Achilles: Quick! You're Losing So Much Blood! What's Your Type?

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[K] - Keto (Κητώ) or Ceto was a primordial deity of the sea, the daughter of the Titans Pontus and Gaea, and personification of all the dangers that the sea posed.

*as kids* Chiron: I just found out that my dad isn't really my dad. Chariclo: Your dad... Apollo the god who doesn't have a drop of horse or centaur blood in him? Chiron: [nods] Chariclo: Chariclo: That must have been quite a shock...

I saw this stock photo and immediately made four memes and then couldn’t pick it which one I liked best so, here ya go

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[P] - Persephone (Περσεφόνη) was a dual deity, since, in addition to presiding over the dead, as the daughter of Demeter, she was also a goddess of fertility. The myth of her abduction by Hades was frequently used to explain the cycle of the seasons.

Greek mythology from A to Z:

[H] - Hermaphroditus (Ἑρμαφρόδιτος) was the son of Hermes and Aphrodite. He was born as a boy, and was raised by naiad nymph on Mount Ida. When he reached the age of fifteen, he decided to explore further from his surroundings and eventually reached the forest of Caria near Halicarnassus. There, he met the nymph Salmacis in a pool, who was overcome with desire for the boy. However, she was rejected by him, who after thinking the nymph had left, undressed and entered the pool. Salmacis then suddenly appeared and wrapped herself around him. While he was trying to evade her, she asked the gods to be forever united with Hermaphroditus, and the gods listened to her wish. As a result, their bodies were blended into one and became a creature of two sexes.

Ares: I may be thousands of years old, but I have the body of a 20 years old boy.

Aphrodite: Then show me, baby.

Ares: *walks towards the freezer*

Iris is an ancient goddess who provides communication between the heavens and earth … Ben Harrison art 

Can I get uuuuuuuuh hog chine for the war boys

Patroclus: you ever wanna talk about your emotions Antilochus?

Antilochus: no

Achilles: I do!

Patroclus: I know Achilles

Achilles: I'm mad at Agamemnon!

Patroclus: I know Achilles

I've just re-read the short lived duel that Aeneas and Achilles have in Book 20 of the Iliad and it's actually the most hilarious fucking thing.

So it starts out with Apollo disguising himself as Lycaon, one of Priam's many sons, and telling to have a go at Achilles. Keep in mind that this is post-Patroclus Achilles. Aka: berserk Achilles. Aka: so fucking mad he would fight a literal river Achilles.

Aeneas, who is capable of critical thinking, says he doubts he can actually take him on. He also references a time when he was herding cattle on Mount Ida and Achilles ambushed him, adding that the only reason he survived then was because Zeus gave him enough strength to book it (cracking up the official times that he's been saved by a god from certain death to 3, you go dude!).

However, after a bit of back and forth and a ton of hyping up on Apollo's part, Aeneas decides to try anyway.

Like, what could possibly go wrong?

Achilles notices Aeneas charging at him and he begins to taunt him. It's something among the lines of: "I'm sorry, are you, background trojan character #61, actually gonna try and beat me? And then what? Do you think that Priam will reward you in some way? Maybe making you king after him? Well it's BULLSHIT, because Priam fucked so much that your chances of succeeding him are basically 0. Ahah. Loser."

Now, you'd think that maybe Aeneas got enraged at the comment and attacked him, or maybe he even got scared and backed down, but NOPE. What does Aeneas do?

Well, first of all, he insults Achilles' insults, comparing his bickering to that of a child. Literally, "I heard third graders do better than that." And then he decides to list his and Hector's entire fucking family tree.

You know that part of the Bible that's like "this guy sired this other guy, and this other guy sired yet another guy" and so on? It's basically that.

So after he's done with all that, Aeneas states that while he'd love to have a battle of insults with Achilles, because according to him he's actually very good at insulting people (his words, not mine), they should probably throw hands now. Achilles agrees.

The duel is shortlived and Aeneas gets his ass handed to him. Badly. As expected. And he's about die when ✨️POV shift✨️ we're not on Olympus where Poseidon, Hera and Athena are watching this absolute train wreck go down.

Poseidon, pitying Aeneas, suddenly goes on a rant. It's something among the lines of: "come on guys, look at him, he's just a little guy! He literally has no stakes in this war, he doesn't deserve to die here! He even gives us lots of gifts and sacrifices, he's literally such a nice guy. How can we do this to him!?

...oh and also he's part of some prophecy, Zeus would get mad if he died."

The fact that the way it's worded makes it sound like Aeneas being part of a literal prophecy is an afterthought to him absolutely floors me, Poseidon is literally just attached to a random dude that's fighting on the opposite side to his because he thinks he's nice.

After all that Hera is pretty unimpressed and states that she really doesn't care if our man lives or dies as neither her or Athena have ever saved a Trojan from death, she however adds that Poseidon is free to do whatever he wants.

The literal moment Hera stops talking, Poseidon lunges down from Olympus and onto the battlefield to look for the two combatants. When he does, he saves Aeneas like only he can do.

You know how when Diomedes first tries to kill Aeneas, Aphrodite gently folds her hands around him to shield him? There's none of that here. Poseidon just runs up to him and literally flings the motherfucker.

It literally says that he flies "high in the air". It's like a Looney Toons sketch.

So Aeneas lands and, while he's obviously a bit dazed, Poseidon proceeds to call him a madman and essentially tells him to never do something stupid like that again and just wait until Achilles is dead, then he'll be able to murder Achaeans to his heart's content. Aeneas is fine with that.

Achilles, who just saw his opponent just get yeeted into the fucking sky, just shrugs and goes "welp, guess that guy's off limits, I'm gonna go kill someone else now I guess lol".

This entire scene is pure fucking gold and the fact that I've literally never seen anyone talk about it just breaks my heart.