A Bit Upset That My Four Year Old Niece Figured Out How To Fold The Beach Chairs And I Still Don’t

In this AU Harry starts seeing a Muggle therapist, one who remains completely unfazed by everything he says. Dragons, Horcruxes, Death eaters? The therapist calmly nods, assuming it’s all metaphor. Meanwhile, Harry speaks with complete sincerity, telling the literal truth. (maybe will do a series if you guys like it, I will maybe try other characters too lol)

Session One : The Origin

Harry: "It all started when I was eleven. A giant broke down my door and told me I was a wizard."

Therapist (nodding thoughtfully): "Ah. The giant could symbolize your inner potential crashing through childhood repression."

Harry: "No, I mean literally. Hagrid. Half-giant."

Therapist: "You’ve given your inner strength a name. Beautiful."

even a forehead kiss would have a maladjusted freak like me bricked the fuck up. to be honest

gay people will say some shit like "I re-wrote an entire play to include you and also have you as my fictional love interest and also it's named after you now" instead of just saying "I love you"

don’t apologize for your appearance don’t apologize for your hobbies don’t apologize for the food you eat and enjoy don’t apologize for taking time for yourself stop apologizing unless you are actually in debt and owe it!!!! existence isn’t a reason to be sorry

Will totally let’s the little campers put bows n shit in his hair. And fun bandaids all over his body. You walk into the infirmary and his appearance is a collage of every person he’s seen that day. Doodles connecting his freckles, bows and hair clips scattered through his curls, bandaids all over his arms, etc

my new favorite hobby

“you’re always crashing out” god forbid i have a hobby

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

forever pushing the harry "my mummy will hear about this" potter agenda btw. you thought draco was bad? try harry if lily lived. like...harry scrapes his knee? "mummy my knee!!" harry breaks a window? "mummy i'm sorry!!" draco is rude to him? "mum i hate him!!" snape is an asshole? "mum my potions professor!!" and ofc lily rushes in every time to solve all harry's problems for him.

like. harry is lily's number one fan. he brags about her constantly. he is worse than draco could ever be. "your dad bought the quidditch team brooms?? well my MUM killed VOLDEMORT!!" "your mum owns an apothecary?? my mum has a mastery in charms AND potions." and lily is just as bad!! "did you know my son's the youngest seeker in a century?" "that's my son right there, top marks in defense you know" they are ridiculous. they are the mother son duo ever.

Yeah, so this fella represents EVERYONE on AO3

Like literally the icon of all