Xxsadist0nexx - Not Bad, Just The Worst ;)

Stop guilt tripping the suicidal

People need to stop guilt tripping suicidal people. We feel enough guilt from our brain telling us what pieces of shit we are. Guilting us by saying we’re going to cause heart ache to those around us is unproductive. Instead of wanting me to stay alive due to your selfish reasons try and help me stay alive for myself. Just like cancer is part of the body attacking itself mental illness is the brain attacking the body and most of us who are suicidal or end up going through with it didn’t do so willingly. We lost a battle with our own brain. Please be kind and careful when talking to suicidal people like we try and be kind and careful to not hurt you with our feelings. We don’t want to hurt others. We are fighting within ourselves whether to release ourselves from such horrible pain or continue trotting on for the sake of others. We try our hardest. We’re not all successful. And while it’s heartbreaking when someone loses a battle to depression it isn’t their will or desire to hurt others. It’s this yearning to finally find inner peace, and it’s the body’s way of obtaining it.

it’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow. my dad said that i’m useless. i can’t fo anything right. what about the card i made for her? what about the decorations i put up? no, still not enough. just keep yeling at me. i know how much you hate your child. what if i would just disappear? everything would be better without me, am i right, father? you make me relapse everytime, and i’m glad that you’re helping me with that. i can feel the blade cutting into my arms, making beautiful red lines. i can feel the blood running down. i can clean up the mess i made afterwards. just because of your help. that’s nice, isn’t it, father? i hope you’re proud of your little useless miserable child. you make me feel so horrible, that i caress my neck with my scissors. that i bawl my eyes out. that i can finally feel relieved again. now it’s time to hide the cuts. i’m very good at this. thank you father.

Have you ever cried so hard that you want to just scream? You just want to scream and cry because you genuinely hate yourself so much for things you can’t change about yourself?

It counts as self harm. If you scratch yourself on purpose but its only a red bulge it still counts as sled harm.

When I’m anxious I chew the skin on my fingers, sometimes it bleeds, sometimes it bleeds a lot. I can never quite figure out if it counts or not

Same

Cant remember how my arms look like unscarred. It feel like I always had them.

this post hasn't left my mind since i've first saw it

How do I befriend myself?  I am [after all] the now who hurt me the most.

I literally crave intimacy. Just physical contact my guy. One good honest hug. A kiss perhaps. To hold a fucking hand