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me: i have alexithymia
person: wow i can’t imagine what that must feel like
me: yeah me neither
The world moves around my body, sensations ghosts on my empty form. I hear the sound of life, of people, anchored in the here and now. Their world in colour, vibrant touch, souls as light as feathers. Webs of feeling stretch between, emotion, taste, (felt, not unseen).
My world I see in black and white, my anchor cut, all light unfelt. Inside my mind a world of dreams, of light and colour, (touch, all seen). My comfort, it bleeds thin. Too many layers, broken webs, foggy eyes with my too-full head. This world it feels too much for me, heavy soul, all in 2D. Inside my mind I find recluse, running free in vibrant stories. I watch it all as I move through, webs twist around, trap me apart. This life it is not meant for me. People ground. And I cut free.
Why are you so ungrateful?
You're just lazy
Be more positive
Life is so beautiful
Just pull yourself together
How are you?
Well, what're you feeling?
Do you not understand what they're feeling?
Everyone feels emotions
Can't you just care more?
Do you have no empathy?
You're so mean
You're so cruel
You're so cold
Why are you smiling about that?!
Why are you so aggressive?
Just talk
Can't you stay still?
Just focus
Stop zoning out
Why are you so distracted?
It doesn't have to be perfect
It has to be perfect
Such a freak
That's useless
Just chill
Stop lying
You're just looking for attention
Everything is fine
What is wrong with you?