then don’t let me back in… yet. Just let me stay here, at this bar. One drink. One night. No promises.”
You look at him. Really look at him.
And for tonight… you don’t get up.
Cry me a river series🍸
I’ve been slacking a bit on this series, so here is chapter three and chapter four will come out later tonight.
Izzy Stradlin X Reader
~Chapter three: Rewind
You slam the door behind you, the echo of it shaking through your tiny apartment like a warning. Don’t open it again. Not for him. Not for the man who once lit you up and then left you in the dark.
You pace the living room, your brain buzzing, heart racing. Izzy. On your street. After all these years. Like time didn’t pass, like your heart didn’t crack, like the silence he left behind wasn’t loud as hell.
You peek through the blinds.
He’s still out there, leaning against that same rusted Harley, cigarette glowing in the night. Like he’s got nowhere else to be but five steps from your life.
You clench your jaw and turn away. No way in hell you’re letting him in again. You’ve spent too long stitching yourself up to let him rip the seams.
But you don’t sleep.
You lie awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, his face burned behind your eyes. The stupid smirk. That unreadable stare. The fact that he said your name like it still meant something.
By morning, he’s gone.
Or so you think.
You walk into the dive bar two blocks from your apartment that night, just looking for noise, a drink, maybe some peace in the distraction of strangers, and there he is. Sitting at the bar like fate has a sick sense of humor.
You freeze. So does he.
“You gotta be kidding me,” you mutter.
Izzy turns slowly on the stool, eyes raking over you like he’s not sure if you’re real.
“I wasn’t following you,” he says, as if reading your thoughts. “Didn’t even know you came here.”
You narrow your eyes. “So what, this is your neighborhood now?”
He shrugs. “I was here first, technically.”
“Yeah, about five years too late.”
That hits. You see it in the slight twitch of his jaw. The silence stretches.
“You look good,” he finally says.
You cross your arms. “You look the same. Still think cigarettes and leather solve everything?”
He chuckles, low and tired. “Only the stuff therapy can’t.”
You blink. That’s… not the Izzy you remember. Or maybe it is, just one that got older, quieter, a little more real.
“What do you want, Izzy?” you ask, voice low.
He meets your gaze. “A minute. That’s all.”
And despite every part of your brain screaming no, your heart whispers one minute can’t hurt.
So you sit. Just for a minute.
But nothing about Izzy Stradlin has ever stayed small.
I'm imaginary. Tonight I'll forgive me those seconds I thought I'd become real.
It is I
You'd need to study Bibliography of Strings, you'd need to take apart Castle Howl, you'd need to recite the epic of Gilgamesh. You'd need to karaoke Closer by The Tiny. You'd need to hear your song, and her song. You might have a hazy silhouette then of what I felt, what I thought, what made me behave that way.
It is I
Soul is broken. Support system treads along. Air intake diminishes. Soul strained more. repeat.
it is I
Manifesto Five
If you don't want this love
I'll drag it back to the irrational darkness
it came from
If you don't need this love
even if you need me as I
I'll leave it to the wolves there.
If you can't say its name
before shame's - calling it broken shell
I'll remember a nightmare
and call it the enemy
I'll remember the howling
and call it the end.
-- H.A. & A 2010
TU
I take this train to the end of the line
just to be a little more near you
Perhaps the noise and people will rumble
their way to you and you'll know I'm here
not doing, not acting, not knowing
embracing the little churn
the flow
the low stride of leafs over clear lower air
is this a ride to forget?
-- H.A & A.
Skill
Tonight I sit here and contemplate how
you gave me everything I ever wanted
including heartbreak that will last a lifetime
My fingers only ever really cared for
the sublime, it seems in its absence
songs that kill.