The Man

21.05.2019 06.34

We’re supposed to be each other first thought in the morning, but mine is blood and yours is death.

Last night was one of the worst. I just couldn’t stop crying cuz somebody close to me almost died. Thankfully everything turned out fine in the end but it really took a toll on me. I couldn’t sleep so I tried reading a book but that just made me cry more. Life is hard innit </3

I need it

LMAOOO IKR

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING

that awkward moment when you just slit your skin open and youre still thinking about that essay you need to finish

Hit a little too close to home

They don't think I need help, but I'm scaring myself.

i’m actively suicidal and i really can’t see why that’s a bad thing

Things I’m doing right now to stay alive

1.

2.

3.

Never mind.

You obliterated me. You damn well messed me up. There were paragraphs and pages where I had to stop because I was struggling to release the pressure that was crushing my chest. I had to reel myself and emerge from the story's depths so that I could breathe; to remind myself that my lungs are deflated and that they need to function properly and that I must stand up and shake off droplets of grief. To recover from the flurry of punches to the gut, to suck back the air that was knocked out of me. To stop the world from spinning as my eyes sped through thousands of words. To remind myself that I am still lucky, to remind myself that I am still safe, before I plunge into the novel's depths once again.

Then, to brace my body for the impact of shifting narratives (especially the few final ones), the remaining words that I knew would deliver the hardest blow.

Ang hirap mong basahin. Ilang beses ko kinailangan munang pakalmahin puso ko. I knew there was a right time to finally fish you out of my TBR pile. I knew that it must be when I am emotionally prepared and ready.

For those who haven't yet read "A Little Life" and are planning to, please know that it is a heavy book loaded with heavy issues that may trigger your mind to spiral. To call this novel dark and gloomy is an understatement. Prepare for the pain.

Yet, even after all that, I highly appreciated this reading experience. First time diving into prose that juggles themes of horrendous traumas and bright, complex friendships, of how they blend and clash and affect the fragile, broken self living in an often cruel age of anxiety.

Same (":

0 days clean,, once again,,

“I knew everything had changed when I looked into your eyes and saw every single lie you ever told, and watched you deny every last one.”

— Thanks dad for all the memories, I surly will never forget you