“ For Seven Long Years I’ve Been In Prison, For 7 Long More I Have To Stay, Just For Knocking A Man

Even the most courageous among us only rarely has the courage to face what he already knows.

Nietzsche

“The Quiet Vessel” by Bryan Olson

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

Concerning the Death Penalty and Incarceration in General

You don't kill someone to teach them not to kill. You don’t call prison rehabilitation while being nothing but detrimental to said people, you dont lock up people for next to nothing, etc.Some people cant be saved, and yes locking them up for life is expensive, but not as expensive as youd think ( the average prisoner in the usa costs 90 cents a day to feed and house ) Humans change and redemption IS life, then again I'm a Buddhist.Some humans are in jail and do nothing but suffer, some take to the life, and thrive in jail, and enjoy life in their own way, is it punishment, whos to say, but in my mind youre average human can and will change, and what about all the people imprisoned and then found innocent years later?

if you kill them you cant take that back.  No to the death penalty, and on a personal note I think MOST, not all, MOST criminal activity should be taken from a psychological or economic standpoint, most these people are poor uneducated and angry for, obvious reasons, and should be treated as mentally ill and not criminal and evil, back any animal into a corner and it lashes out, that’s not to say that animal cant love and be loved, cant show compassion or understand it, etc.

We all love justification but my stance is, if you kill in need, lets say you are starving and you kill and eat an animal, you didnt kill it because you wanted to, infact if youre a “normal” person you probably felt a little bad.  if something is trying to kill you, you kill it out of instinct and feel bad later, thats justified.  If you’re in jail for like drug charges for 15 years and have to do violent things to survive, lets say you have to stab someone so youre not stabbed, etc, and time is added on, now youre in for 20 years, etc, that doesnt make you violent or bad, we all do what we have to do, when you take small time criminals and put them in the wolves den, yes they come out as wolves, repeat that process and eventually theyre such killers you need to kill them in some legal way, was it ever about them?

and at what point is the society held responsible?  In the west we’re very about the individual, as am I really, but push an individual enough and you shape him like clay, do you then get to judge the shape hes in, which youve created?  forget i said anything, talk about your favorite shows or, show you smokin a crack piple with your cleavage in the backround, i like that too....

“ Sometimes i feel so happy, sometime I feel so sad.  Sometimes I feel so happy, but mostly you just, make me mad, baby you just, make me mad. Linger on, your pale blue eyes, linger on, your pale blue eyes.  Thought of you as my mountaintop, thought of you as my peak, thought of you as everything, I’ve had but, couldn’t keep, I’ve had but couldn’t keep.”

A Scanner Darkly (2006; Richard Linklater)

Do not sleep under a roof. Carry no money or food. Go alone to places frightening to the common brand of men. Become a criminal of purpose. Be put in jail, and extricate yourself by your own wisdom

Miyomoto Musashi

Don’t ever cry for those who want to be cried for, for those who cry for themselves, only cry for those who are unable to do so.  You can apply this to any social situation of your choosing.

I love these new DNA testing sites they have, I should really drop the 80 bucks.  But these videos of like, skinheads finding out theyre jews, or white supremacists finding out they’re 18% subsaharan african is just, wonderful.  Not just because its funny but because math doesnt lie, and it’s hard to say it lies.

Really ALL humans are SOME african, but these tests dont go THAT far back.  I watched a video of Irish people taking these tests, and they came back as youd guess if you know history, brittish/irish, spanish, and middle eastern.  Germans/Scandinavians often come up 78-80% western european, and then some middle eastern or Indian.  I’m interested to know but I’m also poor, so I will guess, based on no actual science other than the videos ive seen of people with my general ancestry and roots:

70-75% Western European

10% Middle Eastern

5% Italian/Iberian ( Spanish )

5% Native American

5% Other.

Now when I break down and buy the test, which lets be honest i probably will, I’ll site this and see how close I am.

I soon came to understand that drink, tobacco and prostitutes were all great means if dissipating (even for a few moments) my dread for human beings. I came even to feel that if I had to sell every last possession to obtain these means of escape, it would be well worth it.

Osamu Dazai